Posted on 07/24/2011 7:31:13 AM PDT by flowerplough
That was beautiful. Thank you.
I turned 20 in March of 1976. He turned 20 that April and we were married in May. There were times when we stayed together because we had no where else to go. Mostly though, we celebrated each other.
I watched my mother and then later my mother-in-law become widows. I came to the conclusion that if done right - no matter how long you have together, it won’t be long enough. After 35 years, my heart still goes pitter pat when I hear him coming up the walk each evening on his way home
from work.
This was all brought home to me last March when he was diagnosed
with cancer. We are aggressively dealing with it and things are
progressing well, and I believed it before, but right now, I wouldn’t traded one second of the last 35 years, the easy ones nor the hard ones.
I pray you have many more years together.
Early marriage is only a problem for those who don’t believe in commitment - but marriage at any age is a problem for such people.
***
Best comment on the entire thread!
I agree with your basic thesis (people in the military for their first hitch should think long and hard about marriage because many don’t last due to hardships), but one size does not fit all.
I married my high school sweet heart when I was 21 and she was 19 and I was half way through my first (and only) six year enlistment. Was it difficult for both of us? Yes, no doubt. But enduring through those struggles made us stronger. We both decided against having children while I remained in the Navy because of deployment issues.
I am happy to say that I am still married to my sweet heart. We are rapidly approaching our 25th anniversery next month.
As a side note, we had our first child when I was 25 and our last child when I was 30. I am glad to have gone through those younger years while my body could take more punishment and do more things with them. I can’t imagine how much I would miss trying to have young kids now at my current age (46).
Why did you wait so long, we had our 53rd last month!
It is a simple argument. Younger marriage for more children with more active parents. Older marriage with the *hope*, no guarantees, of more economic stability. However, if you vie for older marriage, there is an increasing chance that you won’t have *any* children, or even marriage. At all.
This sets up an ugly situation that people who are trying to be *more* responsible have fewer children, and have less energy to raise them with.
Thus the best situation would be for younger people to be subsidized in marriage and raising of their children, likely by *their* parents. This goes against the grain, however, for several reasons.
To start with, while many older parents and grandparents today started out with *nothing* when they entered the work force, this is still a LOT better than today’s young people, who start out deeply in debt, and have to spend years paying off their debts before they can even proudly say that they are broke.
Today’s workforce is also fully flushed out, so with the exception of some jobs, like nursing, deeply indebted young people cannot assume they can get the jobs they were trained for.
The bottom line forces many people who would have loved to marry young to put off marriage, and those who don’t care to have children in their stead. This means a lot of unwed mothers and lots of social problems.
So again, the answer is probably for young people to not accrue debt in the first place, by not going to college, and to have their livelihood provided, and children paid for, by their parents.
Will they be irresponsible because of this? Probably not. Though they would have enjoyed a more “honorable” life, like that of their parents and grandparents, times have changed, and they must make due.
Instead focus on having and raising healthy and happy children, so that maybe the next generation can have things better off.
A starter marriage is like a starter home, good enough, and financially advantageous, but “I expect to be moving up to a better one soon if things go well enough for me”. And “hayna” is the Northeast Pennsylvania coal cracker’s “ain’t it”. What are your further questions? Enjoy your coffee. I’m just back from church, also, but it’s way too hot to drink coffee here.
When I arranged for our 50th anniversary party 3 other couples wanted the space for the same night same event for themselves. It made me feel good that so many people have been together for so long. All you tend to hear about are the divorces.
“I agree with your basic thesis (people in the military for their first hitch should think long and hard about marriage because many don’t last due to hardships), but one size does not fit all.”
Due to the increase in BAH and other goodies E-nothings get from getting married, very little if any thought of the negative consequences goes in getting married. Thus there is a perverse incentive with the only means of stopping is through a regulatory ban.
Oh, I agree that many young folks think that military pay is so huuuuge and will cover a miriad of wants or debts. However, once they get into the ‘boat’ realize that it aint “all that” and combined with their military spouses long absences, stresses overwhelm what little the pay check covers.
Not only did I see this back in the 1980’s when I was in, but my son, who is now in the Army, relates to me on what he sees now when he’s in. (He’s not married, nor is he looking right now. His main focus is to get trained up and get deployed, not to get bogged down with women issues.)
Like I said, I agree that it would probably be a good thing if the military restricted marriages before a certain age or pay grade, but then again, if people are really committed to each other, they can get through anything.
Mrs. SV and I too. Married at 19 and 22 years later we are more in love than ever. All I know in life is being with her.
When I look at people my age who never married, and are still looking - they seem to have a long list of requirements they want in the perfect mate. A list which no one is going satisfy.
I heard a guy once use a blackjack analogy in describing looking for a mate. He said, "Don't hit on 20". If your prospective mate is damn close to perfect you had better marry that one because you are unlikely to do better.
Sergeants may marry.
Captains must marry.
Old rule of thumb
“they’ll never make it”
Us too. We’ve been married 40 years and got married at 17.
One of my granddaughters is older than I was when I married, she just sort of started dating in the last 6 months. She spends time with guys but normally with her parent, brother or other friends present.
I was engaged at 21, luckily I didn’t go through with it, but was married at 27, even then I suppose I didn’t do so hot as that chapter has closed, but I still think that the way folks did things a while ago is pretty decent.
People used to get married pretty young and grow together. Nowadays you see everyone wanting to reach full potential then marry, or make a certain amount, or reach that certain career goal. I’m more of a wing it and let God sort it out kind of guy I suppose.
God bless you and may he grant you a healthy baby. We lost our first one, now have 3, it’s a terrible feeling and I can relate, not that many times though. Abraham and Sarah didn’t give up either:).
She spends time with guys but normally with her parent, brother or other friends present.
- - - — -
Even in our early 20’s when we were courting, our dates were either at church (we both worked in youth ministry), with one of the older youth workers and his wife - either at their home or out in public, or at the home of my grandparents.
It isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Thank you for your encouragement. I needed it today. May God bless you.
It seems that the marriage age is moving back to what it used to be, in recent times the average marrying age had been dropping.
I was - my hubby’s family went through a painful divorce when he was a child. I think watching his mom go through that made him determined not to put his own family through it.
thank you!
Yes - the children are key. I also think we lucked out. We still like being around each other - enjoy each other’s company. We have fun.
I listen to people complaining how difficult marriage is - how they and their spouses avoid each other.
I think life is alot more fun with my hubby in it!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.