Free Republic

To be fair, do you really expect a guy who screws around with young interns behind his wife’s back to have any concept of what marriage means?

Hey, humans do what humans do! So don’t bend over the Xerox machine while Dave’s around.

Absolutely boneheaded move on NBC’s part. Fallon’s audience is mostly stoned college students. He can occasionally be funny when he’s doing singing impressions, and not acting jittery and giggling at his own jokes. And he seems like a nice guy (he apologized and claimed he didn’t know about the insulting music cue for Michelle Bachmann; that was picked by the leader of his ridiculously overpraised band, the Roots). But I only see him when Craig Ferguson is in reruns because there’s no question of which one’s funnier. If he were an hour earlier, I’d only watch him if Kimmel and Conan were in reruns. And he’d be fourth choice if Fox or someone else snaps up Leno, which they would be idiots not to do.

Jimmy Fallon is no Johnny Carson. Carson started by hosting a daytime talk/game show and was so brilliant, he took over the Tonight Show, the realm of hosts like Steve Allen and Jack Paar.

Back in the golden age of TV, the network would’ve known where Fallon belongs: on daytime TV. He’s likeable without being overly talented, housewives think he’s adorable, and he likes to play silly games like Pictionary with celebrities and audience members and give away prizes to both the winners and losers. He’s the modern equivalent of Bob Barker or Art Linkletter, (host of “Houseparty,” which could also be the name of Fallon’s show). I would also say Bill Cullen, but he was much funnier than Jimmy Fallon.

For those too young to remember any of them, I’ll put it this way: Fallon is like a slightly more butch Ellen DeGeneres, or a slightly less butch Rosie O’Donnell. They all had some standup comedy background, but they’re not there because they’re comic geniuses, they’re there because they keep bored housewives from feeling lonely or going crazy when they’re alone with the kids all day.

I swear, as I was scrolling by, I glanced at this headline and thought it read, “Lindsay Lohan Found Guilty of Murder...” And I wasn’t even surprised.

I’m from Texas. I voted for Ted Cruz.

Mr. Bruni, your tears are sweet like candy to me.

To the rest of you: you’re welcome.

Gee, I wonder what will be different five years from now that could cause a big improvement for America?

Par for the course for her. Every show she’s on, the producers are personally out to get her. In his book about his time on “Saturday Night Live,” Jay Mohr describes how she wouldn’t work with the writers to come up with sketch ideas and compete to pitch them, like everyone else did. But when she didn’t get enough air time to suit her, she complained to the media about how the people on SNL were all sexists who didn’t want to put women on the air.

Oddly enough, immediately after she left, Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer all came on the show and became major players with a lot of air time, despite being female. Of course, they were all actually funny, which is probably the real issue.

Ours isn’t a video, it was a radio parody. It ran in Friday’s Mike Huckabee radio show. Not sure exactly where and when you can hear that particular show online, but I know they do archive the shows at his website eventually. I think the webmaster is going to add the bit to his website separately, but don’t know if it’s there yet.

He missed a couple of things: the Navy commissioned its first submarine in 1900 and its first aircraft carrier in 1922, but it was undoubtedly in the planning stages by 1917. So Obama was wrong on four out of four.

This is why I’ve always said that the key to Obama’s success is that he isn’t particularly intelligent, but he appears intelligent to stupid people. Hollywood celebrities think he’s a god for the same reason that your dog thinks you’re a god.

In his monologue Friday night, Jay Leno suggested a really cheap Halloween costume: “Just put on a “Reelect Obama” button and go as a journalist.”

Steven, hilarious video. My wife and I write for Mike Huckabee’s radio show, and we wrote and cut a parody of that, too, very early Friday morning and had it on Friday’s show. I think it’s going to be posted at http://www.mikehuckabee.com

In our version, the girl was pressured into yanking the lever of some charismatic guy she doesn’t really even know, but his friend Joe assured her he had a “big stick.” Afterward, she’s filled with disappointment and regret. She feels so stupid and used! He promised to take care of her forever, and now, she’s jobless, on food stamps and living with her parents while he’s got this new girl, Julia, and is taking care of her every need! That’s why it’s so important not to go into that little booth with the wrong guy, or you’ll just end up getting sc**wed.

Paying no attention to anything Bill Maher says has been my Old Rule for quite a while now.

That’s interesting, since according to all the polls showing Obama tied or ahead by a point or two, the turnout among Democrats is going to be 4 or 7 or even 11 points higher than among Republicans. If Republican turnout is actually 3 points higher than the Democrats’, that would seem to knock the pollsters’ math all higglety-pigglety. Why, it’s almost as if they were yanking voter turnout projections outst their bloomers!

You can see why he only does shows like this instead of facing informed interviewers. Nothing but one softball after another for Obama to pop out of the park as the studio audience cheered him. Obvious follow-up questions were all left unasked, outright lies and straw men were allowed to pass without notice. By the end, my wife and I were sick to our stomachs and yelling at the TV screen out of frustration. But among the uninformed booboisie, it probably picked up a few votes for the tinpot messiah.

Considering the beating that Las Vegas has taken under Obama, I can’t imagine why any Nevada voter would opt for four more years of this. Are they just assuming that no matter how the vote goes, the Teamsters will pull enough stuffed ballot boxes out of the trunks of Lincoln Continentals to win it for Obama?

Let me save everyone a lot of time and sum it up in far fewer words:

Same crap as the last four years - money thrown away on donors’ “green energy” schemes, temporary incentives that don’t really boost hiring, more stimulus spending using the money allegedly “saved” from ending wars he’s previously claimed were put on a credit card and never paid for, promises of deficit reductions that will NEVER actually occur, etc. etc. etc. — only with higher taxes on the rich.

It’s no wonder Obama is so popular with the Hollywood crowd because his administration is just like a bad movie: the first part sucked, and the sequel would be even worse.

This write-up recaps the debate sketch and also some of the lines that Seth Meyers had about the election campaign on “Weekend Update”: http://www.nbcchicago.com/entertainment/celebrity/NATL-SNL-and-Tom-Hanks-Tackle-Second-Presidential-Debate-175107621.html

I tried to post this comment and couldn’t get it to work, so I’ll just put it here:

As a longtime topical comedy writer myself (for national radio shows), I think it’s very telling of the mindset at SNL that when Obama was ahead in the polls, the jokes were about what a struggling loser Romney is; and now that Romney is ahead in the polls, the jokes are about how unreliable the polls are. Notice, too, that in the do’s and don’ts bits, the Romney jokes are put-downs of Romney (his smile is creepy, saving the Olympics wasn’t such a big deal), while the Obama jokes are putdowns of us (he’s so much smarter than us that he needs to talk down to us more, we’re too dumb to understand what Obamacare is). Yet if you suggest that they might be a teensy bit biased, I bet they’d deny it and probably actually believe it.

He’s right: after practicing against John Kerry, Obama was all set to debate Herman Munster, and then was shocked when Mitt Romney showed up.

I’m in north Grand Prairie, right on the southern border of Irving along I-30, and we didn’t feel a thing. Interesting that the enviros are already rushing to blame fracking and claming there have never been earth tremors in Dallas County before, even though there’s always been a faultline through North Irving/Las Colinas. Half the McMansions up there have chronic foundation problems because of it.

Had our McDonald’s coupons and headed off to the Fair today, figuring the rain would likely stop soon. The closer we got, the harder the rain fell. Finally, we said, “Forget it,” and went to the mall instead for shopping and a movie (”Looper.”) Six hours later, we leave the mall — and it’s STILL pouring down rain. Just as well we skipped the fair today, but a big disappointment nonetheless. And next weekend is Texas-OU Weekend, another good time to avoid.

Biggest disappointment about missing the fair today: the free concert at the Chevy Main Stage was Kevin Costner’s band, Modern West. I love singing celebrity bands. They always start out with a huge crowd, then you can gradually move closer and closer as people satisfy their curiosity and wander off to do something more entertaining, until around song #10, you can stand right up front. That was also my experience seeing Lisa Marie Presley at the Fair a few years back. Except with her, even I had to leave after five or six songs. She must’ve inherited her musical talent from Priscilla.

If someone with PhotoShop skills would change that poster to read “HOAX” instead of “HOPE,” I’d buy a copy.

My wife is a singer and recording artist (if you want to hear what real music sounds like, try this: http://tinyurl.com/8zcz67k ), so I’ve had to learn quite a bit about music licensing. Every time some narrow-minded leftist twit whines about people whose politics he disagrees with daring to play his music at a rally, I always make it a point to spread this fact far and wide:

If the song is licensed to ASCAP or BMI, and you purchase an ASCAP/BMI public performance license, which virtually every public venue has, you can play any song in the library as many times as you want for any audience. If the composer wanted to maintain control over that, he should’ve never let the song out of his bedroom and signed a contract to let the evil capitalist licensing company collect royalties and send him the dirty money of fans he disapproves of.

TV play is different, as is the use of a song in an ad, film, commercial, etc. But if Fox says they had the appropriate license, I believe it, because that’s SOP for TV stations. One reason ASCAP and BMI exist is so you can make blanket licensing deals and not have to track down every composer of every song you want to play to get permission.

In other words, Fox is right: all this is just a pathetic show for publicity and for Michael to reaffirm his leftwing moron bona fides to all his fellow travelers. Play all the REM you want at public performance venues, and if Michael Stipe doesn’t like it, he can go whistle up a rope.

My wife and I take in homeless, handicapped and abused exotic birds. We currently have 15, including two cockatoos (they aren’t very good talkers, BTW).

While this story seems funny on the surface, I would urge anyone who has a parrot to PLEASE DO NOT TEACH IT TO CURSE!

People think that’s so funny, but they don’t consider that parrots can live up to 80 years. Almost every long-lived parrot will end up needing to find a new owner at some point. Many people won’t take a bird that curses, even though the bird doesn’t know what it’s saying, it’s just repeating something it knows will get it some attention.

I have heard of people locking birds in dark closets and other punishments (which doesn’t work with parrot and is just animal cruelty) to try to make them stop cursing.

If you teach your parrot to curse, you are severely limiting its chances of finding a loving home in the future. To people like me who love parrots, it ain’t funny.

I love Clint and always go to his movies on opening weekend just to say “Up yours” to youth-worshipping Hollywood liberals. Clint’s new movie, “Trouble With The Curve,” comes out on Sept. 21st. If everyone who agrees that Obama’s gotta go joins me at the theaters, it will have a bigger debut weekend than Batman and scare the living bejeezus out of the Democrats, just like Chick-Fil-A Day.

Besides, you know it’s going to be a good movie. It’s Clint Eastwood!

People who believe that any signs of growth in the economy are the result of Obama’s policies are like spectators at a swimming pool, watching a strong swimmer who’s able to tread water even with a cement block around his neck and who give the cement block credit for keeping him afloat.

Here is a photo of three letters side-by-side. I couldn’t write my name in such an identical size and hand if I deliberately worked on it all night, yet we are to believe that he just ripped these out one after another, freehand:

http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2012/08/obama-honored-fallen-seals-by-sending-their-parents-a-form-letter-signed-by-electric-pen/letter-two/

Appropriately enough, inside each giant vagina is a giant douche.

Wish there was some way to tell that guy that just because he was such a crude jackass, I went to Mia’s Money Bomb site and donated $25 to her campaign. That is what his nastiness and hatred accomplished.

Anyone care to join me?
http://www.love4utah.com/

I write news for radio, and by sheer coincidence, I was reading some background on Crist just last week. It was for a story about Todd Akin on how the NRSC had backed other candidates instead of the conservative. The quote I found from a few years back was from John Cornyn, explaining why Crist was the best GOP choice for Senate and how Rubio would have other opportunities in the future. Thank God voters were smarter than that and gave Rubio his opportunity right then.

The same story mentioned that conservatives who disagreed with Cornyn said that if Crist were in the race, the Democrats wouldn’t even have to bother to field a candidate. And now, we see just how true that was.

I have that on DVD. I think it stars Charles Grodin as the dad. I have a feeling it would seem a lot better if you’d never seen “A Christmas Story.” It would be a pleasant, nostalgic little movie. But the comparison doomed it to the straight-to-DVD bin.

I was the record librarian for a major radio syndicator when this album came out, and I loved it. Still have my promo copy. I talked to the record rep quite a bit and did everything I could to get it airplay. Unfortunately, getting programmers to listen to new music was like pulling teeth. Even worse, now, of course, but I could spend hours telling you about great albums from the ‘70s and ‘80s that never saw the light of day on American radio.

If they keep this up, the handful might eventually grow to a fistful, and that will distract them enough to make them forget all about it.

Anyone else think it’s odd that the ad that ran before the video on Chick-Fil-A Appreciation day at the Christian Science Monitor site was for an NC-17 movie called “Killer Joe”? Or was that just me?

I quote this on all stories about SJP and her woeful lack of intelligence and self-awareness. Years ago, before she married Matthew Brodderick and had recently dated a Kennedy man - I think JFK Jr. - she did an interview with Playboy. She’d done the requisite liberal political kvetching, then she started in whining about how she and her girlfriends couldn’t find any guys who weren’t lying, cheating, immature, self-centered jerks. The interviewer asked if she’d ever consider dating a Republican. “Oh, God no!!”

Connect the dots, honey. Connect the dots...

Lovitz was one of the funniest people ever on SNL. We saw him at the Improv in Dallas a while back, and he was hilarious. I always liked him a lot more than Will Ferrell, whose humor mostly seems to rely on being really grating.

Sounds like the same thing my wife and I had. I got it first, and she got it a week later. It’s just vicious, but after more than three weeks, the fever, congestion and body aches have finally passed. However, we’re both still coughing our lungs out and have no energy at all. I waited it out, and she got prescription meds and steroids from a doctor, but there seems to be no difference in our healing rates. My sympathies to anybody who catches this bug. It’s one of the worst I’ve ever had.

To all the people harumphing, “Who cares? So a RINO gets traded for a Democrat! What difference does it make?”... I feel like Clark Gable in “Gone With The Wind,” ruining everyone’s “cigars and brandy and dreams of victory” by pointing out that it’s going to make a great deal of difference.

Just a few seats flipped would mean getting rid of Harry Reid, who is the living dam preventing anything the House passes from proceeding. Not every state is conservative enough to elect your perfect candidate. Maine is very liberal, but they kept reelecting someone who at least called herself a Republican. Like her or hate her, as long as her seat had an (R) next to it, she kept us one vote closer to a majority. Maybe you’re frustrated that that’s all you ever got out of her, but it was a damn site better than losing an (R), adding a (D), and giving Harry Reid a little more job security. And that’s almost a certainty now.

I would hold my nose and vote for anybody to get rid of Obama. But first, my brother, who is even more conservative than me and worked for the RNC for years (so he knows Romney and his people personally), told me he would leave the top line blank before he would vote for that snake Romney. Then last night, I was talking to a friend in Connecticut, and she said she hadn’t voted for a Democrat in 20 years, but if Romney was the nominee, she would protest by voting for Obama. And she can’t stand Obama! So where the heck is all this electability of Romney’s that I keep hearing about? I think it’s like Brer Rabbit and the briar patch: the White House is saying, “Oh please, don’t make us run against Mitt Romney! He’s the only Republican we can’t beat, so pleeeeeease don’t put him up against us!”

I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard that Bob Dole was attacking Newt Gingrich because he comes up with too many new ideas, fights with Democrats and can’t win an election. So I guess that Bob Dole taught us all that getting along with Democrats and avoiding new ideas like the plague is the key to winning in a landslide.

Of course, almost everyone loved it. There was something in it for everyone. If you’re an environmentalist, he’s going to make everything green and protect the Earth to the point of not even allowing a pipe to be laid on it. If you’re not, he’s going to open up drilling in the Gulf and build giant projects on the scale of the Hoover Dam. He’s going to institute all sorts of new programs, from job training to regulation of out of control industries. He’s also going to streamline the government and reduce spending. Even if you want two things that are completely contradictory, he’ll give you both. Truly, this man is the Messiah!

Why is it surprising that Ann is a Romneybot? In 2008, she attacked every candidate but Mitt. She even went tooth and claw after Mike Huckabee, painting him as some kind of tax-loving socialist and playing up that Club for Growth hit piece that wildly distorted his record (I’ve known Huckabee personally for years, so I know for a fact that he’s even more conservative than I am, if such a thing is possible.)

Do people not remember that back in 2008, she refused to come out and admit she was attacking the other candidates to steer voters to Mitt until she finally wrote a column admitting it? She said she’d hoped you people would be smart enough to pick up on the message to back Romney, but apparently we weren’t, so now she had to come out openly and just tell us to. If only we’d just do what she tells us to, Romney could have been the nominee by now. What idiots we are!

The most damaging moment from tonight’s debate wasn’t the flurry of accusations by Romney against Gingrich, but the moment when Gingrich explained that the $1.6 million was the payment to the full company, and his pay was only about $35,000 a year. He then turned it around and asked Romney if all the millions that Bain Capital grossed when he ran it went into his pocket, and Romney snapped back, “That’s irrelevant.” Well, no, it isn’t. That was exactly the point they were talking about. It made it sound as if the guy who’s claiming he should be President because of his vast business experience doesn’t know the difference between gross and net. Romney’s answer was so obviously bad, the audience audibly laughed at it.

It’s one thing when part of the audience boos or doesn’t applaud you. That could happen to anyone expressing a strong opinion. But you’re in deep doo-doo when they start laughing at you.

My wife, who is a very intelligent woman, is backing Newt, and the ABC hatchet job just made her angry because of its blatant unfairness and partisanship. She’s been around the block enough times to spot a bitter, angry ex-wife who’s still grinding an ax more than a decade on.

She’s also smart enough to point out the logical flaw in ABC’s claim that this “open marriage” accusation was “bombshell” new information that could sink Newt’s candidacy. She said if Marianne had something really damaging on Newt, and she was completely open about her attempt to destroy his career in an interview in Esquire two years ago, then how come she never mentioned it until now? After all, new information doesn’t suddenly appear in 12-year-old conversations. She says the very fact that she’s suddenly claiming bombshell new information that she never bothered to mention before when recounting the exact same story in detail makes her story a lot less believable, not more believable. So maybe women didn’t turn against Newt because they aren’t as stupid as the Democrats and the MSM hoped.

Exactly. If this were a viable product that consumers wanted to buy, it wouldn’t take billions of taxpayer dollars to prop up the industry. Nobody has to pay the public to eat at McDonald’s or drink Diet Coke because people actually want to, so those companies make a profit.

Still, as idiotic as Obama’s obsession is, I think the dumbest EV idea ever was California mandating that 10 percent of all the cars on the road would be electric by a certain date. You could force the makers to make them; you could force the dealers to go broke stocking them; but unless you pointed a gun at the head of every 10th car buyer, it was never going to happen. But it did give us a beautiful example of the bottomless yet groundless faith leftists have in the powerful magic of meddling legislation.

I still buy tons of CDs, but mostly independent releases, and almost nothing from major labels other than archive stuff. Most new music on major labels is garbage from cretins whose only talent is for marketing and self-promotion (just look at yesterday’s Grammy nominees, only about four people worth listening to in the bunch). Downloading is for people who are too dumb, young or tonedeaf to care about sound quality. Maybe if they’d ever heard anything worth listening to, they’d start demanding to hear it clearly. /rant

How did you get onto this thread? You actually read the article and make sense. Huckabee wasn’t endorsing Romney, he was just trying to prepare Republicans to deal with reality, which is sometimes an unpopular position around here.

I can’t stand Romney myself, but I’d crawl over broken glass to vote for him if that’s my only choice other than Obama. All this “I’ll NEVER vote for him! I’ll just sit home and help reelect Obama” or “I’ll write in Ron Paul!” or whatever, makes me want to scream. ANYONE short of a dug-up and reanimated Stalin is better than Obama, and if you don’t do everything you can to prevent four more years of him, then I don’t consider you to give a damn about America’s future.

As I always say, my fellow Republicans have to protect the Second Amendment so they’ll always be able to shoot themselves in the foot every time there’s an election.

To be fair, Roseanne put a $100 million cut-off on the beheadings of the rich. She, coincidentally, has only $80 million. So there’s no hypocrisy at all.

I can never figure out what is “progressive” about believing in a system of government and economics that’s been around for a century-and-a-half and failed miserably - bringing poverty, oppression and mass death - every place it’s been tried. Of course, as they always remind us, with the shining exception of Sweden. So apparently, being “progressive” means that you think the world should be entirely populated by Swedes.

I know these people are idiots, but could ANYONE possibly be stupid enough to trust them with their life savings?

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Goldstein, your money is safe! I put it into a really promising macrame collective and some truly righteous weed!”

I’m surprised nobody’s posted a photo from last week’s Craig Ferguson show of the robot skeleton wearing Larry King’s suspenders, shirt and glasses.