How Kids Are Suffering Home Alone

Zenit ^ | 2005-02-27

[raybbr]

Geez. Sorry you had to go through this. There sure are some close-minded people here. To them there is either black or white.

I wish my wife could stay home - or at least me. But, we work opposite schedules and he see one of us all the time. It's been great raising him. We have a second due at any time. We will need some help then. We can't really afford childcare. It's going to get real busy around here soon.

[Jenya]

Two paychecks are needed because they live in a 2000 sq. ft. home, own two cars, eat out a lot, have computers, TV's, cable, internet access, etc. If people lived more modestly, they could make it on one paycheck.

So, what should they live in tiny homes with no tvs, internet, etc. That's not living the high life. My friend and her husband do not live extravagantly, but since homes are so expensive, as well as everything else, they both have to work. They drive older cars to get the kids around and to get to work. They have college to save for, retirement.

It's not like the old days when the cost of living allowed a family to live on one paycheck. People aren't going to live like Quakers.

[workerbee]

My argument has nothing to do with cold or unmaternal. I simply stated that most women are unreconciled to the arrangement of leaving the rearing of their children to someone else while they work outside the home. But, apparently, chiapet is not one of those. She chooses this over the alternative.

By asserting the "norm" that women are unreconciled to having their children in daycare and then pointing out that chiapet is a "rare bird" for not being the norm you assert, you tacitly endorse the idea that there must be something "wrong" with her, i.e., she must be unmaternal. I certainly think this is what many people would take from your statements. Elsewise, what difference does it make?

[keats5]

Yep, kids react differently when their parents are at work. My mom returned to work when I was about 11 years old. My sister was three years older. Our house soon became the neighborhood party house from 3- 6 PM every weekday. Even if I wanted to avoid temptation, it was staring me in the face everyday after school. My parents never seemed to have a clue. All the other parents in the neighborhood thought their kids were studying with us.

My kids are teens now. I have a good education and great career opportunities, but I stay home instead. My kids also know that if they visit a friend, I will first speak to the parents to ensure they will be around. I'm shocked that so many parents simply leave their kids so unsupervised.

[jjames001]

I could go either way on this...

I find my friends, those who have stay at home mothers, to be more spoiled and from my point of view, less polite. Kids need to learn to solve their own problems. They can't always depend on their parents to fix their issues.

I'm turning 15 in a few months. Sadly, we rarely have any good family dinners that was aren't on holidays or other special occasions. I have never experienced that even before my parents got divorced. My brother and I have been alone the majority of our lives. We were brought up as Christians, have good social lives, have had girlfriends, aren't intrested in having sex or oral sex, don't drink alcohol unless with parents (state law in wisconsin allows it), we don't do drugs or smoke, don't suffer from depression or have psychiatric problems, not obece(sp?) don't get in fights at school, we participate in many sports, get decent grades, and in fact, my older brother, 17, is enlisting in the Marines to be a UAV pilot. I will be enlisting in the Marines once i graduate from highschool too. (Not sure what MOS appeals most to me...)

My brother and I have turned out to be good teens who know how to live on our own. Most of what we have isn't from our parents love or caring about us, it is because they pray to God. Our loving relatives (especially my wonderful grandmother) pray and pray to Him for the best for us too.

IMHO

[anniegetyourgun]

I never said she was not normal or unmaternal - you are drawing such inference. I'm pointing out that she is an exception, in that she has options and chooses this one. Most women are never reconciled to such an arrangement and would not choose it. Many, however, must work outside the home (or feel that they have no option) - and simply live with the inner conflict. Therein is the "difference."

[kittymyrib]

Oh dear...you have a lot to learn. Good luck.

[anniegetyourgun]

It's not about the children, it's about living the "high life." Geez....I guess you aren't always right after all. ; 0

[ladiesview61]

Oh so you feel like you're being portrayed as a "sub-standard" mother because you choose to put you child in a daycare center? Well how about staying home with her and see how it feels to be portrayed as a "substandard HUMAN". And I wouldn't be comparing your kids to someone else's at this young age..Be careful what you say about how great your kids are..it might come back and bite you!

[Esther Ruth]

I think what it all comes down to is love. Who do you love, and who loves you, how much do you love them and do you know how good it really feels to be loved by someone, do you recognize the difference, has someone shown you so much love that you are able to love others that much and know the difference.

There ain't suppose to be so much discussin of "how well am I doing it or am I doing it enough". Moms just used to be crazy about their kids and wanted nothing else more than to be with them all the time, and when they where not with them they where thinking of them constantly and doing things for them while they waited for their returns. That is/was love and they way it used to work I think most of the time.

But a percentage of hearts have grown cold for different reasons and they do not care, are not able to love, don't know or realize that they are not even "doing" it right, and it is not cause the children are unloveable.

Love is a decision, not just a feeling, and in this day and age with SO many distractions parent HAVE TO work even harder at not allowing themselves to be distracted from LOVING their children, they decide to love, decide to turn off the tv, skip the women's selfish magazines, skip answering the phone and all the women in the neighborhood who would love to entice you to coffee clutch or whatever, hang out, and avoid the kids and husband. Kids just want you with them, that is it, nothing else,

[jjames001]

Or her child could be at a daycare......

[workerbee]

Read your replies #40 and #52. Of course I drew an inference on what you were telling chiapet. It's right there.

[Always Right]

It's not like the old days when the cost of living allowed a family to live on one paycheck.

Maybe, but then again I know some people that work that don't get paid too much more than what they pay in childcare.

[Miss Behave]

So very well said, Esther Ruth.

[anniegetyourgun]

Perhaps I misunderstood her choice. I thought she is choosing to work outside the home and place her daughter in daycare. 40 and 52 are simply a reiteration of what she has chosen. I don't disbelieve her when she indicates she is unconflicted about her choice. She is, however, unusual in that regard.

[HungarianGypsy]

So, what should they live in tiny homes with no tvs, internet, etc. That's not living the high life. My friend and her husband do not live extravagantly, but since homes are so expensive, as well as everything else, they both have to work. They drive older cars to get the kids around and to get to work. They have college to save for, retirement.
Yipes! I live in a tiny home. Maybe 1200 sq. feet. We hope to add on eventually. In my families case, we actually save money by me staying home. If I worked outside of home (I am trying a work at home position that hasn't proved profitable) I would just be working topay a babysitter.

[Born Conservative]

[american colleen]

My mom returned to work when I was about 11 years old. My sister was three years older. Our house soon became the neighborhood party house from 3- 6 PM every weekday.

LOL! Same with us - my parents were divorced and my dad raised us... party house after school (when we weren't skipping that is - I wrote the absence notes myself) sometimes there were days when we didn't even know some of the kids who were over. It was by the grace of God that we made it into adulthood in one piece.

One of our jobs as parents is to not put our kids into compromising situations. My parents failed miserably in that.

So.... I work nights and my husband works days. It isn't easy but I know firsthand how important it is for kids to have parents home when they come home from school. 'Sides, what do you do for school vacations, holidays and summers? You can't put them in camps or have babysitters forever and we know the trouble they can get into while unsupervised. One of the saddest things I see is when a friend calls me and has me pick up her sick child from school... they want their moms but instead they have to stay on my sofa for the day. I try to be as loving as their mom would be, but the fact is, they want their own mom and not someone else's.

Let's face it though... today it isn't easy to get by on one income and it is difficult for a woman to give up a career she may have spent years being educated for.

[sharktrager]

I was a latchkey kid from the age of 5 on.

Trust me, it is not something that is good for kids.

[thoughtomator]

You won't start to really notice the effects until she's about 14 or 15. How do I know? Happened to me. Parental abandonment was devastating to me on many levels, and it wasn't until a few years ago that I really understood how much I missed out on - I blamed myself for all the things everyone else seemed to know but I didn't, that I now realize are the artifacts of having effectively zero parental guidance/supervision as a child.

On the bright side, it probably won't be nearly as bad if you and your husband stay together until her adulthood.