Posted on 10/30/2006 2:46:31 AM PST by PJ-Comix
Forget the polls. They are about as accurate as the more "scientific" exit polls. The only thing you need to keep in mind is who are the generals in this political war. On the one side we have Howard Dean and on the other side is Karl Rove. And as we all know, Howard Dean's pathetic Kung Fu is no match for Master Rove's Kung Fu. While Scream Dean has come up with a bizarre 50 state strategy that wastes Democrat resources, Master Rove has devised a plan in which the Democrats are but mere asteroidal specks aimlessly floating in the vast Rovian Galaxy. The DUmmies are just now beginning to sense this and Rove PANIC has just started setting in beginning with this THREAD titled, "Broward Co., FL: Votes for Democrats are registering for Republicans." This is followed by nervous SPECULATION about Master Rove's secret plan. Finally we have the DUmmies sweating over the fact that a big DUmmiecrat has already thrown in the towel in this THREAD titled, "Thom Hartman on Mother Jones: GOP will keep both houses." So let us now watch the DUmmies trembling before the might of Master Rove in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, suggesting the DUmmies take a deep whiff of chloroform to ease the tortuous Rovian pain, is in the [brackets]:
Broward Co., FL: Votes for Democrats are registering for Republicans
[Since I already did my early voting myself, out of curiosity I chose a couple of Democrat candidates only to see the Republicans pop up on the review screen. The poll workers turned their heads sharply in my direction when they heard me yell: "ROVE, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!"]
Several South Florida voters say the choices they touched on the electronic screens were not the ones that appeared on the review screen -- the final voting step. Election officials say they aren't aware of any serious voting issues. But in Broward County, for example, they don't know how widespread the machine problems are because there's no process for poll workers to quickly report minor issues and no central database of machine problems.
[We own ALL your Diebold machines!]
Debra A. Reed voted with her boss on Wednesday at African-American Research Library and Cultural Center near Fort Lauderdale. Her vote went smoothly, but boss Gary Rudolf called her over to look at what was happening on his machine. He touched the screen for gubernatorial candidate Jim Davis, a Democrat, but the review screen repeatedly registered the Republican, Charlie Crist.
[Hee! Hee!]
That's exactly the kind of problem that sends conspiracy theorists into high gear -- especially in South Florida, where a history of problems at the polls have made voters particularly skittish.A poll worker then helped Rudolf, but it took three tries to get it right, Reed said.''I'm shocked because I really want . . . to trust that the issues with irregularities with voting machines have been resolved,'' said Reed, a paralegal. ``It worries me because the races are so close.''
[Don't worry. It ultimately registered a vote for a Republican no matter what your review screen said.]
Mauricio Raponi wanted to vote for Democrats across the board at the Lemon City Library in Miami on Thursday. But each time he hit the button next to the candidate, the Republican choice showed up. Raponi, 53, persevered until the machine worked. Then he alerted a poll worker.
[What's Raponi's DUmmie screen name. And now to hear the Rovian conspiracy theories from the DUmmies.]
Who the hell are programming these things?
[Perfect Rovian programming agents.]
If someone really wanted to commit election fraud, the voter wouldn't see the improper selection. But these damn screens are notorious for miscalibration and poll workers are trained to reset them.
[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]
It gives me a lot of faith in the ATM machines across the nation that have Diebold written on them.
[Republicans get a $50 bonus on all withdrawals if they insert their vote card into those ATMs.]
its got nothing to do with calibration. it is obviously deliberate.
[Guess who the wizard is hiding inside your Diebold machine?]
I've seen you before at DU, often pooh-poohing problems in this EGREGIOUSLY non-transparent voting technology. Do you LIKE non-transparent, unverifiable vote counting, run on TRADE SECRET, PROPRIETARY programming code, owned and controlled by Bushite corporations? Please tell us.
[Yup!]
Didn't we go through all this when Bev Harris was pulling DUers chains?
[Bev Harris is just $10 away from yanking your chain.]
They only miscalibrate one way. Funny how that works.
[Karl Rove is laughing all the way to the computer bank.]
This is an OUTRAGEOUS situation. It's not outside hackers that are the danger--it's INSIDE hackers! Thus, all these so-called "security" measures are a farce, a dumbshow, designed to hoodwink election workers and the public. Our democracy is in mortal danger from these machines. We must get rid of them. We MUST!
[Good news! If your voting precinct uses electronic machines, you have the option to cast your ballot by paper on Nov. 8. Write down that date. November 8.]
Oh No - OF Course Its Not Deliberate - It Just Only Always Favors Rethugs
[ROVE, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!]
No wonder rove had his usual smirk...he knows what the outcome will be since they programmed them again. Why is it...the mistakes are ALWAYS in favor of the republicans. No once has a republican came forward and said the machine bounced to the democrat when the selected a republican.
[Its the hit new Christmas toy---The Smirking Rove. And it now includes a camera and MP3 player!!! (Batteries not included.)]
Those Machines should be detained for forensic purposes
[Seal off those precincts with yellow police tape and dust down all Diebolds for fingerprints!]
BRENDA SNIPES IS A BUSH ASS KISSER . HER JOB IS TO MAKE SURE SHE HANDS THE VOTES OVER TO REPUBLICANS. SHE WILL SAY THE MACHINE HAD A HICCUP. SHE WILL SAY THE MACHINE HAD A GLITCH. SHE WILL SAY THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS--BUT ALL THE TIME BRENDA BUSH ASS KISSER IS WORKING TO DELIVER THE VOTES TO THE REPUBLICANS.
[Strange. I thought Brenda Snipes is a DEMOCRAT but what do I know?]
this afternoon some guy was walking the neighborhood. he said he was canvassing for KLEIN the democrat running against CLAY SHAW. HE HAD MY NAME, MY HUSBAND'S NAME AND OUR SON'S NAME. HE ASKED IF WE WERE GOING TO VOTE FOR KLEIN. but since i don't care who knows that i will never vote republican i told him yes, then gave him a piece of my mind about bush and about the delusional thinking of KLEIN and every other democrat who thinks they are going to win and take democracy back with votes as long as bush and the likes of brenda the bush asskisser snipes control the machines. then i told him 'for all i know you might be an undercover homeland security person--he had a handheld machine that he kept punching as i kept talking--and who knows if someone is going to come and take me away after all i've told you--but quite frankly, i don't care. he said he wouldn't be wearing a VOTE FOR KLEIN gummy sticker posted to his shirt if he were a homeland security. i said yes you would. if you were a homeland security undercover person you would be wearing a kline sticker.
[They're coming to take me away!
Hee! Hee!
They're coming to take me away!
Ho! Ho!]
Will someone please explain to me why the "glitch" always works in favor of Repugs?
[Karl Rove will be happy to explain...right after the election.]
WTF is it going to take to get people angry enough to get off their asses???
[A cut off in pizza delivery service?]
NEWS EDITORS: STOP CALLING THEM "GLITCHES" Because never once, EVER, has there been a reported case of Dems getting wrong votes, why don't you editors accurately call it "GOP BIAS" or "REPUBLICAN SOFTWARE DEFAULT SETTINGS" or something truthful that makes the theft of Democracy sound a little less trivial?
[May I recommend a double dose of chloroform to ease the pain?]
I don't remember ever reading of a Bush to Kerry flip
[But I do remember a Kerry to Edwards flop.]
The ES&S Touchscreens need to be cleaned with windex. skin oils get on the screen and divert the galvonic response.
[Karl Rove has already programmed the windex to divert a galvonic response in the GOP direction.]
Not to mention Estee Lauder hand cream!
[Or petroleum jelly when voting on gay marriage issues.]
Why is anybody surprised? This is going to happen everywhere.
[Instead of mere chloroform, I recommend a plastic bag over the head to ease your pain.]
Robert F Kennedy Jr., won't you say something about this?
["I prefer to rub my touchscreen with an illegal substance."]
Hand Counted Paper Ballots NOW! ...or Fascism Forever. Are you ready for a full scale revolt? Cuz that is the only way to restore democracy. Massive gov't shutdown NOW!!!
[Massive gov't shutdown NOW!!! Don't leave your homes until Nov. 8!!! And now we visit the DUmmies sweating bullets over Karl Rove's 11th hour PLAN.]
LAT: GOP at a loss? Karl Rove has an 11th-hour plan to win
[You are about to enter A Perfect Rovian Plan!]
....Rove is giving a virtuoso performance designed to prevent the Democrats from taking control of the House and Senate or, if that is no longer possible, to hold down the size of the Democratic victory to make it easier for the GOP to come back in 2008. His plan is three-pronged: to re-energize any conservatives who may be flagging; to make sure the GOP's carefully constructed campaign apparatus is functioning at peak efficiency; and to put the resources of the federal government to use for political gain....
[Master Rove manipulating the chess pieces from the Death Star.]
This week, Rove and his staff...will oversee an exodus of political employees from Cabinet agencies, Capitol Hill and lobbying firms — many of them skilled campaign veterans — to more than a dozen battleground states. Many will act as "marshals," supervising the "72-hour plan" developed by Rove in 2001 with Ken Mehlman, the former White House political director who now heads the Republican National Committee....
[The "marshalls" will be wearing their breath masks.]
Last summer, they invited hundreds of political appointees from Cabinet agencies, along with other GOP activists and Hill staffers, to attend a pep rally in Washington. The event featured appeals to politically experienced federal appointees to volunteer for campaign work in battleground races in the final two weeks of the campaign....
[Did they cook marshmallows at the pep rally?]
Interior Department employees describe regular visits from Rove's staff during Bush's first term. On one occasion, Rove visited a retreat for the 50 top Interior Department managers. The lights dimmed in an agency conference room as Rove went through a PowerPoint presentation showing battleground races in the 2002 midterm election, and occasionally made oblique but clearly understood references to Interior Department decisions that could affect these races.
["Welcome to the Death Star. Emperor Palpatine will be joining us in a few minutes."]
By stopping short of explicitly calling on the Interior Department officials to take action, Rove stayed within the rules against exerting improper political influence....As the White House official considered closest to the president, Rove — along with his staff — not only influences government decisions and the travel schedules of GOP officeholders, but organizes leaders of private-sector groups who are investing heavily in the election....
[As the White House official considered closest to the president, Rove not only influences government decisions and the travel schedules of GOP officeholders but also affects the path of each and every tiny neutrino on the far side of the galaxy.]
I'll tell you what a Democratic Congress must investigate (if they win) are the flagrant violations of the Hatch Act being committed by Karl Rove, basically running the RNC out of the West Wing of the White House, all while drawing a government salary,.
[As opposed to Hillary running the DNC out of the War Room in the White House basement.]
The Foley story broke just a bit too early. And Rove knows just what to do,and has the money to do it, to manipulate the bad news off the TV screen. He manipulates well
[Tremble before the power that is the Mighty Master Rove!]
I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But I sense a momentum, especially after watching the Ford/Corker debate, that is building.
[Strange how that momentum has seemed to be contantly moving only in the direction of the Democrats for the past year.]
Rigging from coast to coast folks is how Rove does his numbers.
[Rigging from coast to coast and on all the ships at sea.]
I am so sick of hearing about Rover. He needs to wake up and find his ass in the slammer.
[Didn't Karl Rove wake up in the slammer on May 12?]
The thing to be careful of is that they don't use Saddam's verdict on Nov 5th in the same way they used Osama's video in Nov' 04...i.e. as an excuse that voters changed their minds at the last minute because they believed the Repubs were stronger on security... If the Democrats have any sense they will have something lined up to counteract that or even distract from it.
[They will have Dennis Kucinich lined up to go on TV and declare Bush a war criminal who must be sent to The Hague.]
It seems like such an uphill battle doesn't it? The corporate media is our biggest block to reaching the people.
[Dusting off the old "couldn't get the message out" excuse? And now on to a DUmmiecrat who has already declared DEFEAT.]
Thom Hartman on Mother Jones: GOP will keep both houses
[A rarity---a reality-based DUmmiecrat.]
He said it just now on AAR radio, citing Diebold and voter intimidation among other things, I don't have a link. He added that 06 has been stolen months ago, voter turnout will mean shit.
[It's a done deal so no need for you to vote on Nov. 8.]
People have to go vote and feel the pain as there vote is block, flipped or Diebolded.
[The Joy of Masochism.]
voter turnout was huge in 2004. It was democratic. They stole the eleciotn. now their machines are everywhere. Much easier to steal this one than the last one, which they stole with ease.
[Stealing this election is a piece of cake.]
If the GOP holds the House (and it's beginning to look like the Senate, too), then we can be sure the reason is something like Diebold and voter intimidation. If the election were held tomorrow, and the Republicans hang on, we have every right to assue massive fraud was the reason. We shall respond appropriately, as did the Ukrainian people last year.
[Get ready to break out your orange diapers.]
Damn, and I already voted...
[If you didn't rub the touch screen with windex, guess what galvonic reaction your skin oils caused in the Diebold machine.]
I am Very pessimistic. And I BLAME the Democrats.
[Karl Rove is deeply saddened that you don't also blame him.]
If we don't turn out they may actually win without fraud. Not much of a leg to stand on if you want to argue on Nov. 8th.
[I really don't feel like arguing with you on Nov. 8 when you cast your vote.]
Ah, Big Oil! I KNEW it!
It's a glitch in the flux capacitor.
PAPER BALLOTS
Tune: "Paper Roses"
I sure despise the way you guys are staring
With sideways looks like I'm a kook to ask;
Just give me paper now or I'll start swearing
And hit you fascists with my Guy Fawkes mask!
Paper ballots, paper ballots--
Oh, how real those ballots seem to be!
But they're only a placebo:
Diebold says we're voting GOP!
I knew that Rove would plot a perfect caper
And try to make me go and touch a screen;
But I won't vote unless it's made of paper,
So find the form I want or I will scream!
Paper ballots, paper ballots--
Oh, how real those ballots seem to be!
But they're only a placebo:
Diebold says we're voting GOP!
Diebold says we're voting GOP!
PINKFINGER
Tune: "Goldfinger"
Pinkfinger
He's the man, the man with the Diebold touch
A screen you touch
Such a jinx-bringer
Beckons you to let up before you win
But don't give in
Poll results he will pour in your ear
But his polls can't control what you fear
For a Democrat knows there's disaster
On the list for Dems from Master . . .
Pinkfinger
Democrat, beware of the tricks of Rove
The web he wove.
Poll results he will pour in your ear
But his polls can't control what you fear
For a Democrat knows there's disaster
On the list for Dems from Master . . .
Pinkfinger
Democrat, beware of the tricks of Rove
The web he wove.
We fear only Rove
Only Rove
We fear Rove
We fear only Rove
Only Rove
We fear Rove
We fear Rove!
CRY (If you see polls)
By Johnnie Ray-of-Sunshine
Tune: "Cry" (If your sweetheart)
If you see polls that turn out to be too high
It's just Diebold, you'll feel better if you cry
When voting on a touchscreen
Don't you sometimes think it's real
But it's only fall elections that they steal
If the FReepers seem to hang around and gloat
And the red states keep getting redder with each vote
November storm clouds can be found
Behind the sunny skies
So get your hopes down and go on and cry
If the FReepers seem to hang around and gloat
And the red states keep getting redder with each vote
Well now, November storm clouds can be found
Behind a sunny sky
So get your hopes down and go on and cry
But of course it won't be. The election will be held on November 8.
Remember, remember, the 8th of November. . . .
The Orange Revolution begins today!
You've spent too much time over there, your ability to think like them is disturbing!
ROFLOL! Magnificent, just like ol' Karl himself.
Every right, indeed. Because we ALL know that the only way Republicans could POSSIBLY win an election is by stealing it. ("I voted Democrat, and all my friends voted Democrat. Therefore we should have won by a 100% margin.")
. . . . . . . . . . . . "Set beebers to STUNE!"
BTW, your version of Cry is another winner even if the original lyrics are sappy.
EEEEUUUUUUWWWWWW!!!
Let's just forget that I ever brought up the subject of gerbils, OK? I just ate dinner and I would like to keep it down.
Whoa--those must be some outdated beebers...
I know about Johnny Ray because they had a really interesting DOCUMENTARY about him on the tube. He could actually work himself into massive tears while singing the "Cry" song. I also did some research on Ray. Good singer but he had some, um, personal problems that maybe I shouldn't mention.
Haven't heard of him...
I have a new favorite. You're satirical tune-smithing is on par with Dr. Tom Lehrer.
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