No.
Regards, Ivan
Posted on 08/07/2004 12:21:44 AM PDT by MadIvan
AM I metrosexual? Retrosexual? Technosexual? Or even pomosexual? I’m not a label man. But these days we can’t avoid it. Himbos, bimbos, new men, old men, they are all around us. Me? I’m confused.
As some wag observed, trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. Oh, to be an old-fashioned unreconstructed male. But my haircut costs more than £10, I own more than three pairs of shoes and, most shockingly of all, I moisturise. That, the glossy mags say, propels me right out of caveman class and into the sharply exfoliated world of metrosexuality.
The metrosexual is a man who spends much time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. Shopping? Chocolate? Shoes? I love ‘em all.
Michael Flocker’s book, The Metrosexual Guide to Style: A Handbook for the Modern Man, defines this class of decadent urbanite right down to the pedicure. The metrosexual must reside in the city (tick); he must consider his mien at all times (I don’t part my hair on the side, so tick); and he should be sensitive and romantic (er, tick).
Tragically, I fare less well in other areas. The true metrosexual should own a well-thumbed copy of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Love in the Time of Cholera and, bizarrely, The Best of Sade (Remastered), we are told.
David Beckham is the uber-metrosexual. I was buoyed by this, recalling my appalling penalty miss in the Scripture Union football cup aged 11. But Beckham is metro for hair-gelling himself to within an inch of his life, wearing a sarong and painting his nails. Another miss miss miss for me.
Frustrated, I turned to the world wide web for succour. A gayometer noted I am 42 per cent gay; a metrosexuality test concluded: "You are more hetero than John Wayne". A third e-exam bewilderingly uncovered that I might have "commitment problems". You are what is termed a "toxic bachelor", it revealed. "An unmarried man who is selfish, insensitive, and ultimately afraid of commitment."
It seems I have no home. Perhaps I am just hobo-sexual.
Delivery formats for "Opinion"
No.
Regards, Ivan
Ping!
Blech.
Give me a REAL man, any any ANY day of the week.
No that would be them.
I use a little Bond-O now and then...
I'm a Neanderthal-sexual.
I did watch an opera once, but it was just a singspiel, so I don't think that counts.
Does the fact that I know what a singspiel is mean anything?
Well, no. Living in the city, caring about how he looks and being romantic don't necessarily make a man metrosexual. I know someone who fits this description fairly well and is as far from metrosexuality as one can get.
I think just using that word is enough.
Maybe the writer's just a male lesbian.
I'd give $100 to watch those two shoot the rapids on a level 5 stretch. Can you see the shower caps?
"Does the fact that I know what a singspiel is mean anything?"
Hell, I'd say so!
If you also know what a 'tone poem' is you're TOTALLY gone!
I am so turned off by metros that I could only read through about 3/4 of this article.
My husband is the farthest thing from a metro that there is. He likes me to buy the same shirt and pants for every day of the week. He goes hunting and fishing and he is hairy. I have to beg him to take me to the movies and he will never, ever watch a chick flick.
While I was growing up, M*A*S*H* was probably the most popular show on TV. I picked someone who doesn't even remotely resemble Alan Alda to spend the rest of my life with.
I like men to be men, not wussies.
"I like men to be men..."
AMEN to that, Sister.
 |
Well, I've seen this one about a million times. But Bugs is okay, right? |
Bugs is secure in his sexuality!
I don't consider smearing some moisturizer on my face to be cosmetics. I do have to laugh when I see some of these guys showing up on the talking head shows with obvious lipstick on to put some life in their pale, bloodless lips. Algore and Weasly Clark look the funniest in makeup. During the contention over the results of the 2000 election I saw James Baker with so much makeup I thought he was a closet cross-dresser. Dubya even came out in one of the debates with some lipstick and pancake. I've never seen him do it again. I bet I never will.
I've never seen the archaic "maketh" in the slang term "make the man" before. I think the original was "Clothes make the man", so "Do clothes make the man(?)" should be OK(sl.)
I used to be metro, but now I don't care. I don't like euro stuff.... AAAAARrrtgh! Lost my train of thought listening to Susan Ostrich screech. Had to turn the TV off. I hate Fox.
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