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State Department Reaches Out To Enemy Nations Requesting They Only Attack Between 10:00 AM And 4:00 PM EST
Babylon Bee ^ | 07/02/2024 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/02/2024 11:03:25 AM PDT by DFG

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Official White House sources confirmed Monday that President Biden's State Department had contacted several enemy nations to politely ask that they would only consider attacking the United States between Biden's waking hours of 10:00 am to 4:00 pm EST.

According to State Department officials, the request was sent to China, Russia, Iran, Iraq, and North Korea, as well as a few miscellaneous Islamic terrorist groups and insurgencies.

"Dear Enemies of the USA," reads the memo in part. "On behalf of President Biden, we kindly ask that — in the event that you feel like you really just have to attack the USA — you would be considerate and only do so during President Biden's active hours of 10:00 am to 4:00 pm EST. After those hours, Biden will be sleeping and therefore unable to respond to your attack in a timely manner."

"We regret any inconvenience that this may cause to your plans, but we thank you for your consideration and compliance."

China and Russia are the only countries to have responded to the request, with both Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin sending text messages reading "Definitely, for sure ;)" to the group chat they share with President Biden and Hunter. The State Department has also received a response from ISIS which they think is a yes, but aren't sure as it consists of an illegible response in Arabic on a paper covered in cartoon pictures of bombs.

At publishing time, Kim Jong Un had been seen chuckling maniacally as he instructed a North Korean intelligence operative to ask the State Department "whether or not to it applies to Daylight Savings Time, too."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 104; attack; biden; debatedebacle; dont; impairedbiden; whitehouse

1 posted on 07/02/2024 11:03:25 AM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

We are safer already.


2 posted on 07/02/2024 11:05:22 AM PDT by exnavy
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To: DFG

So, get up! Have dinner! A drink! Then you know...he’s asleep!


3 posted on 07/02/2024 11:05:49 AM PDT by Beowulf9
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To: exnavy

The B Bee read my mind!


4 posted on 07/02/2024 11:06:30 AM PDT by milagro (There is no peace in appeasement! There)
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To: milagro

Big smile, pass the popcorn please.


5 posted on 07/02/2024 11:09:04 AM PDT by exnavy
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To: DFG

LOL!!!


6 posted on 07/02/2024 11:09:27 AM PDT by piytar (Remember Ashli Babbitt and Rosanne Boyland!)
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To: DFG

Satire.... still?


7 posted on 07/02/2024 11:10:56 AM PDT by fwdude ( )
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To: DFG

Doesn’t the German Army only operate 8-5, 5 days a week?


8 posted on 07/02/2024 11:14:27 AM PDT by Paladin2
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To: DFG

DEI don’t you know ,LOL


9 posted on 07/02/2024 11:14:59 AM PDT by butlerweave
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To: All

so good, the BB should be illegal


10 posted on 07/02/2024 11:41:18 AM PDT by SteveH
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To: DFG

Can you imagine trying to get a coherent decision from President Retard in the dead of night for an actual emergency


11 posted on 07/02/2024 12:03:26 PM PDT by NWFree (Somebody has to say it ðŸĪŠ)
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To: DFG
"On behalf of President Biden, we kindly ask that — in the event that you feel like you really just have to attack the USA — you would be considerate and only do so during President Biden's active hours of 10:00 am to 4:00 pm EST. After those hours, Biden will be sleeping and therefore unable to respond to your attack in a timely manner."

Also make sure not to attack during Joe's naptimes (11:00 to Noon and 2:00 to 3:00 pm EST) or whenever Vaguely Fashionable has a photoshoot with Non Dr. Jill. You might get them upset ..

12 posted on 07/02/2024 12:57:03 PM PDT by Deplorable American1776 (Guns don't kill people, LIBERALS DO!! Support the Second Amendment...)
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To: DFG

I love the Bee, but according to FJB we have no enemies.


13 posted on 07/02/2024 1:34:11 PM PDT by SisterK (it's controlled demolition)
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To: DFG

That’s 7am to 1pm PST? Cally is doomed.


14 posted on 07/02/2024 2:29:57 PM PDT by Libloather (Why do climate change hoax deniers live in mansions on the beach?)
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To: DFG

Don’t worry. Biden said, “Don’t.”


15 posted on 07/02/2024 2:51:52 PM PDT by NetAddicted (MAGA2024)
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To: DFG; All

Democratic and Republican Trump-supporting voters are reminded that Biden isn’t the main problem with the unconstitutionally big federal government. The main problem imo is that misguided voters have elected a corrupt Congress that scandalously refuses to exercise constitutional options to remove an incapacitated president from office.

This is why Trump-supporters need to effectively “impeach and remove” worthless Congress from office in November, replacing them with Constitution-respecting lawmakers not only so that hopeful Trump 47 will not be a lame duck president from the first day of his second term, but will also support him to quickly finish draining the swamp.


16 posted on 07/03/2024 7:56:01 AM PDT by Amendment10
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To: DFG
Thanks BB and DFG....

Need plenty of laughs in these crazy times.

17 posted on 07/03/2024 7:59:18 AM PDT by Churchillspirit (Pray for President Trump)
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