Replies

My buddy Danny and I were ushering at a home football game.

We were at the section of the stadium reserved for fans of the opposing team.

The game was just about to start. It was a warm day and I had bought a big Coke.

Danny and I were right up front and I was checking out the cheerleaders.

One of the cheerleaders, the prettiest one, called all the other cheerleaders over and then started giggling while pointing at me.

Well, I was no stranger to the intricacies of romance.

I knew this meant she thought I was hot.

“Hey Danny”, I said. “Look at that cheerleader. I think she likes me. See how she’s pointing at me?”

“Maybe she’s pointing at you because your fly is wide open” replied Danny.

I looked down.

He was right.

Wide open.

There’s a lesson in there about centrifugal force and fluid dynamics, but I don’t have a chalkboard, so let’s just leave it at the fact that I spun around and all the Coke came flying out of the cup and over the first few rows of fans for the opposing team.

You know how mad hornets get when you hit their nest with a rock? These fans made those hornets look like greeters at church.

They were furious.

I lit out of there like a bottle rocket.

Unfortunately, they lit out like faster bottle rockets.

They caught me in front of their marching band.

They had the drum section play the drum solo from Radar Love on my head.

They then bought every cup of Coke from one of the concession guys and doused me with that sweet, sticky liquid.

Funny how fate can turn things around.

I’d like to tell you that that pretty cheerleader took pity on me and we are now happily married.

I’d like to tell you that, but it’s not true.

She came up with some kind of mean cheer about a loser getting a Coke shower.

Great times......great times.....