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BATTLE OF THE 7-FOOT MESSIAHS
Weekly World News | 1/20/2005 | April Summers

Posted on 08/20/2006 5:40:34 PM PDT by Alex Murphy

The Messiah is a 7-foot-tall blond David Hasselhoff look alike -- and he's coming to save the planet from another 7-foot messiah that amazingly resembles Osama Bin Laden!

At least that's the picture painted by spiritual medium Wendy Lockwood, of Aurora, Colo. She says this hunky messiah appeared to her in a vision.

Based on her drawings, he's a tall, statuesque man whose looks are a beautiful blend between Baywatch star David Hasselhoff and American Idol runner-up Jason Guarini. He's supposedly 79 years old, but doesn't look a day over 25.

Lockwood claims her messiah, named "Harjas," is hiding from the public until the time is right, but when he does appear, it will be to save the planet from another messiah, a Bin Laden look-alike called "Maitreya."

To the uninformed spectator, this meeting will only be an incredible fight between David Hasselhoff and Osama Bin Laden, but really, the fate of the earth will rest on these 7-foot giants' shoulders!

The spiritualist claims that when Harjas comes, he will set up shop near Denver, Colo., which will then be known as the "altar of the world," and, even though he will be jaw-droppingly attractive, he won't allow himself to profit from his pulchritude.

"He won't be a celebrity," she says. "He refuses to be worshipped."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: callingartbell; maitreya; theendisnigh

Oh, come on. "Is it satire?" Don't make me reach through your monitor and slap you. It's from the Weekly World News.

If you still think it's serious, we'll call for your elders to come and pray over you (James 5:14).

1 posted on 08/20/2006 5:40:35 PM PDT by Alex Murphy
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To: LucyT
What did I tell you?

This is what you should be reading in line at the grocery store.

L

2 posted on 08/20/2006 5:43:09 PM PDT by Lurker (I support Israel without reservation. Hizbollah must be destroyed to the last man.)
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To: Alex Murphy
I wont believe it untill Pawl Harvey reads it straight outta the WWN.

The first time I heard PH do this, was the last time I heard PH.

3 posted on 08/20/2006 5:43:28 PM PDT by rawcatslyentist (I'd rather be carrying a shotgun with Dick, than riding shotgun with a Kennedyl! *-0(:~{>)
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To: Alex Murphy
You can find a pic of this new messiah here.
4 posted on 08/20/2006 5:44:18 PM PDT by isthisnickcool (You! Shake your junk!)
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To: Alex Murphy; Mother Abigail; RandallFlagg

"The spiritualist claims that when Harjas comes, he will set up shop near Denver, Colo.,"

And he goes ~there~ because Mother Abigail appeared to him in a dream told him to?
Is the other guy headed to Las Vegas, by any chance?


:::rolls eyes:::


;D


5 posted on 08/20/2006 5:59:54 PM PDT by Salamander (And don't forget my Dog; fixed and consequent.........)
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To: isthisnickcool

David Hassellhoff will save the World? Abe Vigoda is more likely.


6 posted on 08/20/2006 6:00:38 PM PDT by Draco
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To: Salamander

And he goes ~there~ because Mother Abigail appeared to him in a dream told him to?
Is the other guy headed to Las Vegas, by any chance?



i think we're on the right track, right steve???


7 posted on 08/20/2006 6:27:47 PM PDT by ronnied (we are the only animals that bare our teeth in greeting...)
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To: ronnied

Bwahaahaa, The Stand.


8 posted on 08/20/2006 6:40:46 PM PDT by axes_of_weezles
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To: isthisnickcool

Right On!!

And his name is pronounced, "Harjah-harj."!!!


9 posted on 08/20/2006 6:45:08 PM PDT by baltodog (R.I.P. Balto: 2001(?) - 2005)
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To: axes_of_weezles

Bwahaahaa, The Stand.



one of my favorites...


10 posted on 08/20/2006 6:52:20 PM PDT by ronnied (we are the only animals that bare our teeth in greeting...)
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To: Alex Murphy
The Messiah is a 7-foot-tall blond David Hasselhoff look alike -- and he's coming to save the planet from another 7-foot messiah that amazingly resembles Osama Bin Laden!

You mean: they are BOTH evil?

11 posted on 08/20/2006 7:16:30 PM PDT by Oztrich Boy ("You can either accept science and face reality, or live in a childish dream world" - Lisa Simpson)
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To: Alex Murphy

Oh dear dear dear...at this rate Great Cthulhu will devour us all! Could this not be linked with Weekly World News at least? Where is WWN's SpyCat now that we need him?


12 posted on 08/20/2006 7:16:33 PM PDT by PandaRosaMishima (she who tends the Nightunicorn)
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To: Oztrich Boy

David Hasselhoff! OMG! He's the one who helped SpongeBob SquarePants! We are doomed, I tell you, DOOMED!


13 posted on 08/20/2006 7:17:48 PM PDT by PandaRosaMishima (she who tends the Nightunicorn)
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To: ronnied

LOL!


Ray Walston did that character justice.....:)


14 posted on 08/20/2006 8:22:13 PM PDT by Salamander (And don't forget my Dog; fixed and consequent.........)
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To: PandaRosaMishima
And since BOC's "Don't Fear The Reaper" is featured in the movie, it's only fair to post *this*;


15 posted on 08/20/2006 8:24:45 PM PDT by Salamander (And don't forget my Dog; fixed and consequent.........)
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To: Alex Murphy
1. the author is a porn star.
2. Maitreya is a ancient god of learning and insight, still revered by billions.
3. I believe this porn star is worshiping the false prophet, and is possibly betrothed to it, and have a newsletter to expose her wicked plan.
16 posted on 08/20/2006 9:50:15 PM PDT by JerseyHighlander
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To: Alex Murphy
Now just a cottin' pickin' minute. Are you telling me World Weekly News is NOT true? They have pictures!!! They have eye witnesses!!! What more could you ask for from credible journalism?

BTW-I especially enjoyed last week's article about the giant squid attacking a town along the New Jersey shoreline. I was disappointed this exclusive wasn't followed up by ABC, NBC, CBS, or Fox News.
17 posted on 08/21/2006 4:30:12 AM PDT by HarleyD ("Then He opened their minds to understand the Scriptures" Luk 24:45)
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