Typical Democrat
Posted on 09/24/2005 9:25:56 AM PDT by spinestein
Why I Now Feel Happier as a Democrat
On Tuesday, September 20th, 2005, I stopped supporting George W. Bush and became a Democrat, but not for any reasons you might pluasibly guess.
Years ago, someone called me a "Conservative" (whispered under their breath as if letting me in on a special secret) and I've since felt a certain duty, or even a moral obligation to vote for a Republican in every subsequent election so as not to let others down, in the realization of their expectations. The fact that I was doing so only out of habit, and not because it was the right thing to do didn't bother me in the least.
Of course I voted for Bush in 2000, and when he stole the election from AlGore by actually petitioning the courts to prevent the unconstitutional vote fraud that was taking place in four counties in Florida, I simply told myself that Bush was just engaging in "politics as usual", and I should welcome the outcome with the same grace and dignity that AlGore managed to present. It was the first of many excuses I would make for Bush.
When Bush became President and one of his first "acts" was to fail to sign the Kyoto treaty that Congress didn't send him, I excused this behavior as well, by reasoning that since the Senate unanimously rejected Kyoto it really wasn't Bush's fault that he didn't sign it. My flimsy justifications for Bush's failures were continuing.
Then came 9/11. Like so many other people, I robotically poured my support upon Bush and justified this with the idea that he was The President of the United States of America during a time when our country was under attack by armies of murderous terrorists on a Jihad to convert the world to their vision of violent and oppressive religious zealotry, and kill everyone who doesn't agree with that premise. Of course at the time, supporting the President under those circumstances seemed quite reasonable to me. And when Bush sent our military to invade Afghanistan and remove the Taliban from power, freeing 23 million people from tyranny and eliminating a base of support for the Jihadists, I excused this as well.
By this time, I'd had enough practice at sophistry to cheer the tax cuts that Bush lobbied Congress for and eventually signed into law, even though some of his rich "buddies" working for "big corporations" in "the private sector" also benfited. I simply excused this benefit to those in the highest income bracket by reasoning that since the tax cuts were greatest at the lowest income brackets and that the change made the tax system inherently more progressive, then the large economic benefit to the poor and the middle class more than made up for the obviously unneccessary, though small, benefit to the rich.
Then Bush made his case to the United Nations for war against Iraq and removing Saddam Hussein from power, and I again blindly went along with it. I soothed my conscience with the idea that America has had a history of fighting for democracy against oppressive dictatorships and this was no different. I told myself that even a Democratic President like Bill Clinton wouldn't hesitate to remove a tyrannical dictator like Slobodon Melosevic from power, even without the approval of the United Nations, if for no other reason than that dictator was committing genocide and murdering thousands of innocent civilians. I told myself that since Saddam Hussein was also a tyrannical dictator, and had killed nearly a million innocent people in ongoing genocide that it would be okay to remove him as well, and replace his oppressive regime with a government accountable to the 27 million Iraqi citizens. My excuses for Bush's actions were starting to pile up.
In fact, I shamefully continued to support Bush even after I learned from the impeccably truthful Michael Moore and the always reliable DemocraticUnderground that all of the justification for war was a lie concocted by Bush, just to steal all the oil from the Iraqi peasants and turn it all over to his rich "oil buddies". I pretended not to hear when they told me that Bush knew the attack on the twin towers was going to take place (and that he might even have had a hand in planning it) and that he allowed three thousand American citizens to die just so he could have fun playing "American Imperialist" with the United States military.
When the time came to decide whether to continue for four more years with Bush or make a fresh start with the Vietnam war hero, who has three purple hearts, John Kerry, I silenced the stirrings in my conscience and pulled the lever once again for the Republican. I scarcely gave it a thought when Bush again stole a presidential election, this time by rigging all of the voting machines in Ohio to simply declare him the national winner. I figured if I excused Bush for stealing the first election, then it would be hypocritical of me to condemn him for stealing another one.
I remember the very last excuse I made for Bush was when he recently manipulated the circumstances of Hurricane Katrina to kill 10 thousand African-Americans in New Orleans. I reasoned that if that many people had to die, at least nearly all of them were Democrats, and after all, politics is politics.
But there came a point where I could no longer engage in such blatant sophistry and excuse making in order to support a Republican President, even if I did feel an obssessive moral duty to support the same party year after year, regardless of whether their policies were reasonable or not. And so, on Tuesday, September 20th, 2005, I stopped supporting President Bush because his heinious behavior and mean spirited policies resulted in something so horrible that even I couldn't find a way to excuse it. I saw a news story at the NASA website that made me turn cold with fear and finally caused me to open my eyes to the fact that it's okay to blame Bush for something. Here is a short excerpt from that NASA story:
"New gullies that did not exist in mid-2002 have appeared on a Martian sand dune. That's just one of the surprising discoveries that have resulted from the extended life of NASA's Mars Global Surveyor, which this month began its ninth year in orbit around Mars. Boulders tumbling down a Martian slope left tracks that weren't there two years ago. ... And for three Mars summers in a row, deposits of frozen carbon dioxide near Mars' south pole have shrunk from the previous year's size, suggesting a climate change in progress."
There it is, in black and white, read straight from NASA's website. Climate change is in progress on the planet Mars. The conclusion is inescapable: Bush hasn't been content to only ruin our own environment here on Earth with global warming, so he's now caused it to spread to Mars, endangering any Martians we may someday discover living there, and that is unforgiveable.
I have finally realized the illogic and folly of my former ways and have now switched to the Democratic Party. I will hereafter wisely vote for and support, without question, whatever candidate the Democrats nominate. In fact, I'm looking forward to seeing both AlGore and John Kerry on the ticket in 2008 so I can rectify the injustice of them having the presidency stolen from them by Bush, and vote them into their rightful place in the White House.
I know that being a Democrat is going to be great because it really doesn't matter which of them is president and which is vice president, just as long as it's not Bush. We'll just have co-presidents like we did with Bill and Hillary. Gore can be president on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Kerry can be president on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Hillary can come in on Sunday and draft legislation for Congress to pass that will return our country back to the Utopia that we always enjoy when Democrats are in charge of the government.
And best of all, I now know that it's okay to just yell out loud "IT'S ALL BUSH'S FAULT!" and I now know that it's okay to spend all day every day, loathing Bush in order to make myself feel good as a Democrat.
-- Dan "spinestein"
And please notice the first keyword. Hint: it's "satire"
I was fixin to add "Cheese" to the keywords.
Heh. I might feel happier as a Dem, but I'm unwilling to undergo the lobotomy. I need what brains I have.
Pray for W and Our Freedom Winning Troops
"Climate change is in progress on the planet Mars. The conclusion is inescapable: Bush hasn't been content to only ruin our own environment here on Earth with global warming, so he's now caused it to spread to Mars"
I thank you for standing up for the Martians in their time of crisis.
yuk-yuk
Great piece! A thoroughly enjoyable read. :)
If your piece had been another paragraph or two longer I would have not finished reading it and I would have been all over you for being some type of tinfoiled moonbat troll. Gotta be careful with that satire stuff.
In before everyone thinks there will be a ZOT because they don't take the time to actually read.
You had my eyes spinning by the third paragraph
LOL! A Republican supporting Kyoto! LOL LOL LOL!
where are the raisins?
For her arthritis. The ones that she soaks in gin?
Hey, Michael Moore helped more Republicans in 2004 than anyone else I can think of. Plus he supports the doughnut industry.
LOL!
I've thought about switching myself. Think about it. It's much easier being a democrat. You are spoon fed all your talking points. You never have to read anymore than a headline of a story to get your thoughts. You have an entire class of people that you get to hate unchallenged. You get to blame all the worlds problems on the lefts current chosen whipping boy. Conservatives expect you to be ill informed and full of $hit, so they let you get away with it. Your politicians are never asked hard questions, and are almost never held to account for their words and actions. You get to shed morality. You've got excuses stockpiled by the ton if you decide to be a leech on society.
What does conservatism offer? Truth? Hell, you never know, truth might be overrated.
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