lend me your comb
Posted on 10/14/2004 8:21:36 PM PDT by writer33
If you believe any of the following mindless, baseless, loony-tune ideas, you are a kook. If you have liberal kook friends who do not know they are kooks, use this to quiz them. You have my permission to print out ten copies. This page is watermarked. If you exceed ten copies…we will know. (If you believe this, you are a kook.)
You are a kook if you “feel” that…
George Bush is about to institute The Draft
The government is monitoring what you read in the public library
Karl Rove planted forged documents so Dan rather would broadcast them on “60 Minutes II.”
Osama bin Laden has been captured, and is being held in a secret location until close to the November elections.
George Bush has a secret deal with the Saudis to manipulate oil prices near the election.
The Patriot Act was created to oppress American dissidents and suppress free speech.
American cities are closing firehouses because the money is being spent opening firehouses in Iraq.
The recent hurricanes were a result of global warming, which is caused by America’s automobile usage, especially SUVs.
All we need to guarantee our national security is a global Marshall Plan to eliminate world hunger, poverty, and inadequate health care.
Terrorists can be transformed into peace-loving citizens by engaging them in meaningful dialogue at the U.N.
The world was more “stable” when Saddam Hussein was in power.
The only reason American troops were sent to Afghanistan so a pipeline could be built, enriching multinational oil conglomerates.
More terrorists were “created” when the United States “invaded” Iraq.
Diplomacy is the answer to all Middle East conflict. Terrorists will return to their peaceful, productive lives once we leave the region.
Bush knew in advance 9-11 was going to happen and did nothing to stop it.
Al Qaeda are really “freedom fighters.”
The looting in Iraq was caused by American troops not being “pro-active.”
There are two Americas by design: “rich America” purposefully keeps “poor America” down.
The rich get richer on “the backs” of the poor.
One million African-Americans, who vote in Democrat wards and precincts, under Democrat cities, had their votes disenfranchised by Republicans operating from Texas.
Al Gore won Florida.
John Kerry was really on a secret mission to Cambodia on Christmas Eve, 1968.
Richard Clarke was telling the truth.
Dan Rather didn’t realize the documents were fake.
Kitty Kelley is a reliable, world-class biographer with “unimpeachable” sources.
The New York Times is “the paper of record”-and covers all the news that is fit to print.
Ted Kennedy is a wise and honorable elder statesman, whose only interest is public service.
Robert Byrd is a wise and honorable elder statesman, the “Conscience of the Senate.” Those who harp on his KKK past are just mean-spirited.
Jimmy Carter is a world statesman.
Dennis Kucinich may never be President, but he really had something with his proposal to eliminate the Defense Department and replace it with a Peace Department.
The Carlyle Group, Halliburton, and Bechtel represent a greater threat to the world than Saddam did.
Campaign finance reform will keep the rich from exerting undue influence on the political process.
Republicans are in bed with polluters, drug companies, Big Business, and-of course-Big Oil.
The Religious Right are the true terrorists.
This is the worst economy since Herbert Hoover.
We have no allies in Iraq and acted unilaterally.
The French will send troops to Iraq if John Kerry is elected.
Teresa Heinz Kerry was on target when, after Hurricane Ivan hit, she said people in the Caribbean should “go naked.”
Forged documents can lead to a “larger truth.”
Terrorism is caused by the West imposing its materialist, imperialist, corporate selfishness on the rest of the world.
Human society would be at one if the United States would only learn an ethos of generosity, tolerance, and caring for the environment.
Kerry knows why he’s running for President.
Overweight America can be fired by lawsuits.
Poverty and homelessness in America are caused by Republicans.
SUVs are evil.
The $60 million spent on political ads by pro-Kerry groups is healthy expression of free speech, but the $3 million spent by the Swift Vets is an illegal Bush Administration conspiracy to undermine campaign finance reform laws.
The war in Iraq was caused by the Neocons.
It’s Bush’s fault.
Nice.
Need to get my sub. restartd once I get moved after the end of the month.
Wait a minute....you mean we DON'T have Bin Laden hidden in a spider hole?
Yeah, I just went through two weeks of hell moving to Nevada. No computer or DirecTV for almost two weeks. It was terrible. But I survived and am back in force. Where you moving?
lend me your comb
Well, if this is the standard test, I'd say well over 40% of the country passes with flying colors.
If you believe that The X-Files was a reality show, you might be a kook.
Well that covers a very significant portion of the U.S. population. I hope they recover soon.
There's a hint of seriousness in it, and it makes you go I know someone who thinks that way.
When it comes to lefties, it's ALWAYS some one else's fault. ALWAYS.
I can pick out a leftie in a crowd just by listening to them talk - about anything. It's all negative, all the time. They've got to be the most miserable people on earth.
The whole world evolves around them, and they think the world should make their lives better because they're the center of the universe.
I don't know whether to pity them, or laugh at them. Either way, I can't listen to them for very long before I have to just walk away.
Hey. I haven't heard from you since my essay was posted on Limbaugh's website. How have you been?
"I don't know whether to pity them, or laugh at them."
You can do both. I was watching the Kerry rally on C-SPAN tonight. In fact, it just finished while I was typing this up. Anyway, Kerry leads into the rally with Twisted Sister's, "We're Not Gonna Take It." That was purely hilarious. My wife, however, was shaking her head and saying, "Oh, my God."
I pitied them the most when I looked up at the television and saw people walking out. You could see Theresa's face as the realization hit that this election is ending on them fast.
As a matter of fact, I just got back from the Reno, Nevada Bush rally today-16,000 strong-and people were completely energized when they left. He needs to just keep it up and the polls will turn in his favor. You got the feeling when you left that this election isn't as close as the polls indicate. So there's room for both pity and laughter when it comes to liberals.
Sheesh! Whatever HAPPENED to Ed "Kookie" Byrnes?
The MSM can spin, but the voters will do the deciding.
I watch what people do more than I listen to what they say. Actions always speak louder than words. Sometimes I turn the sound off on the TV and watch. Democrats aren't happy people right now.
This is good. Think I'll try some of these on lefty associates.
Amen.
George Bush is about to clamp down on illegal immigration.
John Ashcroft values your privacy.
There was a connection between 9/11 and Saddam Hussein.
The Bush State Department sees blowing up Israelis the same as blowing up Americans.
The Patriot Act won't be abused whenever it is convenient to do so.
Increased funding for NEH and CPB are part of limiting growth of government.
The antimissile shield will ever be used.
Iraqis have an appreciation for and aptitude towards democracy.
American support of dictatorships during the Cold War was a good thing, but Saddam had to go because of 9/11.
When all branches of government are Republican, they will roll back environmental overkill regulations.
"Invaded" must be in quotation marks when referring to Iraq.
If we kill enough terrorists, the Arabs will stop making new ones.
Bush didn't invade Iraq because Saddam tried to kill his Daddy.
Same-sex marriage is a threat to straight society.
It is not necessary to pay Iraqis to guard the oil pipelines.
Boycotting every company that offends any of your particular peeves is somehow more noble than dumping your friends who do the same
Atheists are automatically liberal scum.
Martha Mitchell was heroic for speaking her mind, but Teresa Heinz Kerry is nuts for speaking her mind.
The right has all the answers.
See post #10.
Ping! I know it's not my original material, but some of you don't subscribe to this letter. Nevertheless, here it is for you. Fun with liberals.
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