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Link me to a speech where Bill Clinton ever said anything like this:

Just before I came in here today, a reporter asked me why I am a Republican. I said, "Did you see the Democratic presidential debate? There are 9 good reasons right there."

or this:

I heard Humphrey saying things that sounded like socialism, which is what I had just left. I heard Nixon talking about free enterprise, getting the government off your back, lowering taxes and strengthening the military.

Listening to Nixon, I said to my friend, "What party is he?"

My friend said, "He's a Republican."

And I said, "Then I am a Republican!"

Or this:

"I have been a Republican ever since. I handed out leaflets for Republicans. I went door-to-door for Republicans. I couldn't wait to become a citizen so I could vote Republican. I gave money to Republicans. And now I am running for governor as a Republican."

Otherwise I will have to assume that you are just a wee bit hysterical.