Posted on 09/14/2002 9:01:38 PM PDT by Big Guy and Rusty 99
Hey All,
I need all the bad jokes you can think of . . . I am being forced to do 5 minutes or so standup on the radio show I work on. (She says she doesn't want me to do it anymore, but I have a feeling she'll spring it on me again.)I want to bomb badly. It's an Andy Kaufman thing.
Thanks,
BG & R 99
why did he say ouch?
because he walked into the bar.
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen.
What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene.
What do you call a Mexican girl with no legs?
Consuelo.
What does a girl from South Philly put behind her ears to make herself look sexy?
Her heels.
What has four arms, four legs, and eleven teeth?
Two girls from Kensington.
How do you stop a Kennedy from drinking?
Slam the toilet seat on his head.
What you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Not too bright and easy to spread.
Best I could do....I can guffaw quite well but can hardly ever remember a joke while some folks I know have hundreds permanently etched in their grey matter.
A Chinese guy goes to the cash exchange counter in Hong Kong, manned by an Englishman. He brings 10,000 won (currency).
"How much change for dollars?"
"Well, my good man, I can give you 100 dollars for that."
"OK."
He comes back the next week with the same amount.
"Well, chap, I can give you 110 dollars for that."
"OK, good."
He returns the following week with the same amount.
The brit says: "I can give you 90 dollars for that, sir."
"What? What you mean? I come one week, you give me 100. I come again, you give me 110. Now you only give me 90?"
"It's fluctuations, my dear sir," says the Englishman.
"Fluctuations!?", the Chinese man shouts angrily. "Fluctuations?! Well Fluck you British!!!"
BWAAAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAA!!!!!!
Three trappers were in Indian country, and committed some horrible crime. They were captured and brought before the Indian chief. The chief says to the three trappers, "You men guilty of terrible deed, and for this you all must die. But me grant you the wish of determining how you die."He points to the first man and asks, "You! How you die?"
The first man answers, "I'll use a gun." So they hand him a gun, and he points it to his own head and pulls the trigger, and ka-blam! he collapses. The chief was very impressed, and says, "That man very brave. Me make canoe out of his hide in his honor!"
Then he points to the second man, and asks, "You! How you die?"
The second man answers, "I'll use a knife!" So they hand him a knife and he runs its blade across his own throat and collapses. The chief says, "That man even braver than the first! Me make canoe out of his hide, instead!"
Then he points to the third man, and asks, "You! How you die?"
The third man answers, "I'll use a fork!" The chief responds, "Hmmm. Fork is strange request, but okay." And so they hand him a fork. He takes it and as he pounds his chest with it many times he yells, "No one's gonna make a canoe out of my hide!"
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