Free Republic

Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look. I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it. When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have...

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE... WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me ....

Subject: EXPERT TESTIMONY FROM SCIENTISTs The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from the Consulate at Bergen, Norway. Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard of temperatures in the Arctic zone. Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes. Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the gulf stream still very warm. Great...

Today I was in a store named “Sunglasses Only”. A young lady walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today?” I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond. I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it. When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company! Employment application blanks...

The Darwin Award Here is the glorious winner: When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.  He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. The honorable mentions: The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping round, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He...

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa-bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But hey I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.   Now .... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.  So I said to my wife "it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."...

A federal grand jury in Washington has approved the first criminal charges in the special counsel’s investigation into Russian election interference, two sources told NBC News, marking a significant milestone in an inquiry that has roiled Donald Trump’s presidency. Mueller's Office of the Special Counsel will make public an indictment on Monday, a U.S. official with firsthand knowledge of the process confirmed to NBC News, without disclosing the name of the target or the nature of the charges. The timing was confirmed by a second source familiar with the matter.

A comparison of President Obama's State of the Union speeches.

There is much speculation about whether or not Sarah Palin will enter the 2012 GOP presidential race. Those who admire and respect her believe she wields a tremendous amount of power with regard to the choice of the candidate who will eventually end up facing Barack Obama in what can only be the most important election of our lifetime. But that candidate should not be Palin. And the reason is blatantly obvious. She can't win. It has nothing to do with any lack of political gravitas. Despite how her critics and detractors have attempted to portray her, Palin is intelligent,...

Obama Speech to Hit on Familiar Themes By David M. Drucker Roll Call Staff Sept. 3, 2009, 4:10 p.m. When President Barack Obama addresses a joint session of Congress on Wednesday, he will try to resuscitate a health care reform effort that’s been badly bruised and battered over the August recess. But according to talking points being circulated in the Senate by the White House in advance of Obama’s prime-time speech, at least some of the president’s message will remain the same: Obama will frame the health care debate as one that pits those who want to improve the system...

WASHINGTON — President Obama told doctors and insurers on Monday that revamping health care would “lay a new foundation for our economy.” He told graduating college students on Wednesday that “we need to build a new foundation.” He told consumers on Thursday that protecting them was vital “to the new foundation we seek to build.”

Those war drums have a familiar beat Cheney's tough talk on Iran and an updated report on security sound eerily like the run-up to Iraq invasion James Klurfeld March 17, 2006 To paraphrase Ronald Reagan in his 1980 debate with President Jimmy Carter: There they go again. In this case I'm referring to the Bush administration's just-released update of its National Security Strategy statement. In it, the administration reaffirms its belief in war to stop a nation from acquiring nuclear weapons. The review gives almost no indication that the administration has learned anything from the debacle that has resulted from...

It's party time―again. It's time for all the good, little, right-wing boys and girls of the OC, Inland Empire, and Central Valley to strut their stuff at the California Republican Party convention―again. Seriously, how many of these things do these guys have every year? Still, this one ought to be interesting. The PPIC poll out today shows Schwarzenegger has failed to gain traction with the public, despite his infrastructure bond marketing tour. In fact, Arnold's approval rating has tumbled down to 35 percent among all adults, dropping five points since January. Arnold was hemorrhaging support from the left and the...

SACRAMENTO – One year after taking office, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has cut taxes, avoided a state cash crisis, improved the business climate and is riding high in the polls. But his bid to become perhaps the biggest reform governor since Hiram Johnson, who nearly a century ago led the drive that allows Californians to vote on laws through the initiative process, has stalled in some cases and not yet begun in others. When the Legislature returns in January, Schwarzenegger will again face an issue that led to the ouster of his predecessor, Gray Davis, in a historic recall election last...

<p>The question was simple: "How are you going to end (California's) financial mess?" asked the pleasant- faced woman in an Arnold Schwarzenegger television campaign ad.</p> <p>"Here's my plan," the governor replied, his blue shirt and tie giving him a businesslike air. "Audit everything, open the books, and then we end the crazy deficit spending. It really comes down to this: If you're happy with the way things are, keep your current leaders. If you want to change this state, then join me."</p>

<p>Kathie Schwartz, 52, of San Jose, holds a peace sign at Cesar Chavez Plaza. Seveal weeks ago people marched to the plaza to protest the impending war with Iraq.</p> <p>This is a lonely place to be as the nation marches off to war. Steeped in a pacifist counterculture and long considered a peculiar population unto itself, Bay Area residents find themselves chanting in the streets and Bush-bashing their way through cocktail parties, while America boots up for battle.</p>