Replies

This was just too funny, so I had to post it.

A friend of mine is Wiccan, and thought that I would get a kick out of it. I thought that you guys would too.

All of you christians, please do not get offended, it's a joke, OK?

Too good to pass up

So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well
meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle
aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...she takes my arm
and with trembling voice, she asks, "Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes
plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now, normally I just politely decline the sermon and free religious
paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But,
unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last
9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong
with these people. I mean if it's not Christians, it's the Jehovah's
Witnesses. Can a simple Druid get no peace?

So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic, I reply, "You
people lost him, again??"

The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for
and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch
into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the
concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let
her get going so I launch into a speech of my own.

"What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've
lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean really..." I
take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a
deity that you can't even find!"

The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked she
looks desperately to the car...surely one of the men can help.
Undaunted I press on... "Maybe the problem is with you people. I mean
Muslims never seem to lose their deity. Come to think of it, neither
do Jews or Pagans of any kind."

I look at the man getting out of the car. He's all smiles. "I realize
you people used to burn people like me at the stake. What was that
about...deity even? I may be a Pagan-heathen, but I have never ever
woke up panicked that I couldn't find my Goddess or God. They are
always right where they should be... In the fire of my candle, in the
air that I breath, in the earth that I stand on, in the water of my
spring. I never feel abandoned by my deity(ies).

"Of course, you Christians aren't much fun," I continue. By now they
are all out of the car. Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words.
"Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing
Jesus. "He could have left due to religious differences. If I remember
correctly, He was Jewish. So if you're really so eager to find him,"
I smile gently to soften the blow, "check the nearest synagogue. He's
probably in there. Also, you folks should try and remember that this
is America...where freedom of religion means ALL religions."

Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away.

I stand at the bus stop... No pamphlets, no bible, no dogma. I haven't
found Jesus, but I haven't lost him either. :)

Many, many moons ago, when I was working my way through college as a busboy, I worked in a restaurant in Pensacola. The local Bible college used to send its students out to preach from street corners as part of their graduate requirements. One day, one of the waitresses who worked at the restaurant (and with whom I graduated high school) came to work crying. Seems that one of the corner preachers had latched onto her being blonde and driving a red convertible and had told her she was doomed to Hell.

That was what really clinched it for me. Fundamentalists are like the salesman in The Music Man. The create a problem -- "You are doomed to Hell!" -- then they offer their solution. They are not like Christ in this regard. He taught love and forgiveness. He gave people hope. They teach death and destruction and drive people to despair. Their's is a dark view of God and the afterlife, and the only people they attract are those that can be frightened into following their particular brand of religion.