Ping
Bump.
ROtFL
“We pretend to work, they pretend to pay us.”
“There is no Pravda in Isvestia and no Isvestia in Pravda.”
ROFLMAO
The bad news - awful crops -manufacuring output poor - no heating oil.
The Good news - it will be a whole lot better than under the next five year plan.
Are you sure this is a Soviet joke? I think it might be the Democratic party economic plan.
old but still good
bump
Ah, the memories... BTT.
I’m going to venture a guess that dimlibs won’t find these jokes funny at all.
LOL! Two guys walking down the street in Moscow, one turns to the other, says “Do you think we’ve finally acheived perfect socialism?” His friend says “No Boris, it will get much worse”
2) An old man is dying in his hovel on the steppes. There is a menacing banging on the door. ‘Whose there?’ the old man asks. ‘Death ‘comes the reply. ‘Thank God for that,’ he says, ‘I thought it was the democrat.’ A democrat politician is walking in the park and he sees and old Jewish man reading a book. The democrat says “What are you reading old man?” The old man says “I am trying to teach myself Hebrew.” democrat says “Why are you trying to learn Hebrew? Why do you want to go to Israel, we will see that zionist country is destroyed for their atrocities against the Palestinians.” “I am learning Hebrew so that when I die and go to Heaven I will be able to speak to Abraham and Moses. Hebrew is the language they speak in Heaven.” the old man replies. “But what if when you die you go to Hell?” asks democrat. And the old man replies, “Living with democrats I already know.”
"How many Jews do we have in the USSR?"
"Fourteen million", replied the aide.
And how many of those would take the opportunity to emigrate to Israel if I allow it", asked Brezhnev.
"Thirty-seven million."
KGB officer tells the next of kin that their father committed suicide.
Kin: How did he die?
KGB: Skull fracture.
Kin: Skull fracture?
KGB: Well, he wouldn’t take the poison.
Here’s the joke that was featured in “The Lives of Others”
Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: “Good morning, dear Sun!”
The sun replies: “Good morning, dear Erich!”
Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: “Good afternoon, dear Sun!”
The sun replies: “Good afternoon, dear Erich!”
In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: “Good evening, dear Sun!”
The sun is silent.
Honecker says again: “Good evening, dear Sun! What’s the matter with you?”
The sun replies: “Kiss my ass. I’m in the West now.”
“
7) A man saves up his ruples and is finally able to buy a car in
Soviet Russia....
“
IIRC, that joke was used by President Ronald Reagan.
I heard some reporter/commentator repeating it.
I suspect I, AT THE LEAST, bruised some ribs with spontaneous laughter.
How about a contemporary one. Obama is told that 3 Brazilians have died in Iraq. Immediately, he falls to his knees facing Mecca with tears in his eyes and cries, "Bush's fault! Bush's fault!", and continues on with how the Republicans are all to blame.
He then gets up and finds his wife. He whispers, "Psst! Michelle! How many is in a brazillion?"
“
Top Ten Communist Jokes
“
And the greatest Communist joke...
Communism itself was a joke, but only worthy of sadness and derision.
"Excuse me," the reporter asks, "but what is your opinion of the current meat shortage?"
The Russian says, "What is opinion?"
The Rumanian says, "What is meat?"
The American says, "What's a shortage?"
The Israeli says, "What is excuse me?"