Posted on 02/16/2014 12:13:54 PM PST by Kaslin
Hi, I’m Dave.
Until recently I was a full-time employee and had a very good job.In fact most years we were so busy I worked some long hours and received some significant bonuses from my employer.But now I have been freed from having to spend so much time supporting my family.Because of some great new policies from our government, I am now working part-time and spending more time with my family.
It has been an adjustment.When I told my wife the exciting news that I would spending more time at home, initially she wasn’t delighted.She sure seemed like she did not want me around.She asked how we were going to put the money away for the kids’ college educations.I was a little surprised she was not more focused on the time we could spend together, working on our relationship.She seemed like she thought having me at work was more beneficial for us.Then I told her about all the neat government programs that would help the kids pay for college.Plus, I am confident we will grow closer as we have more quality time together.I did point out we may have less money to spend, but sharing time was what life was all about.
The kids were really excited to hear about me being around a lot more.Kinda.Madison asked if I really was not going to work.When I told her it would give us more time to get to know each other, she said “Dad, get real.I’m like really busy with school and my friends.Maybe soon.”And then she stared at her phone and said she was having a conversation with a friend.Buddy Boy was a lot more receptive.I told him I could now learn how to play those video games and we could play together.He said, “Hey, don’t you think it would be geekish for me to be playing video games with my old man?”When I told him no, he turned and closed the door to his room.I am sure once he warms up to the idea we will have a blast together.
I went on HealthCare.gov and found out that my income is now going to be lower so I qualify for some really big subsidies.As long as I don’t go back to working full-time, the government will pay for over half of my family’s health insurance.All I have to do is just keep my work at the current reduced level and we will have some great coverage.I can even pick up some work on the side (if you know what I mean) and not have it affect my ability to have the government pay for most all our health insurance.Once I figured it out, we are really better off with me working less and staying home more.
Then with my new free time I found a speech that Mrs. Obama gave to college students.She told them “Don’t leave money on the table.”This was regarding getting student aid that she told them did not have to be paid back.Pondering that I thought why not me?So I applied for Food Stamps -- thankfully now called SNAP -- and it makes me feel so much better.I was really surprised to find out that at my new income level that we qualify as a family.
The nice people at the SNAP office told me there are other state and federal programs I qualify for to help underwrite my new reduced income.For example, they will help pay for my utilities.While I was so busy working I never realized there were so many programs to help people.I have researched it and found there are over 100 programs to help pay for me.How stupid I feel working hard all these years when I could have been home and the government would pay for all these things.
As I begin my new less demanding life, I am really just beginning to explore the universe I am now part of each day.Who knew I could work so little and still get all this stuff from the government?President Obama, thank you for freeing me from the burden of having to work so hard to support my family.Now I just have to get my family used to having me around.And find something to do with my time.
I’m Dave, and I love this new America.
When I was a kid, most families didn’t want dad at home, sitting on his @$$, writing poetry, playing the guitar and “spending more time” with them. They wanted him at work and bringing home the bacon so they’d have something to eat.
B-b-b-b-but he may not have discovered his real calling as a hair sculptor or a hipster poet!
I can’t decide. Either Dave has been thoroughly brain-washed and now enjoys his new, unencumbered life or this article was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
Pajamas and hot cocoa— that’s the ticket!
One of the nice things about learning to write poetry is that a lot of words rhyme with fart.
I’m voting for the option that includes a cheek and a tongue....
I would echo that sentiment, as I have had similar experiences.
I recall a poem about beans...
Are you thinking about that old favorite “beans beans the Mexican fruit”? :)
Ah, your knowledge of classical verse is well rounded, sir!
Bttt
My father used to recite that to us frequently (with appropriate sound effects). Strangely enough I had never heard the word “fart” until my husband explained it to me( again with sound effects).
Sadly, within a year Dave's wife will leave him. He'll start drinking too much. And he'll realize the government has taken his spot as father and provider.
Obama's elite friends were wrong - Dave didn't take up poetry, art, or polo... but on the plus side, he can see a doctor - in a year or two - he's 300th on the list.
You mean that fruit that’s good for your heart?
When a society starts believing that it's parasites are noble then the people still working and footing the bills (via taxes) are made to look like fools. If too many workers decide to become takers then who will pay the costs? Apparently, leftists never ask that question, assuming that there will always be enough 'rich' to pay for 'government' handouts. This doesn't end well for anyone.
You may not have heard the word, but I am certain that you were aware of its presence. ;-)
“The more you eat the better you feel, so let’s eat beans at every meal”. I guess that means your heart.
OH yes! :)
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