Posted on 11/05/2004 4:20:50 PM PST by bourbon
MY MODEST PROPOSAL: THE U.S.A.R. By C. B. Shapiro I feel bad for the Red States.
Yes, they won the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court and most of the state houses. But they still can't have the country they really want because the last few Blue States won't roll over. So I am making a simple proposal:
Secession. Divorce. Splitsville.
Personally, I think we made a huge mistake not letting them go when we had the chance back in 1862. Well, no time like the present to correct an old mistake.
Then, they would finally be free to have the kind of society they've always wanted; church and state can be fused so they build the kind of theocracy they've dreamt of, with Jesus at the helm. Then the new USAR (United States of America Red) can ban books, repeal civil rights, persecute gays and have all the wars they like. They want prayer in schools? More power to them. They can ban abortion and post the Ten Commandments in every federal building in their country. Bring back slavery, if they want. We'll be free to live with our like-minded countrymen who believe in science, modernism, tolerance, religion as a personal choice, and truly want limited government intrusion in our personal lives. Why should each side be driven mad by the other any more, decade after decade?
Call the Culture War a tie and everyone go home.
Of course, we in the U.S.A.B. get the Gross Domestic Product, businesses and universities of California, New York, Massachussetts -- basically the whole Northeast and Northwest (plus Illinois and Michigan if they want to come along). They get Wal-Mart and Duke and most of the Nascar tracks. But they can feel free to import movies, TV shows, financial services, and defense technology. We'll import country music, bibles and Confederate flags.
The two countries will by necessity have open immigration policy: anyone who feels they are living in the wrong country can just move across the border, no questions asked.
Ultimately, why should I have to convince my fellow countrymen that Darwin may have had a point and that the word “liberal” is not equivalent to “godless communist?” And why should they be forced to live in a country with morally corrupt non-believers? I'll stay in the messy, free-thinking U.S.A.B. And to the U.S.A.R. I say…
God bless you all, and see you at the U.N
Now, I realize this piece is supposed to be satirical, but let me take this occasion to ask: "Just who is being 'divisive' again?"
"See you at the UN?"
Who??? ME?!
I don't think so bucky!
I say that we arrange with Canada for all of their conservatives to move here and all our liberals could move to Canada.
1. Purchase a ticket from the international airport nearest you to Paris.
2. Apply for political asylum (or insane asylum. They are both about the same in France.)
3. Find a place to live in France.
4. If you need to do so, find a job in France.
5. Present yourself at the U.S. embassy in Paris and renounce your U.S. citizenship.
Problem solved for us and for you.
GREAT IDEA.
No...trade the PacNW to Canada in exchange for Alberta--Alberta has more oil reserves that Saudi.
Now why do I find that highly unlikely?
Loony and misinformed. (not you, the author) The GDP of the blue states only made up about 53% of the total in 2002.
Plus, if we divide anything, we're doing it by county.
That would work too.
But where will the USAB get it's food? Ya can't eat entertainment or the arts.
January 1861, actually. Idiots (and they are idiots) that don't learn from history are bound to repeat it.
Hey we could do like the South Africans did and set up little liberal enclaves like they used to do with the black homelands.
Irony ping.
"Of course, we in the U.S.A.B. get the Gross Domestic Product, businesses... But they can feel free to import movies, TV shows, financial services, and defense technology. We'll import country music, bibles and Confederate flags."
That is one funny-but-sad example of the contradiction that is liberalism. It was obviously written by a knothead who not only can't comprehend why it is riddles with contradictions, but doesn't even have a clue as to where he himself stands.
And they wonder why that can't win elections.
You will also plan to import Natural Gas and Crude Oil.
You beat me to it.
Of course the idiotic writer also fails to realize that Ohio, Indiana, and Iowa (as well as some of Missouri) were key players FOR the North in the "War of Secession".
Of course, we all know, that History is NOT a required subject for the liberals.
I guess this would work except they would be sneaking across the border to eat our big juicy steaks and potatoes. They would have to ride their bicycles to do so since we would have most of the oil wells. They might have to invite criminals in to live with them because they wouldn't have enough jails to house them and no guns to use as a deterent against them. Oh yes, I believe this is an enlightened idea!
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