I didn't hear the argument and I'm not sure I'm following everything, but going just by what you describe it sounds to me like you're right in the policy you advocate about either telling someone directly or not saying anything, but perhaps the way you said it made your husband a bit defensive and he's taking what you said differently than you meant it, which is what it sounds like he's reacting to. Again I didn't hear the conversation so this could be way off, but that's what I'm picking up from what you describe.
Am gonna work more on the script today and this week.
I have heard from mstar!
She wanted me to pass on to everyone that she has NOT forgotten about us. She and her husband have decided to build a home, and have been living in an apartment temporarily until the house is finished, expected in August, and as such has not had cable or the internet installed, as their residence in the apartment is only temporary. She says would like to say hi to everyone in the Hobbit Hole!!!!