Posted on 09/05/2013 6:26:07 AM PDT by NotYourAverageDhimmi
Edited on 09/05/2013 6:27:06 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
Parents who yell at their adolescent children for misbehaving can cause some of the same problems as hitting them would, including increased risk of depression and aggressive behavior, according to a new study.
A good, warm relationship with Mom and Dad doesn't protect teens from the negative effects of parents' yelling, cursing or lobbing insults, such as calling teens "lazy" or "stupid," the study found. Conducted by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of Michigan, the study was published Wednesday on the journal Child Development's website.
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
Hitting is bad
Yelling is bad
I would submit that giving every one of the little darlings their own special trophy is the very worst thing of all.
I personally think yelling is worse than spanking.
Where do they get this bull-hockey? Can’t spank them, now you can’t yell at them. And they wonder why they’re turning into little hellions.
We’re freakin’ doomed.
gonna have to resort to the only correction.....
....Caesar Millan
\
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155251/cartman-vs-the-dog-whisperer
The Pussyfication Of America enters the final stage.
Harsh language and raising your voice soon to become Hate Crimes.
Might as well go back to spanking then.
At least it fits in with the perversion they are taught in school.
If you have to yell, you have already lost the battle.
Be the person you want them to become. They will follow your example.
Of course they will misbehave. It is in their ‘nature’ to test the limits of their freedom. Punish them consistently, and fairly. A child will give a parent respect if they are punished for doing wrong. They have no respect for parents that promise to punish them, and never do. If punishment has to involve yelling or hitting.... well, maybe the problem isn’t the kids.
WHAT IS THIS SAYING?
OTOH, some say "Spare The Rod And Spoil The Child".
Kinda depends on what one is yelling.
Spanking is good. Works on babies. Once they start talking, you can give that up.
From then on it's a 'game' to find out who is 'smarter'. The child has an open mind and is very hard to outwit. If you can't outwit them, falling back on physical punishment won't work.
Back to your comment.... I think you are correct. Spankings are over and forgotten in minutes. I used to look forward to spankings, because it was such a 'quick' punishment. My parents caught on rather quickly.
But words, especially words of hate and derision... those become darts that you store in a quiver. Eventually you will find someone to fire those darts at. Repeated phrases like "you are so stupid" have a cumulative effect on the sub-conscious.
Yelling also has the opposite effect that adults might think. The more one yells, the less others listen. They start associating the 'yeller' with 'things that make me feel bad and I ignore'.
This is how parents lose touch with children.
Spanking is good. Works on babies. Once they start talking, you can give that up.
Number six is for when your son reaches the “call dad out” phase.
PROVERBS 15:4
The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
Back around 1980 I was on a bike ride through Rainier Beach in Seattle and my buddy and I stopped at a 7/11 for something to eat and drink.
While we were there, a black mother came in with her three year old son. She was yelling at him and calling him worthless (yes, she used that word) and other derogatory names. My buddy and I talked about it and we learned from that experience. It is correct to tell a child that what they did was wrong or inappropriate. It is crippling to a child to condemn them, personally, rather than what they do.
I had three daughters shortly after that and applied what I learned.
It's certainly more effective, in my opinion. My kids will just brush off a spanking, but if Daddy has to start yelling to get through to them, they listen.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words do lasting damage.
Now, mind you, I don’t yell derogatory things like “lazy”, “stupid”, “worthless”, etc. It’s about the specific thing they’re doing wrong, and why it’s gotten to the point where they have to be yelled at for it.
In fact, I try to reinforce that I think they’re smart enough and grown-up enough to not engage in the bad behavior - and that’s why I’m disappointed and angry.
Spanking is good. Works on babies. Once they start talking, you can give that up.
Mr. Spock is a simple “actions have consequences” attitude, and I share, emotionless, what those consequences will be. But it is important to, when possible, share the potential consequences BEFORE they do the offending act.
I used the “disappointed” mode when the relationship warrants it. If they don’t care that they’ve disappointed dad, it’s worthless.
On adults I learned a new one during my divorce in the late 1990’s. I had to use it on my mother when she really screwed things up in the vein of “trying to help”. I just say, “I’m not angry with you. I just see you differently.”.
In her case, it meant I saw her as a person that I could not trust with information. And she noticed I stopped sharing any info with her. I told her why. It has lingered to this day. You see, I really DO see her differently.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words do lasting damage.
If someone tries to insult me, I see their words as a reflection of them, not me. IOW, I consider the source. It’s why I have such a thick skin on the internet, especially when sparring with foul mouthed liberals. It drives them nuts that they can’t “get to me”.
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