Posted on 07/27/2015 3:42:57 AM PDT by Kaslin
Dr. Seuss’ new book, “What Pet Should I Get?” inspired me to write a Seuss-style poem from the perspective of a mother who wants a gun to defend her family.
My poem is a plea for 2nd Amendment rights in the wake of recent mass tragedies committed by Dylann Roof, Mohammad Youssef Abdulazeez and John Houser. As you know, I’ve written many columns in defense of gun rights. However, given last week’s tragic shooting in a Louisiana movie theatre, I will try reaching hearts and minds by presenting my facts in a more creative way.
Please share this column with any “compassionate liberals” in your life so that they may see that your ideas come from your heart as well as your mind. Here goes my poem:
What gun should I get? I’ll ask and I’ll ask. I’m up for the task!
Son, what gun should I get? A pistol? A rifle? A shotgun? Tell me, son. Son-of-a-gun.
Daughter, what gun should I get? Yes dear, I know, any new gun will shoot farther than your mother’s old handgun!
Dog, what gun should I get? A toy gun for you to chew and to toss? Or a real gun so that we may safely walk through the forest blanketed with moss?
President Obama, I know you love skeet! Give me advice for choosing a firearm that will help me stand my ground on my own two feet!
“Don’t carry concealed. Call the police,” you say? OK, OK. But how do I call the good folks in blue when a mugger is three steps away from my shoes?
“Then, shout ‘STOP!’” you suggest? I’m trying, I’m trying, to envision that working. But all I can picture is an antagonist lurking in the mist—before I drop to the ground with one quick whoop of his fist.
Michelle, you’re a mother like me. You have armed guards around you and your daughters from dawn until dusk. Surely you will not imitate your husband in being so brusque! What gun should I get for my 18-year-old daughter when she heads off to college?
“Her best defense is pepper spray,” you say? But what if she is raped, I say? How will I live to see another day?
Michelle, tell me why I should reduce my daughter to warding off sexual assault with the dormitory’s wrinkled sheets or the cafeteria’s pickled beets—instead of the proven practice of packing heat?
Back to you, Mr. President. No American president has presided over a deadlier record of mass shootings committed by mentally ill madmen than you. Ignoring the root issue, why do you continue to treat me and other law-abiding gun owners like animals who belong in a zoo?
Major Nidal Hasan. Jiverly Antares Wong.
Jared Loughner. Elliot Rodger. John Houser.
James Holmes. Adam Lanza. Aaron Alexis. Mohammad Youssef Abdulazeez. Acknowledge our right to defend ourselves against these madmen, please.
We know that the Charleston, South Carolina shooter popped pills like Xanax and Suboxone before making his kills. When you learn about shooters like Dylann Roof—flying higher than drones before setting their sights on gun free zones—why do you cite false claims about firearms without showing your proof?
Ignore Jonathan Gruber’s manufactured poll telling you that we’re “stupid” and search your soul for more reliable council. You’ll surely realize that more love and more guns is the only way for America to rekindle the peace of the dove.
Mr. and Mrs. President, why won’t you support my desire to purchase a tool to protect my daughter when she heads off to undergraduate school? Instead, I feel like you sometimes choose to reduce my reasonable fears to the level of booze by hosting summits where you and your guests throw back beers.
Since you’re so unkind, I’ll make up my own mind. I have a natural right to defend myself and I will decide on the gun that’s right for me; the gun that will help me to be more free. After all, my family and friends are more precious than popularity. Here is my gun; here is my holster; and here is my paper showing that I am a proud and responsible permit holder!
With my gun secure in its safe and criminals on the loose, I will have peace of mind as I curl up with the new book by Dr. Seuss.
I apologize for taking gun ownership so seriously.
The author using Dr Suess as a vehicle to deliver her message, escapes me. Sorry for being so fuddy-duddy. It’s not cute. It’s not funny.
The Bersa 380 is lady-friendly, well-made, and reasonably priced.
Yeah, that notion is ridiculous. An attacker can be through your door in seconds, single-digit seconds. If they pick locks or come in through an unlocked door they could be in the room with you before you even know they are in the house.
People talk about carrying with one in the chamber so you are ready. If there is concern about the 1 to 2 extra seconds required to rack a slide and then get on target... What do you think the extra 20 to 30 seconds needed to get to the safe and get your weapon are going to cause?
When I carry, I carry 15+1 - with a round in the chamber. When I'm home, there is a weapon literally within arms reach. If I ever need my weapon, I will need it bad. Being prepared may give me an edge in time, and those extra couple of seconds could be critical. Yes, I have a safe. The safe is for if/when there are little kids visiting. Then I keep one weapon on me, and the other "ready" weapons go in the safe.
Let’s stick to the title of the piece - What Gun Should I Get?”
Simple answer: More than one. Buy weapons that fit your hand(s), with which you’re familiar and comfortable and weapons that function reliably, i.e., ALL the time. Make sure they’re weapons in calibers for which ammo is readily available and keep plenty of ammo on hand. Finally - and most importantly - be absolutely certain that, if you have to arm yourself in the defense of you and your family, you are willing to take a human life.
If you can’t decide, just buy one of each that you fancy.
As he pulls a replica pistol?
Sounds like suicide by cop to me.
“With my gun secure in its safe and criminals on the loose,”
How about with my gun just within reach? :-)
Great post. I hope people are listening.
Thanks.
Great post. Thank you.
The article may be flawed, but it gets people thinking and that is a step in the right direction.
Do you seriously think people will make decisions based on a parody article or a cartoon? I don’t. I wouldn’t buy a car or a house or even a new toaster based on a random article, especially not an article that is not serious and fact-laden. But the article might get me thinking about the topic and talking to people and reading and after I educate myself, I might decide to buy a car or a house or a toaster ... or a gun.
I'm the guy that says if you have one child, you're operating at a loss ....
two children is only a break-even point and three is barely enough to slowly get ahead
Have 8 kids like our grand parents did .... AMERICA WAS THE BALLS AND NO ONE COULD TOUCH US
I think about strange things like that
Do what I do. Buy them all. Guns have feelings too.
Or too stupid to be around.
I was getting worried.
“That one.”
From the get-go, the article/writing, seemed to me, to be geared for a five y/o. That’s how it struck me, perhaps such a serious topic needs to be dumbed down for today’s millennials Your point taken.
That makes my hand hurt just seeing the pic.
I ask about YOU; not the author.
You just can’t beat the Founders’ logic.
As a collector I’ve many guns
But that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun
It may seem silly, it may seem daft
But we old farts we still can laugh
Of course it is serious but it’s not dour.
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