Live Long and Spork
Arrrr. A shark bit it off rounding Cape Horn in a storm where I was washed over board. Me 1st mate threw me a line and saved me life.
Well, how did you lose your hand and get that hook?
Arrr. I was raising the main sail and the wind whipped the line around me wrist and snipped off me hand quick as a wink.
Wow! So how did you lose your eye?
Arrr. A seagull pooped in me eye when I was looking up into the crow's nest.Aye lad. T'was me first day with the hook.
Really GREATNESS