What if Japan never attacked Pearl Harbor? (satire)

The What-if Digest ^ | 8-24-06 | Joe Moody

[guinness4strength]

WASHINGTON - The Pentagon today announced it selected Mitsubishi over Boeing to build it's new fleet of hyper-modern amphibious fighter-jets.

Up to 1000 "AU-60 Shogun Jets" are scheduled for completion in the next 2 years, capable of launching an air assault and then soaring into the depths of the ocean like a submarine, safe from enemy fire.

Japan's Imperial Palace also placed an order for 500 of the next-generation fighter-jets.

"It's another example of how Japan quietly maintains a powerful military," said Dr. Hubert Wirehanger, an Asian-studies professor at Loyola University.

Wirehanger traces the rise of the Japanese military machine to their neutrality during World War II. "While the western world nearly obliterated itself, Japan quietly watched and waited. Some inside the Imperial Palace wanted to further establish their Pacific dominance, but they held back," Wirehanger said.

"Just think if Japan would've done something foolish in the early 1940s. Let's say, for example, they bombed America's Pacific fleet, like Pearl Harbor. Well quite a fight would've followed. A war that could've dragged Japan down for years. America was ready and willing to fight, look at what we did to Nazi Germany."

Wirehanger said America did take too long to help the Allies against Hitler. "But once we got started in 1942, we didn't let up. Today Germany is still in shock and weary of anything military. The same could've happened to Japan. Instead, their patience paid off."

Imperial Japan continues to be a world leader in military technology.

"When the first Sony Nuke-Man came out in the 1980s, it changed modern warfare," said retired U.S. Army General Ray Gridiron.

"Suddenly every soldier could be equipped with a personal nuclear weapon, capable of detonating immediately for kamikaze-type attacks, or timed to explode up to 4 weeks later. To top it off, the damn thing played cassette tapes too, keeping the soldier's morale high. 'Eye of the Tiger' from Rocky III was a favorite," said Gridiron.

Today's Nuke-mans play MP3s, making them even smaller than their cassette-playing predecessor.

Another Japanese invention that changed the face of war was Honda's Portable Force-Field. "What the hell do you do when your opponent has an invisible shield around him?" Gridiron questioned.

Other innovations include Nissan's X-Terra-Tank, capable of scaling steep mountains and delivering rocket-propelled grenades from the roof-rack. "With the plush bucket-seating and six-speaker stereo, it keeps the troops motivated on the field."

It's no wonder America became one of Japan's biggest military customers. "Yeah, Americans invented a lot of the stuff, but Japanese companies figure out a way to make it smaller, more personalized, and loaded with great features," said Gridiron.

Toyota's new battalion of android robots are no exception. "They can fight on the battlefield, police the streets, or go fetch a plate of Sushi from the fridge," Gridiron said.

"Oh, and this one's a hoot," said Gridiron as he took a small device from his pocket. He holds it up to his chest, a screen on the device reveals a gun hidden beneath his jacket. "It's a portable x-ray mechanism, perfect for screening freshly captured soldiers. And when you get bored, it can download DVDs," he said as he pressed play to start an episode from Season 2 of Desperate Housewives.

Standard What-If disclaimer: The preceding is pure fiction.

[guinness4strength]

enjoy

[SirJohnBarleycorn]

Refraining from attacking Pearl Harbor would have made the Japanese "neutral"?

The Japanese were already in the war years before Pearl Harbor. The Rape of Nanking was 1937-38. The Japanese invaded and occupied Viet Nam before Pearl Harbor.

[isthisnickcool]

What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the going gets tough . . . the tough get going. Who's with me? Let's Go! Come on! AAAAEEEEEGGGHHHH

[guinness4strength]

The "neutral" position appears to be in reference to America and the European theatre, not what attrocities Japan was committing in Asia

[SirJohnBarleycorn]

The other historical ignorance displayed by the writer is the premise that Japan was an innovator in military technology.

All of Japan's military technology in WWII was a knockoff of western technology. Their weapons generally were very basic and not especially well-made (except for their naval warships).

[guinness4strength]

Actually, if you read more carefully, the satire clearly points out:

"Yeah, Americans invented a lot of the stuff, but Japanese companies figure out a way to make it smaller, more personalized, and loaded with great features," said Gridiron.

[GAB-1955]

However, Japan was the innovator in quality assurance after the war, and it shows in the terms even American companies use, such as "kaizen" and "poka-yoke."

[brityank]

... Japan was the innovator in quality assurance after the war, taught by Dr. W Edwards Deming. ^

[mhking]

Comrade Superman wouldn't like that very much....

[A message]

[GAB-1955]

Yes, Deming taught it. The U.S. companies didn't listen. Japan did. Ford didn't adapt standard quality assurance until 1970. The result? Japanese companies took a large share of the world's car markets.

Furthermore, the Japanese took the concept Deming initially taught and expanded it and refined it. As I noted, Japanese companies introduced the concept of kaizen teams to work on quick process improvement, or poka-yoke, which is designing things to make them mistake-proof. Americans added "lean" design. Both nations innovated "just-in-time."

For a smaller economy to succeed, it must learn to specialize. Japan in the 1950s and 1960s was going for the main chance and exploiting the mistakes other Western economies made, such as the U.S. auto industry's insistence on planned obsolescence and Switzerland's disinterest in quartz watches. They are still leaders in cars and robotics.

The U.S. leads in aerospace among other industries, and needs to make sure its workforce can learn these techniques.