I NEED YOUR BAD JOKES!

none ^ | now | me

[Big Guy and Rusty 99]

Hey All,

I need all the bad jokes you can think of . . . I am being forced to do 5 minutes or so standup on the radio show I work on. (She says she doesn't want me to do it anymore, but I have a feeling she'll spring it on me again.)I want to bomb badly. It's an Andy Kaufman thing.

Thanks,

BG & R 99

[John Lenin]

This is too funny and it's for Real. Some greenie just posted this on yahoo messsage boards.

They are now cutting what ever they want any way they want to right now. Know where the trees go to? To Taiwan to make toilet paper for foriegn companies

[capitan_refugio]

Reminds me of the one about the cannibal who passed his mother-in-law in the jungle.

[capitan_refugio]

A woman goes into see her doctor. The doctor asks, "What's the problem?"

The woman replies, "This is very embarassing, Doctor, but I have a flatulence problem. I fart all the time. In fact, since you've been here in the room, I have farted at least twenty times. But fortunately, they are silent and odorless."

"I see," said the doctor, "I have just the thing for you. Take these pills twice a day for two weeks and come back for a return visit."

Two weeks later the woman returns for her appointment. She says to the doctor, "I don't know what you gave me, but those pills made things worse! Now my farts stink to high heaven!!"

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we have solved your sinus problem, we're going to work on your hearing."

[MeekOneGOP]

Classics, Max.....

[nonliberal]

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?

It's rated ARRR.

[nonliberal]

What do you call a muslim with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

[nonliberal]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and yells "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

[Axenolith]

I S**t you not, I got this off a Yahoo Profile a few weeks ago...

Hobbies: Environmental concerns, helping children and abused women, attending the Synagogue, democratic causes, animal rights, saving the rain forest, saving the whales.

Latest News: I just bought an SUV.

[nonliberal]

I am going to Hell for this one...

What has a million legs and still can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

[nonliberal]

I heard a different version. Jesus gets pelted in the head with a rock and yells "Mom, knock it off."

[nonliberal]

They had to postpone the leper baseball game because someone dropped a ball in right field.

[nonliberal]

There was a young man from Alcasse;
Who had balls made out of brass;
When they clanged together;
They played "Stormy Weather;"
And lightning shot out of his @$$.

[PaulJ]

Which reminds me of this one:

A guy goes to his doctor complaining he can't hear out of his right ear. The doctor looks in his ear and says, "No wonder you can't hear! You have a suppository stuck in your ear. "
To which the guy replies, "Well, I guess that explains where my hearing aid went."

[PaulJ]

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia?
He's stay up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

[PaulJ]

Q: What's the difference between a light sleeper & a hard sleeper?

A: A light sleeper sleeps with a light on.

[da_toolman]

So, as a hole, what do you think of the rectum?

[phasma proeliator]

I think it's best when there aren't little white worms crawling out of it.

[Bat_Chemist]

I read through the first 100 and didn't see this one.

Did you hear about the two Irish homosexuals? Henry Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzhenry.

[Big Guy and Rusty 99]

he's no fun, he fell right over.

[Big Guy and Rusty 99]

A man visits the doctor and complains: "Doctor, it hurts when I jump up and down."

The Doctor replies: "Well, stop doing it."