Comey Testifies [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 June 2017 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

This week, Former FBI Director James Comey testified before the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday. While he confirmed that there is no evidence of any wrongdoing by Trump, he raised the issue of "whether a person so creepy and obnoxious deserves to be president. He is so different in every way from President Obama that I got a queasy feeling just being in the same room with him. I just didn't know how to react, so I joined the parade of government insiders who have been leaking confidential matters to the media in the hope that someone would rid the nation of this meddlesome interloper."

"Let me compare and contrast my experience with the previous administration to help make my point," Comey continued. "When Attorney General Lynch told me that President Obama wanted the FBI to ease up on the Clinton email matter, the directions were clear. When Trump said he hoped that since General Flynn had done nothing illegal that further maligning of his reputation could be dropped, I didn't know what to do. Was this some sort of code instructing me to have the man 'whacked?' I think everyone with experience in government can see how confusing Trump's behavior is for all of us."

Under questioning from Sen Rubio (R-Fla), Comey defended his acquiescence to Lynch's pressure to go easy on Clinton, saying that "compared to how we looked the other way at Holder's request when hundreds of weapons were delivered to Mexican gangs and subsequently used to murder hundreds of people, it seemed like brushing off Clinton's unsecure email system and unauthorized deletion of government records was a minor issue."

After the testimony, Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn) contended that "this clearly puts the option of impeachment into play. I mean, how much longer are the Republicans going to sit on their hands given the ammunition this heroic patriot has handed us? Even if there is no evidence of a crime, per se, the impression that there is something that is just not right has to be factored in. We've already seen that Trump is out-of-step with the world on climate. Comey has portrayed him as out-of-step with the way things have traditionally been done in government. Is this the kind of person we want as our president for the next three-and-one-half years?"

In related news, Reality Sara Winner, the 25-year-old woman who was recently arrested for illegally leaking classified documents she stole from government files to The Intercept, has been discovered to be a first class loon. To her earlier FaceBook posts giving a "thumbs up" endorsement to Iran's "death to America" slogan and her proclamation that "being white is a form of terrorism," we must now add her belief that she will be acquitted because she is "pretty, white, and cute." Though, by her reasoning this ought to mark her as a terrorist. On top of this, photos of the woman posted on the Internet appear to contradict her "pretty" and "cute" claims.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/219542-2017-06-09-semi-news-semi-satire-june-11-2017-edition.htm

[John Semmens]

ping

[Chgogal]

BFL

[TChad]

Close enough for government work.

[Boomer]

Comey’s thought process, at the very least, is confusing (not as confusing as McCain’s though) and probably very leftist.

I just read he already has a $10 Million book deal so he won’t be missing any meals. I don’t think history will look kindly on him though and with admitting to being a felon by leaking government info on his own, well, he may not need much money for a while anyway.

[trebb]

Nailed it John

[Tainan]

Hunh. "pretty, white, and cute." has never worked for me. Although, to be honest, I have never been referred to this all at the same time - (and when I was it was usually preceded by "that sumbit*h'")