Navy destroyer collides with building in downtown Houston [satire]

Duffleblog ^ | 29 Aug 2017

[rey]

HOUSTON — As if the city of Houston hasn’t seen enough tragedy due to catastrophic flooding from Hurricane Harvey, things took a turn for the worse today after a U.S. Navy ship collided with a building in the downtown area.

The ship was identified as an Arleigh Burke-class destroyer belonging to the Navy’s 7th Fleet.

It was unclear why the destroyer was not able to see the building and take evasive action, or why it was over 20 miles inland and trying to navigate through a major metropolitan area.

“I had climbed up on my roof due to dem risin’ flood waters, when I saw a big ship sailin’ down the street,” said Georgia Brown, a resident who witnessed the incident. “I says to myself ‘Oh Lawdy, someone’s done come to rescue us!’ and then it sails right past my house and smack straight into that yonder building.”

This marks the fifth collision incident this summer for destroyers from the Navy’s beleaguered 7th Fleet, following incidents involving the USS Fitzgerald, USS John S. McCain, and the USS Ted Kennedy.

The Navy declined to comment on the cause of the collision, citing an ongoing investigation, although it did say the captain had been promptly relieved of his command.

Despite reticence from the Navy, a senior defense official speculated the ship had likely veered off course from its patrol route in the South China Sea.

Navy officials say they are planning a number of PowerPoint trainings related to urban maritime navigation.

[Vendome]

No one named John Smith should ever be in charge of a ship /S

And, duh, yeah, this is probably satire

[JohnyBoy]

>And, duh, yeah, this is probably satire

“probably”

[Vendome]

OMG, Georgia Brown? That’s too much LOL

[Vendome]

Prolly or most maybe...

[DIRTYSECRET]

How do you do that?

[Vendome]

Carefully and with aplomb...

[GOPJ]

Despite reticence from the Navy, a senior defense official speculated the ship had likely veered off course from its patrol route in the South China Sea. Navy officials say they are planning a number of PowerPoint trainings related to urban maritime navigation.

Funny...

[ETL]

“I had climbed up on my roof due to dem risin’ flood waters, when I saw a big ship sailin’ down the street,” said Georgia Brown, a resident who witnessed the incident. “I says to myself ‘Oh Lawdy, someone’s done come to rescue us!’ and then it sails right past my house and smack straight into that yonder building.”

[Raycpa]

Another result of global warming. Impeach the denier.

[dragnet2]

I was in the military, but not the Navy. For some reason, this doesn’t seem funny to me in the least.

[clyde260]

...a plum??

[Billthedrill]

Well, of course it's satire. This couldn't happen. 7th fleet is in the western Pacific.

And destroyers don't hit buildings. Most of the time. Well, less than 50%, anyway.

[kingu]

If only the stationary building had heeded the demands of the navy ship to heave to....

[gubamyster]

OMG I’m bustin’ a gut over here.

[infool7]

For a while there I must admit, I was beginning to think that satire was all but dead but I do now think, little darlin’ here comes the sun.

[clintonh8r]

Apparently the watch had been relieved to attend mandatory x-gender sensitivity training....

[sasportas]

Me too. I laughed so hard my side hurts.

[ProtectOurFreedom]

LOL. Are we SURE it’s satire?

[TomGuy]

I am surprised it didn't collide with Osteen's big yacht.

Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston To Pass Out Copies Of ‘Your Best Life Now’