Quite frankly, I don't give a rat's behind what they think. I am paid to make sure they have the training and resourses they need to do their job.
My wife's comment is based on her observation as a spouse involved in the unit, not any over-developed sense of self-worth on my part.
i agree with your philosophy about leadership. It's not about the troops loving you; it's about getting them to follow you. I was an Army officer once, a long time ago.