"Ooooo I love control"
More evidence that nice guys finish last.
I am a nice guy, usually, and I have never been able to fake that cocky assertiveness some guys have...so I suppose I’ll never be as rich as Donald Trump...
watch Bully beat down and decide for yourself...
sounds like their research was based on the plot of every teen movie made in the last 30 years.
Play by the rules, pay your taxes, keep your nose clean - no one cares.
Make a circus of yourself, caught in scandals, lie, cheat, steal - they’ll make you a millionaire star.
Some people define "bullying" as somebody getting an "A" when they get a "C."
I think this article is spot-on. I’ve never bought the bullies-are-hurting-inside psychobabble. Kids can be cruel because they can’t empathize until they themselves suffer. Thus, kids at the top of the social heap are more likely to be mean, whereas kids who are picked-on are usually kind to other kids. Growing up, the smarter (in a non-nerdy way), more athletic, better looking kids were the bullies and the ugly, uncoordinated kids in the “dumb group†were the ones they picked on. It has been ever thus.
My purely casual longitudinal study says bullying is a short-term tactic that rarely pays off in the long-term. I can’t think of a single person that could have worn the title of bully at any level of the schools I attended that now could be considered a long-term success across more than 4 decades, post-K12 school.
My husband and I just had a long conversation about one of our daughters (8 years old). She can be very sweet and kind, yet we know that if she were in public school she would most likely be one of the “mean girls”.
She is very confident and is always surrounded by friends. She also has the ability to make others feel very left out. She thrives on being accepted and liked and will do what it takes for that to happen. We saw this when she was 4 years old and in preschool. It strongly influenced our decision to homeschool.
So all of those school self esteem programs are essentially teaching children to become tyrants? Nice!
It’s better to teach your child how to deal with these school yard tyrants with quick witted communication for verbal take downs and then make sure they are educated in a several forms of the most vicious martial arts you can find for them to learn so their words are backed up by action.
Instead of them having superficial self esteem they’ll have a deeper confidence to handle those difficult situations.
I can definitely say that when it comes to pre-teen and teen girls, the ones who are the “mean” girls are the more popular ones. They may not fight each other physically but will humiliate other “less popular” girls on appearance, size, academics etc... Just an observation.
They talk about “aggressive behavior” like its a bad thing.
I guess they don’t want any kids getting out of school with any courage and self-assertion left in them.
“Researchers believe administrators, teachers and parents need to work collaboratively to change the peer culture that encourages bullying.”
Not going to work. This is basic human nature. The whole “bullies are hurting inside” garbage was soft-brained psycobabble, but so is this.
Bullies bully because they can and it boosts their social status (except with some of the more mature females). This type of “understanding” and zero tolerance rules actually help THEM. The proper way to control bullies is to punish them for being bullies. It’s called “imposing consequences,” and it works.
PS When I was a kid, I was bullied. Until I kicked the snot out of one of the bullies. Then I became more popular...
Some of my best friends were bullies. We had a kid that was 14 in the sixth grade. The beatings he would administer to kids during lunch hour got us all hard enough to look upon blood and gore without flinching. I can still hear the cheers and roars of approval. Bullies have a necessary function
"Ooooo I love control"
http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
An excellent treatment on the subject. Summed up... social heirarchy in schools are artificial in that they are “zero-sum” games. IOW’s one individual’s popularity often comes at the expense of anothers, rather like a royal court. Anyway, a great read!
Of course. The bully always has his sycophants. And is always the one most in need of sycophants.
“According to a recent study involving 5th and 6th graders, it’s not the bullies who are disliked by their classmates, but the kids being bullied.”
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This might be because their classmates are afraid what might happen to them if they are seen to ‘like’ the victims. By scorning the victims they may be trying to protect themselves by quietly aligning themselves with the bully.
Some bullies are abused children venting in public - doesn’t make it acceptable but explanable.
I have always noted that a ‘true’ bully is a coward that can be deflated with an aggressive response or ridicule that strikes deep.
However, I fear that some of these bullies are developing personality disorders which will become more obvious and even more damaging in adulthood. And yes, those types are rewarded because, from childhood, they have been crafting a false image of themselves that ‘plays well’ in the boardroom. They pose as tough, courageous, brave when they are not. They pretend that they know all the answers yet don’t bother to actually know the answers (e.g., they won’t prepare, study, extend their knowledge unless forced to do so).
Obama is a ‘wanna be’ bully. Failed at it but still poses as one. The ‘I won’ answer he gave to repubs - he studied that from bullies that terrified him. He was a ‘classmate’ who learned to dump hostility on victims around him, to protect himself from bullies, until he got older - and learned that in politics it works better if you pretend to care about the victims. So that’s why he became a community organizer. Because he failed at being a bully.
Both of my kids had parental approval to knock the snot of anyone bullying them and they knew if they bullied anyone they’d get the snot knocked of them either me or their mom.
Any parent who sides with schools and scolds a kid for defending themselves against a bully is doing a disservice to their child.
Their only goal in life is winning. They will do anything to win and even act against their own self-interest to force their will upon others.
Various studies have shown they represent about 4% of the general population. They are responsible for most of the world's interpersonal misery and they actually have a brain scan different from normal human beings.
If these individuals were quickly identified and physically isolated, the world would be a demonstrably better place.
They cannot be "cured" as they see absolutely nothing wrong with themselves. They do not have normal emotions and cannot feel love or guilt as would a normal human with a conscience.
They are not necessarily violent criminals but are a scourge upon the human population because of their complete absence of connection to the basic social contract most humans respect and follow.
There is an educational theory that to my knowledge has never been intentionally tried.
If you look at a wolf pack, its puppies continually vie for position until a hierarchy has been established. But calling it a hierarchy is something of a human construct, because while there are alpha and beta, all the way to omega wolves, once wolves have found their place in the pack, they perform a *specialized* purpose for that role. And even the omega dog purpose is important to the pack as a whole.
So instead of trying to push all children to all be “alphas”, what would happen if they were not just permitted to establish their own pecking order, but facilitated in establishing their role among their peers?