Replies

1. When you are sad, I will get you drunk and will help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you finally got laid and give you a high five.
4. When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use small words and draw pictures to explain.
7. When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

This is my oath, I pledge 'til the end.
Why, you may ask? Because you're my friend!