Humor (General/Chat)
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Senior wedding Steve, age 92, and Sally age 89, living in Estero, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Steve suggests they go in. Steve addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Steve: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Steve: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Steve: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Steve: "How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?" Pharmacist: "You bet!"...
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Donald Trump spending a day in the shoes of his employees at Trump Tower Chicago. Aired on the Oprah Winfrey show, 2011
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Then a few days later, the family received a $132,000 claim from the city of Overland Park’s insurance company, saying that the piece had been damaged beyond repair. “No one would ever to expect that to come into a place that kids are invited and have to worry about a $132,000 dollar piece of art falling on their child,” Goodman said. “Because he didn’t maliciously break that. It fell on him. It was not secure, it was not safe -- at all.
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One of man's most wretched creations gets its karmic comeuppance. Using a port-a-potty is about as enjoyable as brushing your teeth with gravel. Half outhouse, half torture chamber, the rudimentary bathroom option is usually weirdly hot, emits a revolting smell, and induces claustrophobia. Port-a-potties have also provided the setting for one too many horror stories. We all know this, and yet we're still forcing human beings to use the plastic poop prisons in various public places. They are, if nothing else, unnecessarily vile creations, which is why watching some get swept away in a wind storm is both terrifying and...
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Blakes 7 was a wonderful British TV show, filled with excellent actors, that ran on BBC from 1978 to 1981. Sort of Robin Hood meets Star Trek, with their emblem being the Star Fleet emblem, turned askew. A band of outcasts led by a revolutionary leader take on an entire corrupt Federation. Hmmm.
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Police receive many calls for assistance, but this one was quite unusual. Douglas Kelly, 49, from Hawthorne, Florida, called the Putnam County Sheriff's Office on Tuesday, police said, asking them to test the drugs he bought a week earlier because he wanted to press charges against the person who sold them to him. Kelly's public defender did not immediately respond to a request for comment. Police said Kelly told them he had a bad reaction after he smoked what he believed to be meth and thought he was sold another illegal substance. "In an effort to ensure the quality of...
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BILLUND, DENMARK—Lego has just introduced new and improved interlocking plastic bricks that will instantly kill you when you step on them, sources at the company’s headquarters confirmed Thursday. The sharper edges in the new design will just immediately put you out of your misery, so you don’t have to roll around on the ground in excruciating pain for minutes on end. Utilizing advanced laser-driven techniques, Lego factories can now hone the edges of the famously sharp and painful bricks to such a fine point that the human nervous system instantly shuts down upon coming into contact with them. “Our engineers...
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WORLD—North Korean President Kim Jong Un came under intense scrutiny this week after meeting with a barbaric nation that has killed over 60 million of its young since legalizing abortion in 1973. Political commentators agreed that by meeting with the nation of savages that abort hundreds of thousands of their young each and every year, Kim Jong Un appeared to be legitimizing the backwards, depraved nation of America. “Just picture Kim Jong Un up there shaking hands with Hilter,” one pundit said. “That’s basically what this amounts to, when you consider that he’s meeting with a country that his killed...
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How long before mad Maxine, and the other race baiters lay claim that black employment was 100% under Democrat rule? Just a thought. Go Trump, MAGA!
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VATICAN CITY—In an honest, impromptu homily delivered Monday, Pope Francis admitted he is just making most of his theology up as he goes, ignoring thousands of years of official Church doctrine in favor of “whatever pops into my head at the time.” Where past Popes have been careful in their attempts to stay in line with official Catholic teaching, Pope Francis confessed he doesn’t really know much official doctrine, stating that he’s more of a “shoot from the hip kind of guy” when it comes to weighty topics of morality, salvation, God, and eternity. “People ask me questions, and I’m...
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"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern." ~ Craig Kilborn "In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." ~ Jay Leno "In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air.'" No, I'm...
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Whatever teen anti-gun celebrity David Hogg learned in high school, it apparently wasn’t the English language. It’s that, or he actually wants to increase the number of gun deaths in inner-city communities. Either way, the poster boy for the gun-grabbing left is showing all the world just how confused and ignorant he really is. In recent a Twitter exchange with a conservative commentator, Hogg let his ignorance slip with a colossally nonsensical argument for the left’s favorite economic policy: Raising the minimum wage.
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CANADAIN FOOTBALL LEAGUE WEEK 1 and JOHNNY FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!
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Robert Mueller Asks Judge To Hide Russian Election Evidence From The Russians Godfrey Daniel! You've GOT to be kidding me. Do I smell a Hollywood comedy coming up after this is all over? "Dumb & Dumber" meets "Zero Dark Thirty"? The characters are a bumbling crusty-but-benign FBI agent who's always getting heat from his incompetent AG; an ugly female desk jockey who sends love twitters to our hero; an accident prone IT technician who is computer illiterate; an aging weed-smoking, ex-hippie detective who sees Russians everywhere (even in his sleep); and a clueless, sex-crazed blonde bimbo TV anchor who can't...
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U.S.—A recent survey performed by CCLI confirmed that AC/DC’s hard rock classic “Highway to Hell” is more theologically accurate than 96% of the songs that most worship bands play on any given Sunday. The study examined over 800 songs and compared their theology to the Scriptures, and found that the Australian rock group’s 1979 classic was “significantly more accurate” than over 96% of them. “While modern worship songs tend to contain little theology, an anemic view of sin, and a poor understanding of the work of the Holy Spirit, ‘Highway to Hell’ has a very biblical view of the doctrine...
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Men vs. Women... Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!” ****** A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’" Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!” ****** Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – darling, honey, luv. What’s the secret?" Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her." ****** Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand,...
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