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I can't believe I am about to write this. I had this in my marriage for 18 years. Then she served me with divorce papers blindsiding me. She always made it feel as if it were my fault. All of those points are completely true and there are many men who live with this everyday. It is totally true that we will cling for whatever scraps. It ruins us as men. I have never felt more undesirable more unworthy or more horrible as a person. And this is after two years of counseling.

And you know what the kicker is? Once we are freed we are berated and. Belittled in an unsympathetic and liberal court system. We are made the bad guys AGAIN and have every bit of what we worked for taken away and split. And then we have to pay for the rest of our lives. I have been isolated and physically sickened by what happens. I am very accomplished (though I don't believe it) a doctorate, a masters degree ... despite this I did everything I could and sacrificed myself and my time and my life to jump through hoops that could never lead to acceptance. The writer is correct. Have the courage to leave. It is not worth what they do to you. But it is hard for me to trust again and not be hurt.

if you read this thanks for putting up with the incoherency. This is the most unbelievable thing I have read in a long time -- because it is a perfect description of something that happened for more often than you would think!

I am so sorry all that happened to you.
I know in the early days of my marriage I had some of these traits. It was the fallout from the repressed anger of what I saw growing up. My husband is so patient and loving. I wish I could talk to young men and women and tell them all that anger is effective for one thing only: pushing people out of your life.
I came to Jesus in 1998. I now thank the Lord for my husband.
I hope you haven’t soured on all women although I could understand if you did. Many women have experienced the same and feel the same too. It’s such a colossal waste of time and life is too short. May you find peace and happiness.

I feel your pain, brother.

I vowed that I would never let another man raise my kids, and I've stuck to it. My parents divorced when I was six, and they played my sister and I like ping pong balls. Fortunately, my stepfather was a great influence on me.

My newfound interest in wine and viticulture has become an escape valve. Not because of the alcohol, but because I can get out of the house if I need to, and whether it's a winery or a wine bar, there's almost always someone to strike up a conversation with.

I'm extroverted in that regard, and I've learned that my daughter and grandson are like me.

There are times when my wife will join me, and she enjoys a good glass of wine, too. It puts us in a nonthreatening location, and enables us to change the conversation.

One bit of advice: be leery of middle aged women who've preceded you to that location by an hour or more. After their second bottle, they can become very "friendly." lol

SAme here, but 20 years. Blindsided. Also, following 14 months of forced celibacy.

Difference is that after several sessions with my church leaders to try to work it out, utterly failing, I prayed that if one was leaving to free the other (love wise). I realized, two weeks later, that I no longer had a scrap of feeling for her. A week after that I went to my 25 year class reunion and met the woman I’ve now been married to for 18.5 years. She truly is the love of my life and the honeymoon is not over.

We simply NEVER fight and always treat each other with utmost respect. I treat her as if I’m blessed to have her in my life. It’s easy because it is how I feel.

And she treats me the same way. And for the same reason.

And at the center of it all is God.