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Thank You President Obama for Freeing Me
Townhall.com ^ | February 16, 2014 | Bruce Bialosky

Posted on 02/16/2014 12:13:54 PM PST by Kaslin

Hi, I’m Dave.

Until recently I was a full-time employee and had a very good job.In fact most years we were so busy I worked some long hours and received some significant bonuses from my employer.But now I have been freed from having to spend so much time supporting my family.Because of some great new policies from our government, I am now working part-time and spending more time with my family.

It has been an adjustment.When I told my wife the exciting news that I would spending more time at home, initially she wasn’t delighted.She sure seemed like she did not want me around.She asked how we were going to put the money away for the kids’ college educations.I was a little surprised she was not more focused on the time we could spend together, working on our relationship.She seemed like she thought having me at work was more beneficial for us.Then I told her about all the neat government programs that would help the kids pay for college.Plus, I am confident we will grow closer as we have more quality time together.I did point out we may have less money to spend, but sharing time was what life was all about.

The kids were really excited to hear about me being around a lot more.Kinda.Madison asked if I really was not going to work.When I told her it would give us more time to get to know each other, she said “Dad, get real.I’m like really busy with school and my friends.Maybe soon.”And then she stared at her phone and said she was having a conversation with a friend.Buddy Boy was a lot more receptive.I told him I could now learn how to play those video games and we could play together.He said, “Hey, don’t you think it would be geekish for me to be playing video games with my old man?”When I told him no, he turned and closed the door to his room.I am sure once he warms up to the idea we will have a blast together.

I went on HealthCare.gov and found out that my income is now going to be lower so I qualify for some really big subsidies.As long as I don’t go back to working full-time, the government will pay for over half of my family’s health insurance.All I have to do is just keep my work at the current reduced level and we will have some great coverage.I can even pick up some work on the side (if you know what I mean) and not have it affect my ability to have the government pay for most all our health insurance.Once I figured it out, we are really better off with me working less and staying home more.

Then with my new free time I found a speech that Mrs. Obama gave to college students.She told them “Don’t leave money on the table.”This was regarding getting student aid that she told them did not have to be paid back.Pondering that I thought why not me?So I applied for Food Stamps -- thankfully now called SNAP -- and it makes me feel so much better.I was really surprised to find out that at my new income level that we qualify as a family.

The nice people at the SNAP office told me there are other state and federal programs I qualify for to help underwrite my new reduced income.For example, they will help pay for my utilities.While I was so busy working I never realized there were so many programs to help people.I have researched it and found there are over 100 programs to help pay for me.How stupid I feel working hard all these years when I could have been home and the government would pay for all these things.

As I begin my new less demanding life, I am really just beginning to explore the universe I am now part of each day.Who knew I could work so little and still get all this stuff from the government?President Obama, thank you for freeing me from the burden of having to work so hard to support my family.Now I just have to get my family used to having me around.And find something to do with my time.

I’m Dave, and I love this new America.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Front Page News; Government; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: 0bamacare; abortion; brucebialosky; deathpanels; obama; obamacare; obamalies; satire; welfarestate; zerocare
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1 posted on 02/16/2014 12:13:54 PM PST by Kaslin
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To: Kaslin

When I was a kid, most families didn’t want dad at home, sitting on his @$$, writing poetry, playing the guitar and “spending more time” with them. They wanted him at work and bringing home the bacon so they’d have something to eat.


2 posted on 02/16/2014 12:18:49 PM PST by FlingWingFlyer (As government expands, liberty contracts. - President Ronald W. Reagan)
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To: FlingWingFlyer

B-b-b-b-but he may not have discovered his real calling as a hair sculptor or a hipster poet!


3 posted on 02/16/2014 12:24:17 PM PST by Army Air Corps (Four Fried Chickens and a Coke)
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To: Kaslin

I can’t decide. Either Dave has been thoroughly brain-washed and now enjoys his new, unencumbered life or this article was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek.


4 posted on 02/16/2014 12:24:21 PM PST by Zuben Elgenubi (NOPe to GOPe)
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To: Kaslin

Pajamas and hot cocoa— that’s the ticket!


5 posted on 02/16/2014 12:25:26 PM PST by Mark (Obama Care is now DEMOCRAT CARE)
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To: Army Air Corps

One of the nice things about learning to write poetry is that a lot of words rhyme with fart.


6 posted on 02/16/2014 12:27:14 PM PST by FlingWingFlyer (As government expands, liberty contracts. - President Ronald W. Reagan)
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To: Zuben Elgenubi

I’m voting for the option that includes a cheek and a tongue....


7 posted on 02/16/2014 12:27:22 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: Zuben Elgenubi
Either Dave has been thoroughly brain-washed and now enjoys his new, unencumbered life or this article was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

It was tongue-in-cheek.

I felt the sarcasm in every sentence.
8 posted on 02/16/2014 12:27:50 PM PST by adorno (Y)
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To: Kaslin

I would echo that sentiment, as I have had similar experiences.


9 posted on 02/16/2014 12:29:56 PM PST by elkfersupper
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To: FlingWingFlyer

I recall a poem about beans...


10 posted on 02/16/2014 12:31:50 PM PST by Army Air Corps (Four Fried Chickens and a Coke)
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To: Army Air Corps

Are you thinking about that old favorite “beans beans the Mexican fruit”? :)


11 posted on 02/16/2014 12:35:13 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Ditter

Ah, your knowledge of classical verse is well rounded, sir!


12 posted on 02/16/2014 12:36:46 PM PST by Army Air Corps (Four Fried Chickens and a Coke)
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To: Kaslin

Bttt


13 posted on 02/16/2014 12:40:40 PM PST by fedupjohn (America...Designed by Geniuses...Now inhabited by Idiots..Palin 2016...)
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To: Army Air Corps

My father used to recite that to us frequently (with appropriate sound effects). Strangely enough I had never heard the word “fart” until my husband explained it to me( again with sound effects).


14 posted on 02/16/2014 12:42:52 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Kaslin
Now I just have to get my family used to having me around.And find something to do with my time. I’m Dave, and I love this new America.

Sadly, within a year Dave's wife will leave him. He'll start drinking too much. And he'll realize the government has taken his spot as father and provider.

Obama's elite friends were wrong - Dave didn't take up poetry, art, or polo... but on the plus side, he can see a doctor - in a year or two - he's 300th on the list.

15 posted on 02/16/2014 12:43:32 PM PST by GOPJ ( America's drifting into totalitarianism because of left's exploitation of social failures.Greenfie)
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To: Ditter

You mean that fruit that’s good for your heart?


16 posted on 02/16/2014 12:47:02 PM PST by left that other site
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To: Kaslin
This wickedly satirical piece sums up the idiocy of the Obama administration telling employees that are seeing their hours cut or job disappear entirely due to the Obamacare debacle, that not working (and qualifying for taxpayer-funded Obamacare 'subsidies') is some kind of 'liberation', which is insulting rubbish.

When a society starts believing that it's parasites are noble then the people still working and footing the bills (via taxes) are made to look like fools. If too many workers decide to become takers then who will pay the costs? Apparently, leftists never ask that question, assuming that there will always be enough 'rich' to pay for 'government' handouts. This doesn't end well for anyone.

17 posted on 02/16/2014 12:49:29 PM PST by Jim Scott
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To: Ditter

You may not have heard the word, but I am certain that you were aware of its presence. ;-)


18 posted on 02/16/2014 12:49:59 PM PST by Army Air Corps (Four Fried Chickens and a Coke)
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To: left that other site

“The more you eat the better you feel, so let’s eat beans at every meal”. I guess that means your heart.


19 posted on 02/16/2014 12:50:48 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Army Air Corps

OH yes! :)


20 posted on 02/16/2014 12:51:48 PM PST by Ditter
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21 posted on 02/16/2014 12:52:07 PM PST by RedMDer (Happy with this, America? Make your voices heard. 2014 is just around the corner. ~ Sarah Palin)
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To: Jim Scott

Excellent post


22 posted on 02/16/2014 12:55:28 PM PST by Kaslin (He needed the ignorant to reelect him, and he got them. Now we all have to pay the consequenses)
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To: Ditter

There is a verse that rhymes with “Heart”.


23 posted on 02/16/2014 12:58:22 PM PST by left that other site
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To: Zuben Elgenubi

There’s no question in my mind - sarcasm was almost dripping off of every sentence.


24 posted on 02/16/2014 1:05:20 PM PST by Bob
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To: left that other site

The way I learned it the word rhymes with fruit.

Why don’t you sing your version for us! :)


25 posted on 02/16/2014 1:06:09 PM PST by Ditter
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To: FlingWingFlyer
One of the nice things about learning to write poetry is that a lot of words rhyme with fart.

And the only word that I can find that rhymes with Obama is Barf-o-rama.

26 posted on 02/16/2014 1:07:37 PM PST by VRW Conspirator ( 2+2 = V)
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To: FlingWingFlyer
When I was a kid, most families didn’t want dad at home, sitting on his @$$, writing poetry, playing the guitar and “spending more time” with them. They wanted him at work and bringing home the bacon so they’d have something to eat.

But that's racist.

(I was gonna go with homofo, home, homa, scared of twinks, but I'm being too lazy. Which means, of course, that I'm being way too lazy for a real argument. So instead, I'm gonna go with a canned, liberal response. I'd throw Pajamaboy in there too, but it's too much work.)

27 posted on 02/16/2014 1:08:19 PM PST by Redcloak (Was that the primary buffer panel?)
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To: Ditter

the way I learned it, lo these many years ago:

Beans, Beans, They’re good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more your fart, the better you feel,
And then you sit down for another meal

Beans, beans, the musical fruit,
the more you eat, the more you toot...etc

(I learned this American Classic at the knee of my sainted Mother! LOL)


28 posted on 02/16/2014 1:09:37 PM PST by left that other site
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To: left that other site

Excellent! A little different from the way I learned it but it brings back fond memories. :)


29 posted on 02/16/2014 1:15:38 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Ditter

I am so happy to have been able to add to FR’s cultural heritage today! LOL!


30 posted on 02/16/2014 1:18:35 PM PST by left that other site
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To: left that other site

Yes you are truly a prize! :)


31 posted on 02/16/2014 1:27:34 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Ditter

Aw shucks! gee thanks, Ditter! :-D


32 posted on 02/16/2014 1:44:10 PM PST by left that other site
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To: Ditter
My father used to recite that to us frequently (with appropriate sound effects). Strangely enough I had never heard the word “fart” until my husband explained it to me( again with sound effects).

I decided to try it too........are they supposed to be wet??????

33 posted on 02/16/2014 2:17:17 PM PST by terycarl (common sense prevails over all else)
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To: left that other site; Ditter

Than there’s:

Jack ate the beans,
the beans were loaded.
Jack went to bed,
the beans exploded.
Off with the covers,
off with the sheets,
a 50-yard dash to the toilet seat.

(I always wondered if Jack lived in a huge house or it the bathroom just SEEMED to be 50-yards away.)


34 posted on 02/16/2014 2:32:41 PM PST by Right Wing Assault
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To: Ditter

We were raised similarly.

I go married at age 21. My husband had to patiently explain dirty jokes and common anatomical epithets to me. I only knew proper scientific anatomical terms.

By age 28, I could swear like sailor.


35 posted on 02/16/2014 2:35:37 PM PST by reformedliberal
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To: reformedliberal

why would you want to?


36 posted on 02/16/2014 2:37:20 PM PST by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans!)
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To: Right Wing Assault

Ahhh...Poetry! LOL!


37 posted on 02/16/2014 2:38:50 PM PST by left that other site
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To: terycarl

hummmmm! I don’t think you did it right, you had better excuse yourself now. :(


38 posted on 02/16/2014 2:39:25 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Right Wing Assault
(I always wondered if Jack lived in a huge house or it the bathroom just SEEMED to be 50-yards away.)

Where I grew up it was a total of 50 yards out the back door through the back yard. You was born with a silver spoon in your mouth.(;>

39 posted on 02/16/2014 2:39:26 PM PST by Stentor (Maybe the Goldman Sachs thing is just a coincidence.)
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To: Kaslin
If this isn't satire, they will end up in divorce court because his wife will not want him home all the time.

She might get a job to replace his lost bring home pay...and let him run the household.

40 posted on 02/16/2014 2:41:32 PM PST by lonestar (It takes a village of idiots to elect a village idiot.)
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To: reformedliberal

LOL! I am pretty old and ladies didn’t use naughty words when I was young.


41 posted on 02/16/2014 2:55:35 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Right Wing Assault

lol the 50 yard toilet was an outhouse. Minimum distance from house (if you get my drift)


42 posted on 02/16/2014 3:00:19 PM PST by goat granny (.)
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To: Right Wing Assault

When that poem was written the toilet was probably in the little house behind the house.


43 posted on 02/16/2014 3:08:06 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Stentor; Ditter; goat granny
Where I grew up it was a total of 50 yards out the back door through the back yard. You was born with a silver spoon in your mouth.(;>

Ah, how stupid of me!

We had an ice box and a coal furnace, but we also had a real live flush terlet! With 4 other kids and mom and dad, the wait made it seem like it was 50 yards away, though. Our yard was too small for an outhouse. We didn't even have room to park a car.

44 posted on 02/16/2014 3:21:00 PM PST by Right Wing Assault
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To: Right Wing Assault
Yeah, we had an ice box too! Several times a week a man in a wagon pulled by a mule brought the ice for our ice box.

You do know that is the reason some of us still call them ice boxes don't you?

WE lived in an old Houston neighborhood called the Houston Heights.

Our daughter bought an old house in that neighborhood and she said she and several neighbors could not figure why they all had a small hill of dirt about 50 feet from the back door.

I figured that when the Heights got city sewage lines, they dumped the dirt where the outhouse had been. After that she referee to that spot as “sh** hill”.

45 posted on 02/16/2014 3:34:10 PM PST by Ditter
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To: lonestar
She might get a job to replace his lost bring home pay...and let him run the household.

Or she might learn of the additional (and substantial) largess available if only she would kick him out of the house and take on the State as her husband.

46 posted on 02/16/2014 3:38:31 PM PST by NonValueAdded (It's not the penalty, it's the lack of coverage on 1 Jan. Think about it.)
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To: Right Wing Assault

we also had a ice box with a horse drawn wagon delivering ice twice a week. Indoor plumbing, but we were city folk, rural areas still had outhouses. But when dad bought property on Lake Huron, that was our summer place....2 large army tents. One for eating and reading, the other for sleep in the summer. The first outhouse dad built was too close to the eating tent. Mom made him fill it in and he dug one over on the far side of the place. Grandma’s farm had an outhouse and chamber pots under each bed..I could give up quite a few modern things, but indoor plumbing is worth going to war for..


47 posted on 02/16/2014 3:38:59 PM PST by goat granny (.)
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To: Stentor
Outhouse? why (adding to the poetry):

In days of olde
when knights were bold
and toilets yet invented

they laid their load
upon the road
and walked away contented.

48 posted on 02/16/2014 3:42:09 PM PST by NonValueAdded (It's not the penalty, it's the lack of coverage on 1 Jan. Think about it.)
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To: Ditter

funny....:O)


49 posted on 02/16/2014 3:42:55 PM PST by goat granny (.)
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To: reformedliberal
I got married at age 21. My husband had to patiently explain dirty jokes and common anatomical epithets to me. I only knew proper scientific anatomical terms.

I married a gal just like you :)

50 posted on 02/16/2014 4:21:34 PM PST by Dartman (CDN PM Stephen Harper may not be perfect, but we don't have to be ashamed or embarassed of him.)
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