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DUmmie FUnnies 09-18-06 ("Yesterday, I Bought a Gun")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | September 18, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 09/18/2006 6:06:49 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

Remember the movie, The American President? It was standard liberal claptrap written by Aaron ("West Wing") Sorkin. The climax of this forgettable flick was a chip-on-the-shoulder speech by President Andrew Shepherd in which he strongly supported the banning of assault weapons and handguns. That was unquestioned liberal orthodoxy eleven years ago when that movie was made. However, it now appears that the Left has not only ditched the gun control shtick but now actively advocates arming themselves. Not against criminals but to fight against EVIL Republicans. They have even recently embraced the movie, "Red Dawn" which has until recently been denounced as a rightwing flick. Now the DUmmies are embracing this movie as a blueprint for their own imagined survivalist struggle against the Republicans where they fantasize themselves as leftwing Wolverines. This complete change in attitude towards guns can be seen in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Yesterday, I Bought a Gun." So let us now join the DUmmies as they fantasize themselves as leftist gunslingers in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing a bullet-proof vest, is in the [brackets]:

Yesterday, I Bought a Gun.

[WOLVERINES!!!]

It's a nice .223 mod. What did I buy it for you ask? Protection, nope. Hunting, nope. Harm to Others, Nope. I bought it for the day in my life when a war comes to my backdoor. I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door.

[Of course, this DUmmie doesn't even consider the possibility of a struggle with ACTUAL Muslim terrorists.]

With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.

[First you have to learn how to aim.]

However, what if this "conflict" never happens, what will I do with this gun? It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.

[You'll be buried under a pile of empty pizza cartons in a testament to your useless life in mommy's basement. Perhaps a friend will ennoble your pathetic existence by setting fire to those pizza cartons to give you a faux Viking funeral.]

For when the sword is mighter than the pen, you will live to see another day.

[Is that from "The Two Towers" or "Return of the King?"]

PS, I hope there are some ammo stores availabe during the apocolypse. Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.

[Even worse, you won't be able to buy toilet paper.]

They steal another election and we'll all be buying guns.

[You can then shoot yourself with a paintgun.]

I'm just saying that another round of Republican rule and we'll all have to become survivalists, 'cuz they don't seem to understand their responsibility to the public when catastrophe hits.

[Can you survive without order out pizza for a week?]

Hey, I'll tell you one other thing, there's a hippy farm about 30 miles from where I live. Hell I'll just head down there. The feds never mess with their "Hemp" production.

[Smoke all the hemp you want. Why change your lifestyle?]

Russian soldiers refused to fire on their countrymen... ---- And American soldiers, except for a few nutcases, will do so, too. In fact, it is highly unlikely that the Pentagon would follow the neocons down the path to military dictatorship. Not everyone is as crazy as the PNAC. ---- But just for the record, the American population is just about the best-armed civilian population on Earth. Those attempting to enforce widespread martial law would be faced off against 30-40 million armed Americans,.... who, after the first week, would have M-16's, too. ---- Thomas Jefferson could scarcely have imagined where history and technology would lead, but he understood human nature. 2nd amendment gun rights are not about hunting or recreation.

[I'm tempted to make the LOUSY FREEPER TROLL accusation but now I'm not so sure since the DUmmies have done a big one-eighty on the topic of gun control when they started thinking they would have to fight the EVIL Republicans.]

As far as a personal arsenal goes, I'd recommend one handgun (concealable defensive weapon,) one 12 gauge shotgun, and one rifle such as an AR-15, Kalashnikov, M-1 Garand or SKS.

[A DUmmie munitions expert weighs in.]

JOIN THE NRA NOW!!!!.....AND SHOW Them that libs and progressives beleieve in the right to bare arms.....

[Benburch believes in the right to bare buttocks.]

Lets satrt the DRA !!!

[DUmmie Rifle Association.]

But, at this point in time, there are other things to be concerned about and plan for. For instance, there's no doubt the blog-o-sphere has hurt these bastards. What happens if they decide to take it down under the guise of some free market bullshit? We all KNOW the corporate media hates the competition. One day DU just doesn't come up anymore. What multiplies our strength is the ability to communicate and get the truth out. It would be prudent to have other options available, wouldn't it ?

[Don't worry. I told Karl Rove to keep the blog-o-sphere up and running since you DUmmies are such a rich source for DUFU comedy material.]

Yep, and if you're going to use your gun to fight fascists, those fascists are likely to be in the form of a SWAT team, so you'll want to aim for the head, as the torso will be heavily armored.

[And of course the fascists that this DUmmie means are EVIL Republicans, not actual Islamofascist terrorists.]

I used to be adamantly anti-gun. No more. I haven't bought a gun yet, but I've thought about it.

[Especially after watching the "V For Vendetta" fantasy.]

I recently bought one too... It's a nice .40cal Ruger Semi-Auto, and it scares the living hell out of me. I've taken it out the the shooting range a few times now and there are no questions that it will obliterate anything unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. I hope to God that never happens, but I'm starting to feel a sense of security when I think about the fundamentalist nut jobs taking to the streets to bring us all to Jesus... If you start pushing your religious ideology on the rest of us, or dicking around with our civil rights, you'd best skip my place...

[Another DUmmie apparently unaware of the proclivities of REAL LIFE decapitating Islamofascist terrorists. Instead he lives in a "V For Vendetta" dreamworld.]

i am also armed with a .223 M4 carbine. The perfect CQB weapon next to the MP5, but can 'reach out and touch someone' effectively at 300 meters. You may want a sidearm too, a 9mm or .45ACP, as a last ditch defense or for a suicide out in a no-win worst case scenario. In these insane times its a sane choice to have a service weapon to defend your home. It's what's commonly referred to an STHF scenario, or Shit Hit The Fan, when society collapses into turmoil from civil unrest, catastrophic disasters, tyrannical government, religious fanatics, or zombies rising from the dead.

[I recommend you go straight to that suicide scenario from the get-go.]

As for the Microwave units that will undoubtedly be used against the populace at some point, since we're all guinea pigs to them anyway, bring a roll of TIN FOIL, drop it to the ground as you hang onto the free end of the roll in front of your body - creating a shield, and not only will it offer some protection, it will also play havoc with the unit sending the microwaves, especially if a BUNCH of people aimed the waves right back at them.

[And don't forget to roll that tinfoil into the shape of a hat to wear on your head.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2a; 2ndamendment; bang; banglist; democrats; dummies; guns; nra; rkba; secondamendment; tinfoil
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To: PJ-Comix; stands2reason
("Yesterday, I Bought a Gun")

Cue Steve Tyler: "DUmmie got a gun...DUmmie got a gun...Sane people should run..."

They have even recently embraced the movie, "Red Dawn" which has until recently been denounced as a rightwing flick. Now the DUmmies are embracing this movie as a blueprint for their own imagined survivalist struggle against the Republicans where they fantasize themselves as leftwing Wolverines.

Just so you know, DUmmies...we shoot better than the Soviets and Cubans in the movie.

I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door.

Yeah, I as a Christian care so much about your buggery habits and/or political opinions that I'll take over the country just to get you. Yeah, that's the ticket. Do us a favor and join the NRA, though, we can use everybody on the 2nd Amendment side we can get.

It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.

When you get to Hell, satan will say, "Ooh, I've been wanting one of these .223's!"

Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.

No, losers can buy ammo in every state.

They steal another election and we'll all be buying guns.

All 2,000 members of DU...minus the ones who can't buy because they're on antipsychotics, and the ones who are sock puppets for Will Pitt, and the ones who are "in a wheelchair and a lot of pain and have thirty illnesses and have to take eighty pills a day and the gubmint won't help me" and therefore can't shoot...so, about a squad of shooters when you get right down to it.

I'm just saying that another round of Republican rule and we'll all have to become survivalists, 'cuz they don't seem to understand their responsibility to the public when catastrophe hits.

Unlike that hero, School Bus Nagin.

Hey, I'll tell you one other thing, there's a hippy farm about 30 miles from where I live. Hell I'll just head down there. The feds never mess with their "Hemp" production.

That's because Halliburton hasn't finished the camp you and those hemp farmers are assigned to. When it's finished we'll come get you.

As far as a personal arsenal goes, I'd recommend one handgun (concealable defensive weapon,) one 12 gauge shotgun, and one rifle such as an AR-15, Kalashnikov, M-1 Garand or SKS.

[A DUmmie munitions expert weighs in.]

Maybe the DUmmies are low on smarts, but this guy's got it right.

JOIN THE NRA NOW!!!!.....AND SHOW Them that libs and progressives beleieve in the right to bare arms.....

But you don't, that's the problem. You never believed I had that right. You only believe it now when you think there's a genocide on the way and you're the alleged target. If you only believe a political principle because it is preventing your death, you don't really believe it.

For instance, there's no doubt the blog-o-sphere has hurt these bastards.

Yeah, just ask those conservative icons Dan Rather and Mary Mapes.

Yep, and if you're going to use your gun to fight fascists, those fascists are likely to be in the form of a SWAT team, so you'll want to aim for the head, as the torso will be heavily armored.

When G. Gordon Liddy said this, the Left wanted him hung.

I used to be adamantly anti-gun. No more. I haven't bought a gun yet, but I've thought about it.

Another person who only believes in a right when it benefits them. Wusses.

I recently bought one too... It's a nice .40cal Ruger Semi-Auto, and it scares the living hell out of me.

Why do I have a mental image of a guy sort of like Carson from Queer Eye, holding the gun with his thumb and forefinger as far from his body as he can get it, like someone throwing a dead mouse in the trash can?

I've taken it out the the shooting range a few times now and there are no questions that it will obliterate anything unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end.

Obliterated like the average Dummie's intellect was obliterated by recreational drugs.

I hope to God that never happens, but I'm starting to feel a sense of security when I think about the fundamentalist nut jobs taking to the streets to bring us all to Jesus...

Worry about Jesus, sonny. He's the one coming by with a sword, not me.

If you start pushing your religious ideology on the rest of us, or dicking around with our civil rights, you'd best skip my place...

Sure, tell Osama that.

You may want a sidearm too, a 9mm or .45ACP, as a last ditch defense or for a suicide out in a no-win worst case scenario.

You're already in a worst case scenario, you have Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid speaking for your movement.

As for the Microwave units that will undoubtedly be used against the populace at some point, since we're all guinea pigs to them anyway, bring a roll of TIN FOIL, drop it to the ground as you hang onto the free end of the roll in front of your body - creating a shield, and not only will it offer some protection, it will also play havoc with the unit sending the microwaves, especially if a BUNCH of people aimed the waves right back at them.

Nothing I say is going to be funnier than that post.


141 posted on 09/19/2006 10:31:27 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: Petronski

LOL!!!!


142 posted on 09/19/2006 10:33:29 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: SolidusRaccoon
sk a DUmmie what's a bigger threat.

A: The Muslim with a bomb strapped to their chest screaming "KILL KILL THE INFIDEL, JIHAD, DEATH TO AMERICA"

B: The little old Christian lady across the street who never bothers anyone.

They will all say B, They want to vent their hate and anger of a "soft" target. They know the little old lady will never hurt them, that's why they attack and berate them. They don't have the courage to stand up and speak out against the true threats.

Just like all these "brave" and "risk taking" filmmakers who bash Christians, they know that no harm will come to them from their pieces of celluloid garbage. They know deep down they a Christian won't plunge a dagger into their chest. They are cowards, all of them. They just want fame and people to love them. They don't want to actually take risks and put their pampered lives at risk by even saying a negative word about Islam.


Exactly! They're all mouth and no azz,that's why they won't actually go after the group that really would kill them, because they would kill them! So because they know what weasels they really are,they go after a "safe" target to feel better about their cowardice. That'll do them a lot of good,won't it,when the real murderers(jihadists) come after them. They won't have any choice but to take their heads out of the sand,so the jihadists can cut them off.
143 posted on 09/19/2006 10:35:38 AM PDT by mrsmel (Men possess talent. Genius possesses men. Chocolate cravings possess women.)
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To: PJ-Comix
However, what if this "conflict" never happens, what will I do with this gun? It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.

[You'll be buried under a pile of empty pizza cartons in a testament to your useless life in mommy's basement...

ROFLMMFAO! I get so used to your humor PJ, that I rarely LOL anymore at work, and its a good thing, but today, you have almost gotten me in trouble!

What can one say, the DUmmies have decended to depths I didn't think possible. They are below the irrational, below the delusional. To what depths can they sink?

This is so funny, a bit scary, and you know what, its actually pathetic. A part of me does feel a little sorry for them, the same way I'd feel sorry for that little geek that would try to pick a fight with me in High School or something. I dunno, maybe they are talking this way because they think it will help them get more chicks? ("Pull more Ho's", in the current urban vernacular).

I wonder when we'll see DUmmies posting about training for the next UFC...

144 posted on 09/19/2006 10:42:40 AM PDT by Paradox (The "smarter" the individual, the greater his power of self-delusion.)
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To: PJ-Comix

# 919 and damn proud of it!


145 posted on 09/19/2006 11:06:14 AM PDT by wjcsux (The #1 issue this election; keep the RATS out!!)
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To: PJ-Comix

PING for later read.


146 posted on 09/19/2006 11:40:05 AM PDT by NotJustAnotherPrettyFace
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To: Charles Henrickson
You win the benburch joke prize for this thread.

For at least the month!

 


Come no closer ben burch.

ROFLMAO!!

147 posted on 09/19/2006 12:11:44 PM PDT by steve-b (The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.)
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To: PJ-Comix

This one is just too funny!

[Is that from "The Two Towers" or "Return of the King?"]

LOL!


148 posted on 09/19/2006 12:22:11 PM PDT by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: PJ-Comix
As for the Microwave units that will undoubtedly be used against the populace at some point, since we're all guinea pigs to them anyway, bring a roll of TIN FOIL, drop it to the ground as you hang onto the free end of the roll in front of your body - creating a shield, and not only will it offer some protection, it will also play havoc with the unit sending the microwaves, especially if a BUNCH of people aimed the waves right back at them.

OK, who slipped this guy the brown acid? SOMEBODY around here better 'fess up!

149 posted on 09/19/2006 12:25:29 PM PDT by BeHoldAPaleHorse ( ~()):~)>)
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To: PJ-Comix

TANKS,,I needed a good laugh,,,


150 posted on 09/19/2006 12:25:37 PM PDT by 1COUNTER-MORTER-68 (THROWING ANOTHER BULLET-RIDDLED TV IN THE PILE OUT BACK~~~~~)
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To: Ranxerox
What kind of round is good for fishin'?

These work pretty well, though they're noisy.


151 posted on 09/19/2006 12:27:15 PM PDT by archy (I am General Tso. This is my Chief of Staff, Colonel Sanders....)
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To: Firefigher NC
"I bought it for the day in my life when a war comes to my backdoor. I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door."

Thankfully, we have copies of the 4473 forms with your name and address, comrade.

152 posted on 09/19/2006 12:28:28 PM PDT by archy (I am General Tso. This is my Chief of Staff, Colonel Sanders....)
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To: archy
We had a guy go dynamite fishing in Lake Murray Reservoir in the 1960s.

Took a dozen sticks, taped them together, hooked up a blasting cap, and threw it in the water right under his boat.

One of the witnesses was a Navy vet who'd taken part in a nuclear depth-charge shot in 1962. He said it looked just like a small-scale version of this:

. . . except for the fact that what was left of the boat was on top of the explosion.

153 posted on 09/19/2006 12:31:16 PM PDT by BeHoldAPaleHorse ( ~()):~)>)
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To: archy
Thankfully, we have copies of the 4473 forms with your name and address, comrade.

Wonder if they're going to say, "DAMNIT! THAT WAS A STUPID IDEA WE HAD!"

154 posted on 09/19/2006 12:32:07 PM PDT by BeHoldAPaleHorse ( ~()):~)>)
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To: HungarianGypsy
How often do we sit around thinking, "Oh my! I better buy a gun in case a Leftist or an athiest shows up on my doorstep!"?

The founders thought it for us. :-)

155 posted on 09/19/2006 1:00:22 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: mrsmel
mrsmel said: So because they know what weasels they really are,they go after a "safe" target to feel better about their cowardice. "

Yes.

This is perhaps a corollary to the practice pointed out by Ann Coulter. The Libs choose spokes-people who cannot be challenged because of their special status.

Sheehan is a bereaved mother of an Iraq casualty.

Brady is the near-widow of the injured Jim Brady.

Jackson is the "colored" reverend who sacrificed for civil rights in the not-quite-forgotten past.

Only a heartless Republican would challenge any of these people's right to pronounce what the government should do to improve the nation.

156 posted on 09/19/2006 1:07:16 PM PDT by William Tell (RKBA for California (rkba.members.sonic.net) - Volunteer by contacting Dave at rkba@sonic.net)
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To: Ludicrous; PJ-Comix; stands2reason
About Red Dawn...a thought occurs: Don't the DUmmies remember the bit at the beginning where the Russkies and Cubans shoot up the high school and one guy is lying dead near his truck with the "pry it from my cold dead hands" bumper sticker? Don't they know from that that resistence is futile? :-)

Maybe they should also reflect on the casualty rate sustained by the Wolverines.

157 posted on 09/19/2006 1:14:06 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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To: William Tell

You're right,it does seem to be a corollary. Not to go off on a tangent,but I believe that this is what the American version of feminism has done to this country. The politics of "feelings,nothing more than feelings",and victimisation. The facts don't matter,only someone's unassailable position as a "victim". That word has become meaningless.


158 posted on 09/19/2006 1:14:28 PM PDT by mrsmel (Men possess talent. Genius possesses men. Chocolate cravings possess women.)
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To: PJ-Comix
From the DUmmie quotes: "I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe. "

This DUmmie must not live in Kalifornia or any of the states within the jurisdiction of the Ninth Circus Court of Appeals. This court has successfully ruled that the Second Amendment does not protect an individual right to keep and bear arms. The Kalifornia legislature could pass and Arnold might well sign a law declaring all firearms illegal. Without a US Supreme Court ruling overturning the Ninth Circus, there would be no legal barrier to such a law.

Until the Supreme Court fixes this problem, I would recommend being buried with a copy of the Declaration of Independence.

159 posted on 09/19/2006 1:15:07 PM PDT by William Tell (RKBA for California (rkba.members.sonic.net) - Volunteer by contacting Dave at rkba@sonic.net)
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To: chesley
BRING BACK THE FAIRNESS DOCTRINE

I refer to it as the Sulu Doctrine. Back in the day, George takei ran for mayor of L.A., and TV stations in southern Cali refused to run episodes of Star Trek (including even the Saturday morning cartoon version) because they were afraid that the Feds would consider Mr. Sulu a promotion of Takei's candidacy. There were 17 other candidates in the race, so if that had been the ruling each station would have owed the rest of the field 17 hours of free TV time for ever Trek episode aired.

Even if it wasn't a violation of free speech, we're talking DUMB policy here.

160 posted on 09/19/2006 1:26:00 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback ("Now they will know better than to fight a martial arts master who is also made of gelatin!")
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