Estrangement

I disagree.

Shortly after my father passed away, while my mother was in rehab following heart surgery, my sister got her hands on my mothers checkbook and credit cards.

Over about a year, she forged about $30K worth of checks, charged about $10K on her charge cards, and electronically transferred another $6K into her own charge card accounts.

She enlisted the help of her three oldest children, each of which signed and cashed forged $1000 “Merry X-Mas” checks.

The district attorney was ready to press charges, until they started calling my mother, begging her not to send them to prison. Mom dropped the charges, though they never paid her back the money they stole.

They occasionally call her, trying to manipulate her into changing her will.

Some families are better off without some of their toxic members.

I guess you could say that my family and I are estranged, but it's probably from pure inertia than anything else. When growing up, my four brothers and I had really nothing in common, other than our bloodline, and I was pretty much a loner even then. My idea of an ideal day was fishing on the river by myself, or climbing the tallest tree in the neighborhood with a book and my transistor radio to listen to music or the Tigers (in the Norm Cash/Al Kaline era).

I don't have anything against seeing my brothers (who live in four different states) or my parents (who are divorced and living in different states as well). My father and his new wife have stopped and visited a couple of times while they were passing through, and I saw one of my brothers and my mother when I last went home to Michigan 10 years or so ago. Prior to that, I hadn't been "home" in over 20 years.

I don't believe that I'm missing anything by not having any contact, nor do I think that I would gain anything by having such contact. I have my wife (and, through her, contact with her three grown children) and that's all that I need for family. I have a job that I enjoy where I don't have to really have anything contact with other people while working. My wife and I go fishing together, we read, she rides the cart while I golf ... I am happy and content; what more can I ask for?

I have been fully extruded by the ex and my oldest child. The oldest is nasty and spiteful since jr. high and I am the target. The children want to be with each other. They need each other. They need family.

There is no meeting of all the children on my turf, because the oldest does not permit it. They can only meet as a family at her house or the father’s. She holds the power So I will never have another family experience. The times in the past ten years that there have been celebrations at my house have been artifacts for her convenience or for appearances. Her shower or her birthmother’s visit, where I would be needed or convenient.

There is no real fighting this situation. The collusion and manipulation are profound and the children are trapped. I saw what happened when one child fought it, he was also extruded and ignored. It was so hard, he wanted me but he also wanted family.

The other children need family more than they need me. I am old and will most likely die in the next 10 to 20 years. They need to stay connected to each other. The only way this will happen is if none of them are seen to have alliances with me, they can visit individually, but no groups.

So,I will never intrude upon the four-child dynamic again. It is more important for the four children to stay connected than it ever would be for me to fight the situation. I would never win. So I will embrace the extrusion and never expect or initiate anything that could be seen as a place of power-wrangling. This is better than tearing things apart demanding my needs be met.

I have begun to fill my life with other people so I will keep my neediness for family (which actually had been a theme in my life- one with which I didnâ€™t succeed, obviously) at bay. I will, from now on when dealing with my children, agree with whatever anyone wants and admiring all options while tactfully backing away. I will fight no more.

A young friend is moving back into the area and wants me to be involved with her family and young children. They will never be grandchildren, but they can be loved.

I agree with you as well. There is a lot of dysfunction in my family on both sides of my marriage. My mental health (and that of my wife) improved greatly when we decided that we no longer had an obligation to tolerate insufferable and misery-inducing relatives.

That said, there are parts of my family that we are still very close to and we treasure that. But over time, we stopped going to "obligatory" family gatherings that almost aways ended in hard feelings and ruined holidays. It also helped greatly that my company offered me a promotion that involved relocating to another part of the country. Now we have the luxury of being hundreds of miles away and when we do visit the old area, we visit family members that we get along well with (and they also come to visit us).

I don't think it's "sad" at all that we don't associate with certain members of the family. Life is too short to allow others to make one miserable. That's not to say that we have any hatred for them or that we would refuse to take their phone calls or letters. We just happily keep our distance and live our own lives while they live theirs.

A lot of the discontent revolved around class and politics. Much of my family are die-hard Democrats who believe in welfare for all and that the "rich" should be heavily taxed to provide for it. Now that my wife and I are considered "rich", obviously it is us that they speak of and they resent the lifestyle we have been able to provide for ourselves and our children through hard work and responsible behavior.

I still remember Thanksgiving 2000, the year that Al Gore refused to concede Florida and contested the results. What a Thanksgiving blowout that was. I was hosting Thanksgiving dinner (as I always do) and I had to throw a certain relative out of my house because she continued to insult my wife and I for not agreeing with her that Bush stole the election and that Gore should rightfully be president. She threw out some rather hateful remarks that can never be taken back.

Good riddance to her, I haven't spoken to her since. But I hear that she is still on government assistance and miserable as ever, not to mention being over 200 pounds overweight and having to go grocery shopping in a wheelchair due to her obesity. Maybe Michael Moore can help her out.

WOW-

are you my lost relative?
LOL
my family is the same way - lot’s of Dimms
total brain-dead- (they get their Snews from the union)

BUT- I hold my tongue and say merry Christmas- and move on- it is but 1 day a year (and believe me - they personally try to pick a fight!) I walk away to their snickers and guffaws- I REFUSE TO ENGAGE- they are not Christian- not even pretenders. So I keep it low key
and believe me ——I GET A LOT OF PRAYER “momments”
in when they do visit——guess what?- one of the biggest libs changed- more dramatically than I could
believe- they moved away— realizing the family was
corrupting their life! amazing healing of prayer

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