Estrangement

Townhall.com ^ | December 2015 | Bruce Bialosky

[BBB333]

To all of you:

Thank you for the many replies.

My wife sn in the Twin City area currently helping her Step Mother go through chemo - and she’s getting abused by her libtard family while SHE’s helping!

She comes home on the 23rd and we look forward to a pleasant Christmas together.

Lot’s of friends to spend time with over the Holiday break!

Again Merry Christmas to you all!

[Mr Ramsbotham]

I highly recommend this movie to all my FReeper friends.

This is, of all things, a cinematic production of a classic novel that actually made improvements on the novel! I recommend it as well. Make it a staple of your Christmas celebration.

[Susquehanna Patriot]

“...injection of corrosive poisonous political divisiveness into the very fabric and breath of everyday live, including friendships and families.”

Determining whether to continue in a family relationship I guess is dependent on the nature of the offense, the desire and capacity to forgive, whether change has occurred so as the offense does not continue, and setting appropriate boundaries.

More broadly, injecting corrosive poisonous political divisiveness into everything is offensive. It rises to the level of offense when the injector repeatedly attempts to control others, including ad hominem attacks, refusal to respect others. The injector has thus made it clear that the relationship isn’t valuable enough to him. So why perpetuate mutual unhappiness?

I have a relative whose political view of the world was formed during the 1960s rebellion movement and has been frozen in time. Nonetheless, things remain civil, he doesn’t control the conversation, and never is there disrespect. I have succeeded in different areas though to get him to see things aren’t the leftist truth that he sees on tv.

My bottom line is knowing relationships are worth keeping, which need to be excised, and having the wisdom to know when it is time to move on - from the conversation or from the relationship.

[Susquehanna Patriot]

That is sad.

One of the saddest faces I ever saw was a nice, faithful Christian woman. I greeted her warmly one day after church and when I asked her how she was, her eyes were suddenly downcast and a very sad look came upon her face - she told me that her mother had just days ago suddenly passed away. As I hugged her expressing my sympathy, she then told me that she and her mother never got along for many years, and had not spoken for the last 5 years. And now she regrets in her soul never to be able to have the opportunity to reconcile with her mother. There was nothing I could say, I can only pray for her now for healing.

[thirst4truth]

My oldest 34 along with his wife and two children began rejecting us and our Christian beliefs about 2 years ago. I wrote letters to them, I emailed them I cried and mourned about not seeing him or my grandchildren. Our other two children finally understood that communication with them was pointless, we finally cut them off and did not try to reach out, about 6 months into it. That was so hard.

After a year of no communication, I had missed Christmas with them, I had missed my 8 year old grandson's birthday, I in despair prayed to God to deliver my son and his family from the evil snare of Satan and one day later our son called, crying asking for forgiveness.

I guess my point is, when you feel so helpless not knowing what is going on pray to God for delivery, your prayers will not go unanswered, we just need to be patient for God's time in working in our hearts. Life is too short to be estranged from our children, do whatever you can to change that.

[Aleya2Fairlie]

“Excellent advice by Mr Bialosky

I’ll have to disagree. This kind of social clap trap is part of what has brought this nation so far away from sensible and moral behavior. Even Scripture advises putting those who practice immorality out of the congregation until and if they mend their ways. Trying to mitigate the natural consequences of immoral and selfish behavior makes partakers of those who do it. Those natural consequences are removal from the society of one’s family until amends are made. The mental health community and Liberal sermons on the “it’s all good” philosophy have had much to do with the decay that we’re seeing in our nation. It has metastasized into the “diversity” mantra preached by even our churches. It advises acceptance of all manner of evil in the name of “tolerance” and “not judging”, which corrupts Scripture to accommodate an increasingly permissive and corrupt doctrine that willingly permits all manner of perversion.

It becomes clearer these days what Jesus actually meant when he said that those who didn’t “hate” family enough to leave them and follow Him weren’t to be His desciples.

I have family members who are drug addicts and petty thieves who have no compunction whatsoever in stealing or a plethora of other practices that go along with the lifestyle. I don’t associate with them in any way for the good of my family as well as myself. Even the Prodigal Son wouldn’t have been allowed to stay with his family if he had continued his hedonist lifestyle.

It’s a peculiar mindset in our society that castigates those who refuse to give place to wrongdoing and won’t allow it to interfere with their lives. Their failure to “understand” and “help”(read enable) is denounced far more loudly than the evildoers themselves. Thereby we have come to the sorry state in which we find ourselves after our nation abandoned the ultimate and infallible Guide to Living.

No, I have no desire to interfere with the natural progression of the lives of those who choose to destroy themselves. I’ll leave that to the mental health professionals whose livelihood depends on a continuing crop of them. My own and my family’s health depends on staying as far away from them as is possible.

[Farmer Dean]

I would respectfully suggest that you consult with an attorney.Grandparents have a right to see their grandchildren.

[GBA]

I have no excuse other than Popeye's "I yam what I yam."

I haven't been back to Az. in 10 years, not since that last Christmas visit.

During that visit, my elderly bio-dad caught the flu-thing I had caught when I got there and apparently gave to him. He died shortly after. It's a strange guilt I can't seem to shake and I let my self fall out of touch with everyone there.

Since then, among other people and things, I've lost my adoptive dad, followed a few years later by my mom last summer. Since Dad died, my sisters and I have spent the last few making sure Mom was never alone and/or without having family with her every day. It feels like I've been part of a long term field service contract before the business closed which has ended and now I'm finally trying to catch back up with life at home again.

Now parentless and with no wife or girlfriend or kids, I should be getting in touch with all the family I fell out of touch with, which happened not because of any one of them, but because of my own sorry self, situation and poor time and emotional management skills.

Sometimes a problem just seems too big and keeps getting bigger, especially the ones I've made myself. It's like I have nothing to offer or that things are better without me and getting back in my various families' good graces is one of those kind of problems.

Sounds like item #1 for my New Year's resolutions list.

Weird. Confession is supposed to be good for the soul, but I'm not feeling any better. Like Buckaroo Banzai said: "No matter where you go, there you are."

[stylecouncilor]

I work in the funeral industry and we deal with these issues weekly.

[LibertarianLiz]

I have been estranged from my family for a lot of years. It was not politics; but, my mother's constant defense of a brother who had made my life a misery when I was a child and teen, and who I really never wanted to see again. I knew I would have to see him at family gatherings, and I would still go to those gatherings; but, I would avoid him at all costs.

However, there is always a last straw. Mine was at my parents 50th wedding anniversary party. I and two other brothers had pitched in and were splitting the bill for the party. He refused to help us pay for the party. Instead, he gave the money to my parents and my mother attempted to give it to one of my other brothers, but he refused to take it.

At the time, my family was not rolling in dough. We had two small children in Catholic School, and we were managing; but, we didn't have a lot of spare cash. We found a way to do our fair share; but, this brother refused. My mother defended him to me about this and the argument grew and finally I just blew up. She always defended his actions and bad behavior; but, this was the last straw for me. We became estranged. I ended up being estranged from the entire family. My life has been more peaceful ever since.

Other people never really know what is going on in someone else's house. The interior life of a family may be very different from the one that is presented for public viewing.

[Dr. Pritchett]

Agreed!

“It’s a peculiar mindset in our society that castigates those who refuse to give place to wrongdoing and won’t allow it to interfere with their lives. Their failure to “understand” and “help”(read enable) is denounced far more loudly than the evildoers themselves. Thereby we have come to the sorry state in which we find ourselves after our nation abandoned the ultimate and infallible Guide to Living.”

We see much of this in every election cycle when the atheistic libs attempt a reverse psychology guilt trip to convince conservatives that Jesus would have been a communist. It’s maddening.

Thanks for your thoughtful post.

[BBB333]

Amen to what you say. Happy to know you have cut the relationship for your benefit.

My brother I have not had ANY dealing with for three decades(with minor law enforcement exceptions - them coming to my home and trying to arrest me for his felonies).

He’s a bad man.

The family I have been closest to is my long deceased mothers brother. They helped raise me after my father and mother died.

I was always the ‘outsider’ and they always liked my brother for some reason - similar to you.

I would explain why he was/is bad and they would not believe me.

After my wife and I built our home in ‘95 my Aunt told me she had spoken to my brother and told him how well I was doing and my address.

SHEESE! We had an unpublished phone number for years so he could not find me and she just gave him the street address and my phone number. I got mad at her and told her to never give out my personal information ever again.

She could not comprehend why I was upset and told me she would give my information out anytime she wanted.

Directly after this is when my brother began identity theft pretending he was me.

Not one of ‘the family’ cared about what they had done to me nor did they believe me.

I’ve taken care of all the crap he did, and he lives 700 miles away so really I did not buy that car in western Washington state...

Some people just do not deserve my time and caring.

Peace to you and may you have a wonderful 2016!

[b4me]

I appreciate all comments here as I get ready for christmas travel.

Thru half century plus of dynamics in my family while growing and as adults, I sometimes wonder why I make the 2500 mile trip to visit once or twice a year. I keep reaching out through the year and barely get any response from siblings or their kids.

I thank God my parents are still alive and God is slowly changing hearts in some of us that I plan this year to visit with only the expectation of time with my parents - any thing else will be a bonus!

I believe God birthed us into the families we are in on purpose for HIS purposes, who am I to want it my way? God being all about relationship surely meant more for many families then for us to splinter away and hold offense.

The bible tells me not to hold offense, and yes if actual active abuse is happening I understand there are times the bible tells me to speak truth in love and if needed distance myself.

Daily we all have moments of choosing ourself/wants over God in matters and I often lately realize Jesus feels the hurt of me doing that daily in ways - surely I can again forgive the rejection of some of my family members and many differences of opinion we have and thru HIS strength go to them again and be as loving as possible. It’s what Jesus does for me every moment of every day.

[conservativeimage]

I want my dad. But he's not my dad, because he is not himself. Something terrible happened to him before I was born that caused him to become insecure and introverted. To this day despite all my efforts to engage the real him, he remains inaccessible.

What do you think is worse, growing up an orphan never knowing who your father is, or growing up with your father in the next room knowing he never wants to see you? As recent as last year I have spent three nights at a time sleeping in his garage and not once did he come out to be a father and ask about how I live. I've written him, I've confronted him gently, I've interrogated him respectfully and gotten nowhere.

I can't blame him or hate him for being weak. There is shame and guilt holding him back. From the bottom of my heart I want to heal him. But there's nobody home, no matter how long I knock on that door.

For my own well being I've come to terms with the fact that he's no good for me. So I stay away. Perhaps on his deathbed he'll finally open up and be able to transition to the next place safely. But for the rest of my shattered family it will be too little, too late. Best to forgive and get on with life. The sun is able to shine on me too.

[GOPJ]

It’s all part of life’s tapestry ... light and dark, good and evil, the petty and the noble...

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

People who have normal families never get it.

My friend's mother's last words to her were, “You won't see me in heaven because you're divorced.”

And my friend was the daughter who did all the heavy lifting when it came to caring for her mother for the last few years of her life.

My friend has perhaps found some peace in the years since her mother and ex-husband went to hell.

The wounds they inflicted on her physically and verbally have never healed.

My friend will get her reward in the next life but cutting the two of them off would have perhaps allowed her to find a bit more happiness in this life as well.

Toxic people aren't healthy.

[Kaslin]

true

[Kaslin]

I am sure you do. My prayers for you and also for your son

[Albion Wilde]

bump

[cmomm44]

You are one of the few who ‘understand’ what really is of importance in this life—a Joyeux Christmas