Man Tries to Crucify Himself: Calls 911 when he can't nail second hand to cross

Bangor Daily News ^ | 3/16/04

[silverleaf]

Man treated after attempting to nail himself to cross

HARTLAND — A Hartland man was treated at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross. The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide Thursday evening in his living room, the Bangor Daily News reported.

Somerset County Sheriff Barry DeLong said Monday that no charges will be filed. "There is no crime here," he said. Police said the man appeared delusional and told them he had been "seeing pictures of God on the computer." He told them he had not seen the hit movie "The Passion of the Christ," which depicts the Crucifixion of Jesus.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.....

[silverleaf]

Where are the Roman Legions when you really need them?

[js1138]

What cell phone service would jesus use?

[Damocles]

What's the sound of one hand nailing?

[EGPWS]

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

Perhaps he should have nailed that hand first? ; )

[newgeezer]

And you thought suicide by chainsaw was difficult...

[DrewsDad]

He should have called Kevorkian Hardware Supplies.

[Ronin]

Ya see, here? This is what they call a reflection of poor planning...

[workerbee]

The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide make the evening news Thursday evening in his living room, the Bangor Daily News reported.

[dirtboy]

Where are the Roman Legions when you really need them?

Or the Judean People's Front Crack Suicide Squad. Guess this guy couldn't make the cut.

[sonsofliberty2000]

Even though he had not seen the Passion, people will try to tie these together.

---

Patriot Paradox

[So Cal Rocket]

PLAN AHEA
D

[MrB]

It would be nice if you could take your arms off and hang them up while you sleep, so you wouldn't roll over on them - however, how would you hang the second one up?

[proud American in Canada]

ping

[Bogey78O]

What of the Popular Front of Judea

[Feiny]

From The Young Ones "Demolition" episode:

Rick, in self-appointed martyr mode, is trying to mount himself on a giant cross affixed to the front of the house and Neil (hippy) yells up, "Rick, that's a really horrible way to kill yourself, man...I've tried, there's no way you can hammer in the last nail."

[EGPWS]

It would be nice if you could take your arms off and hang them up while you sleep, so you wouldn't roll over on them - however, how would you hang the second one up?

NOW come on!!! You know better than that!

HANG THE SECOND ONE UP FIRST!!! Silly. SHHHESH!

[boris]

Why is this article excerpted?? Do we have a problem with a little-known rag in Maine?

==================================

Man treated after attempting to nail himself to cross

HARTLAND — A Hartland man was treated at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross. The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide Thursday evening in his living room, the Bangor Daily News reported.

Somerset County Sheriff Barry DeLong said Monday that no charges will be filed. "There is no crime here," he said.

Police said the man appeared delusional and told them he had been "seeing pictures of God on the computer." He told them he had not seen the hit movie "The Passion of the Christ," which depicts the Crucifixion of Jesus.

Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.

Hartland Fire Department members responded, said Boucher, and cut off the wood while it was still attached to the man's hand. The wood and the victim were taken to Sebasticook Valley Hospital, where the nail was removed.

Boucher said he did not know whether the man received further treatment.

[Geritol]

This reminds me of my favorite silly story book from childhood. The cat and dog got muddy, then washed up. The cat hung the dog on the clothesline to dry, then the dog jumped down and hung up the cat, so there they both hung.... It was just silly. Even as a child I saw that it would never work.