I'm still telling myself that, Master Sea-man.
I thought I was okay about it until I ran into this guy I'd chased in high school; he knew my mother the way she'd been back then. He was horrified when I told him I'd put my mother in a nursing home, and for a while, I was very efficient at punishing myself for my lapse in daughterly duty. Turns out, I wasn't as okay about the whole thing as I'd thought. I had my reasons, and they were good, but ...
I take the whole thing out and re-examine it every now and then, and I wonder what she thought during her flashes of awareness. Only lately have I been able to truly see that I couldn't've taken any other course in regards to her care.
Needs must where the devil drives, you know?
I think all this re-examination must be a normal part of our recovery from the loss. I have spent much time in the last months second guessing decisions made over Grama's care. In the end all of us made the best decisions we knew to make at the time. That is all that can be expected I think. I am at peace with that..... even though I still think and over-analyze the things sometimes. *sigh*