Report: MAGA Now Divided Into 77,302,580 Distinct Factions

Babylon Bee ^ | 11/17/2025 | Babylon Bee

[DFG]

U.S. — New polling data suggests the MAGA movement has split into approximately 77,302,580 distinct factions.

Factions include, but are not limited to, Traditional Conservatism, Groypers, Anti-Zionist But Jew-Affirming, Carlsonites, Candacites, Kirkites, Trad wife influencers, The South Shall Rise Again, The North Shall Stay Arisen, Catholic, Latin Mass Catholic, Protestant, Protestant Calvinist Theonomist with Beards, Boomer Neocon Warmonger, Libertarian, and Whig.

"I have never seen a more fractured movement," commented political science major Daniel Siltson. "There is always a broad spectrum of variance within a political movement, but to have it split along such hard lines so as to be almost separate political parties is uncanny."

According to sources, Republican Party membership has declined as a result of the fractured base, because newcomers to conservatism have no idea what the Right even is anymore. "I don't know what party to choose," said one voter. "The Democrats are gay, but I guess some Republicans like Hitler now? What is even going on?"

Meanwhile, the Green Party has failed to take advantage of the split, itself reporting a drop in membership because they are the Green Party.

"The Republican base has never been more fractured," warned podcast host and conservative commentator Matt Walsh. "We must stop this infighting and unite the right, and all who disagree with me should die."

At publishing time, Daily Wire host Ben Shapiro laid out ten proposed steps to save MAGA, but was booed for being Jewish.

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TOPICS: Humor
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[Texas Eagle]

Heh, heh.

[ViLaLuz]

Charlie Kirk unified the younger generations the way Rush did for us. We would have even greater success if we all would/ could unite under God, as we used to pledge.