Posted on 12/29/2015 6:13:17 AM PST by Kaslin
Part I in a series of widely held beliefs that are either untrue or meaningless:
In every age, people say and believe things that aren't true but somehow become accepted as "conventional wisdom."
The statement "I'm not ready to get married" is a current example. Said by more and more Americans between the ages of 21 and 40 (and some who are older than that), it usually qualifies as both meaningless and untrue. And it is one reason a smaller percentage of Americans are marrying than ever before.
So, here's a truth that young Americans need to hear:
Most people become "ready to get married" when they get married. Throughout history most people got married at a much younger age than people today. They were hardly "ready." They got married because society and/or their religion expected them to. And then, once married, people tended to rise to the occasion.
The same holds true for becoming a parent. Very few people are "ready" to become a parent. They become ready ... once they become a parent. In fact, the same holds true for any difficult job. What new lawyer was "ready" to take on his or her first clients? What new teacher, policeman, firefighter is "ready?"
You get ready to do something by doing it.
In addition, at least two bad things happen the longer you wait to get "ready" to be married.
One is that, if you are a woman, the number of quality single men declines. Among deniers of unpleasant realities -- people known as progressives, leftists, and feminists -- this truth is denied and labelled "sexist." But, as Susan Patton, a Princeton graduate, wrote in an article titled "Advice for the young women of Princeton," published in Princeton's student newspaper: "Find a husband on campus before you graduate. ... From a sheer numbers perspective, the odds will never be as good to be surrounded by all of these extraordinary men."
The other bad thing that happens when people wait until they are "ready" to get married is that they often end up waiting longer and longer. After a certain point, being single becomes the norm and the thought of marrying becomes less, not more, appealing. So over time you can actually become less "ready" to get married.
And one more thing: If you're 25 and not ready to commit to another person, in most cases -- even if you are a kind person, and a responsible worker or serious student -- "I'm not ready to get married" means "I'm not ready to stop being preoccupied with myself," or to put it as directly as possible, "I'm not ready to grow up." (No job on earth makes you grow up like getting married does.)
People didn't marry in the past only because they fell in love. And people can fall in love and not marry -- as happens frequently today. People married because it was a primary societal value. People understood that it was better for society and for the vast majority of its members that as many individuals as possible commit to someone and take care of that person. Among other things, when people stop taking care of one another, the state usually ends up doing so. Just compare the percentage of single people receiving welfare versus the percentage of married people.
Nor is the argument that the older people are when they marry, the less likely they are to divorce. This only applies in any significant way to those who marry as teenagers versus those who marry later. Moreover, the latest data are that those who marry in their early 30s are more likely to divorce than those who marry on their late 20s.
And then there is the economic argument. Many single men, for example, say they are not ready to get married because they don't have the income they would like to have prior to getting married. As responsible as this may sound, however, this is not a particularly rational argument. Why is marrying while at a low income a bad idea? In fact, marriage may be the best way to increase one's income. Men's income rises after marriage. They have less time to waste, and someone to help support -- two spurs to hard work and ambition, not to mention that most employers prefer men who are married. And can't two people live on less money than each would need if they lived on their own, paying for two apartments?
In addition to economic benefits, the vast majority of human beings do better when they have someone to come home to, someone to care for, and someone to care for them. And, no matter how much feminists and other progressives deny it, children do best when raised by a married couple. There are, most certainly, superb single parents. But every superb single parent I have ever spoken to wishes they had had a spouse with whom to raise their children.
Throughout history, and in every society, people married not when they were "ready" to marry, but when they reached marriageable age and were expected to assume adult responsibilities.
Finally, this statement reflects another negative trend in society -- that of people being guided by feelings rather than by standards or obligations. We live in an Age of Feelings. Aside from the rational and moral problems that derive from being guided by feelings rather than by reason and values, there is one other problem. In life, behavior shapes feelings. Act happy, you'll feel happy. Act single, you'll feel single. Act married, you'll feel married.
Do it, in other words. Then you'll be "ready."
As someone who just became single again I can say...
Things are VASTLY different out there now than even 10 years ago.
Still lots of busted up hearts trying to find true love.
The big change is at 50+ both men and women are opting for alternative relationships other than marriage.
If you are lucky to be handsome, in shape and well off, you have to be extra careful as you attract all sorts.
It is so crazy I have TWO women looking out for my interests to keep me from stepping in a bear trap.
If I were the type to exploit this, I could have a new GF every month for the next 5 years.
WAY too much drama and danger!
I now keep myself busy with 3 new business ventures and enjoying peaceful evenings alone.
Absolutely. However quality women are more likely to be able to find quality men due to social dynamics.
It’s not like society as a whole doesn’t have a share in how things have become. Too many guys whine instead of facing the facts and dealing with the situation.
You and I are on the same page. Just took me until my 50s to see that even after repenting of fornication and marrying, that allowing my wife to use the pill to limit the size of our family was indeed direct disobedience to God, and now with only a son and being 60, I did little to help and perhaps much to harm humanity by participating in contraception.
Prager wasn’t ready to host talk shows until he became a talk show host.
I just find it interesting that for most of the people around here the onus is on the woman. I’m in my mid-30’s, well established in my job, own my own home and property, and if I decide to get married it’s not going to be because of my duty to society, or because I have to find a guy to take care of. It’ll be because I’ll have found someone I want to share my whole life with, and I assume his reason for marrying me would be the same. Until then I’m not embarrassed or ashamed or looking at my life as a failure in any way, shape, or form. Though I do wish my mom would stop asking about it.
When the girl says “this isn’t going to lead to a relationship” what she means is “I’ll let you buy me a nice dinner, but I don’t think you are hot enough for me to consider having sex with you. Ever.”
Well, that's true. I consider myself a Person of Character (tm). I am married to another Person of Character - and our marriage is thus pretty easy, not difficult at all.
Further, I seek out and socialize with other Persons of Character. I do NOT socialize with Persons of No-Character...no matter how good they look.
Adherence to this last principle, coupled with another ancient and simple principle that reads "Do not have sex with anyone you do not genuinely love" would save America's young men a lot of grief. :)
No doubt there are whiners, but unfortunately, far more men have just stopped trying. Whining is a good sign - it means that one cares. The 'men on strike,' stopped whining long ago.
But it’s not a lot different than 7 years ago, which is within my experience.
Young men entering the 'sexual marketplace' today are playing by completely different rules than his brothers 40 years ago.
There were no 'men on strike' movements and accompanying (books) written about it 40 years ago.
We've all made mistakes. I made similar mistakes in my 20s.
It took me a decade to get my head screwed on straight.
I know that I absorbed the "conventional wisdom" uncritically, so I try to help young people avoid making the same mistakes. But of course, few want to listen. The voice of the world is very strong.
I'm already getting free milk; why buy the cow?
The 'quality' of single women ain't all that great; either!
True.
We STILL subsidize it.
Just like we subsidize NON-workers.
WOMEN...
A department store opened in New York City that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.
At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.
The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
You cannot visit a floor more than once other than to leave the building.
The woman visits the first floor.
The sign reads:
- Men with jobs.
She moves on to the second floor:
- Men with jobs that adore children.
She moves on the the third floor where the sign reads:
- Wealthy men that adore children and are very handsome.
She thinks to herself, “that’s a very good deal” yet moves on to the fourth floor:
- Wealthy men that adore children, are very handsome and help with the household chores.
She decides to move on as things are constantly improving:
- Wealthy men that adore children, are very handsome, help with the household chores and are very romantic.
The woman is about to make her purchase but can’t resist moving on to the sixth floor.
There the sign reads:
- You are visitor number 31,456,012 on this floor.
- There are no men here.
- This floor exists as proof that it is impossible to please women.
The Amish do NOT have those problems!
MEN...
Opposite this department store, another department store opened that sold women. The sign on the first floor reads:
- Women that love sex.
On the second floor the sign reads:
- Women that love sex and are wealthy.
On the third floor the sign reads:
- Women that love sex, are wealthy and have large breasts.
Not a single man has visited the fourth floor.
Cosmo trained
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