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I suspect this is making the rounds in email, but here it is anyway:

Hot off the wires:

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested
trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler,
a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John
Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They
desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like "x! " and "y"
and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the
axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there
are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said,
"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math
instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine
that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs
who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard.
Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere
of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the
circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make
our point, and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction
have the potential to decimal everything in their math on
a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of
a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would
say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain
of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered
as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."

Merry Christmas Everybody and God Bless Our Troops!