Say what you will about batting .500 with regard to good Churches/Priests, but the very fact that you are willing to go to the Church closest to the hotel says you are playing with much lower standards than the traditionalists you are apt to poke fun at.
My last several experiences with the Novus Ordo nearly gave me ulcers [not an exaggeration]. The aging hipster priests (or Bishop in one case), the scantily clad ladies in the pews [the clothes worn by one busty lass in particular would have been too small for a 6 year old], the people sitting around me laughing and joking [especially when I actually knelt down after communion, then the jokes were directed my way], the endless procession of people in and out of the sanctuary for their various "ministries", the small army of extraordinary ministers [many of whom I know personally to stand in direct contradiction to the teaches of the Catholic Church], the guitar bands in front of the horribly designed "worship spaces", the ad libbing by the "presider", being told that a "hug or kiss would be more appropriate" during the horrendous "handshake of peace mini-marathon" while God Himself sits on the altar, having people touch me anyway when I decide to kneel down and pray instead of participating in that madness, and the list could go on (especially during the funeral that I attended). I honestly at this point do not even know if I will attend even weddings and funerals in the novus ordo any more. It disturbs me greatly.
1) I said I was "batting .500" in mahoneyville, which was quite surprising to me. I expected worse. However, even in the worst cesspit dioceses, one can find pockets of decency. The record in other dioceses is far better. Which brings us to
2) I don't for a moment doubt that the familiar litany of horrors you recite actually happens in some places. I've seen and heard it first hand. I can also appreciate the horror of being stuck in such a parish. BTDT. But getting a job that requires "some travel" has shown me that while the horrors are far mor common than they should be (they shouldn't exist at all), they don't approach the near universality that traditionalist literature and discussion seem to suggest.
3) My standards are quite simple: I expect that the Mass shall be offered respectfully, reverently, correctly, and completely. I expect that the priest or deacon shall deliver a sermon which is orthodox and well prepared. I expect that the music shall offer praise or thanksgiving to God, and shall not expound heresy. I make no demands on aesthetics or artistic style, though if their tastes should be congruent with mine that's a bonus.