Isn't that like Harry Met Sally?
Can men and women really be friends or does Sex always get in the way?
Sex always gets in the way. ;o)
I think the difference in my situation is that I have mutual hobbies with these guys. We have stuff to do together - with our clothes on.
Plus - ALL of their wives know me.
AND I don't hide my friendship with them.
No guilt - no hiding.
I have seen many relationships in my time, and my conclusion (subject to change) is that unusually close male-female relationships that are nonsexual don't work very well.
One exception is when the people have known each other since early childhood and their relationship is more like siblings.
Invariably, I find that at least one of the two parties ends up desiring more from the relationship (as in romance) as time goes on. As a practical matter, if it's the male who grows to want more from the relationship, very often that romance will not blossom. If it's the female who grows to want more, all she pretty much has to do is make herself open and available to it and the guy will tend to follow her lead (and will bite if he is anywhere from indifferent to anxious for sex, depending on a lot of factors).
Anyway, unusually close different-sex relationships are probably more trouble than they are worth, regardless of whether they are each single, dating someone else, or are married to someone else. I have never seen one really work out as well as close same-sex relationships.
I have a moderately close relationship with an attractive female, for example, and it's been mutually frustrating for almost the entire decade we have known each other. Whenever I grew more attracted to her, she wouldn't be interested. Whenever she was more attracted to me, I'd be preoccupied with someone or something else in my life and not bite. The more time I spent away from her (and her from me) the more appealing we appeared to each other. The more time we spent closer, the less interested one or the other grows. No joke, we have been doing this dosey-do for a decade now.
An older person who knew neither of us very well saw us particularly contentious with each other at a social event (as often sexually uncultivated people can be) and casually asked someone 'how long have they been married?' When she was alerted that not only were we not married, but never even dated and were 'just friends' for many years, she laughed and suggested we both just get a room and work things out.
Old timers can be very wise, you know? :-)
PS - I now date another woman entirely and this 'friend' can't stand her, even though my companion has been very nice to her the few times they have met. Go figure...
As God is my witness,
one of my closest friends is male and he's been my buddy since first grade.
We were the two 'brainy geeks' in our class. Yeah, there was a smidge (just a smidge) of sexual tension in our teens. But he married the girl next door (literally) inviting me and just one other person to their wedding 21 years ago.
Every time they are in town, they drop by. And I've even been invited to his family events. It's strange to some, but really, he's my bud!
Men and women can actually be friends with absolutely no sexual tension.
"Can men and women really be friends or does Sex always get in the way?"
Great thread- really got me thinking. In my case, sex did not get in the way because we got it out of the way. ;)
My best friend for the past 20 years is a woman- we have both
been married in that time (me once, her twice) and always remained very close. Our relationship started in dating mode, and evolved to platonic for the last 18 years. We trust each other and have never hid our friendship from our spouses.
I suppose the reason it has endured is that we got the lust part out of the way (when we were both single, and there was nothing to hide) and now value the non-sexual aspects of our friendship.
Yes, men and women can be just friends. I worked in a male dominated field for years and had many male friends..... never had an incident that crossed the line....never even thought about it! Almost all of them were married, as was I, and our spouses were friendly, though not as close.
That was in my younger days. I don't know if that would be possible today.