1) I said I was "batting .500" in mahoneyville, which was quite surprising to me. I expected worse. However, even in the worst cesspit dioceses, one can find pockets of decency. The record in other dioceses is far better. Which brings us to
2) I don't for a moment doubt that the familiar litany of horrors you recite actually happens in some places. I've seen and heard it first hand. I can also appreciate the horror of being stuck in such a parish. BTDT. But getting a job that requires "some travel" has shown me that while the horrors are far mor common than they should be (they shouldn't exist at all), they don't approach the near universality that traditionalist literature and discussion seem to suggest.
3) My standards are quite simple: I expect that the Mass shall be offered respectfully, reverently, correctly, and completely. I expect that the priest or deacon shall deliver a sermon which is orthodox and well prepared. I expect that the music shall offer praise or thanksgiving to God, and shall not expound heresy. I make no demands on aesthetics or artistic style, though if their tastes should be congruent with mine that's a bonus.
Of course, to finish your description, you would add "and lifts the minds and the hearts of the Faithful to God."
That takes out a lot of OCP and Jebbie garbage, wholesale.