Man Tries to Crucify Himself: Calls 911 when he can't nail second hand to cross

Bangor Daily News ^ | 3/16/04

[tx_eggman]

Verily I say unto you ....

nature has a way of weeding out stupid people

[martin_fierro]

"NEED A HAND HERE!"

[martin_fierro]

Man Tries to Crucify Himself: Calls 911 when he can't nail second hand to cross

I'd say this guy has a Messiah Complex, except that in this case it's more of a Messiah Simplex.

[johnfrink]

Reminds me of my favorite Arnold one-liner from "Predator"---"Stick around!" (said just after impaling a bad guy to the wall with his knife.)

http://www.jeje.nu/arnold/predator/stick.wav

[areeves79]

Well he gave his best effort for that Darwin Award.

Better luck next time.

[TexasCajun]

Sounds like this guy is auditioning for the next JACKASS MOVIE!!

[Geritol]

"And you thought suicide by chainsaw was difficult..."

I remember the naked gun or whichever it was where the guy was stuck to the garage wall with this massive drill bit through his back, out his front and into the wall. The "police" were all in agreement that it was a very nasty way to suicide even though no contortionist could have accomplished it.

[11th Earl of Mar]

[He] proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer... when he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board

That's what happens when your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing.

[ZULU]

Watching "The Godfather" series.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911,"

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA.

This guy deserves the Darwin award.

[conservativecorner]

You sure it wasn't Kerry? I can see him trying to claim that he is the Messiah.

[Sofa King]

The trick to nail the nail in from the other side of the cross first so that it sticks out a few inches, then (after the first hand is already nailed down), just slam your other hand onto the nail. Oh, and barb it so that you can't pull it back off.

[Fiddlstix]

You may find this interesting

[Sofa King]

Ever seen 'Loaded Weapon'?

About 10-20 people have been killed by machine gun fire. The entire apartment is full of bullet holes.

"Looks like suicide"

[kjam22]

He just needs a construction nail gun, a timer, and some advice from Mcguiver.

[Cicero]

Next time rent a staple gun.

[dead]

Just once, I’d like to keep the lentils off the floor.

[thefactor]

Charlie Darwin, call your office. We have someone in the waiting room and he wants to see you.

[kjam22]

The trick to nail the nail in from the other side of the cross first so that it sticks out a few inches, then (after the first hand is already nailed down), just slam your other hand onto the nail. Oh, and barb it so that you can't pull it back off.

OUCH!

[sheikdetailfeather]

"911. Do you need Police, Fire or Medical?" "Duh. I need a helping hand. Can you send an officer over right away?" "Sure. What is your emergency, sir? Duh. I would rather not say. Will you be able to meet him at the door when he arrives?" "Sure. I will be the guy nailed to the big wooden cross and bleeding all over the place." "Fine. An officer is on the way."

[Blood of Tyrants]

911 dispatcher to idiot: "Piss poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. You need a general contractor, not me. Goodbye."