Posted on 01/31/2024 9:16:28 AM PST by xp38
PARIS — Leonardo DaVinci's famous Mona Lisa has reportedly been retrofitted with laser eyes by security at the Louvre in response to attacks by activists attempting to vandalize the painting for attention.
"Visitors have always remarked how Mona Lisa seems to be looking at them wherever they are standing," said Louvre head of security Dominique Javert while eating a baguette and smoking a cigarette in one of those long cigarette holder thingies. "Now, visitors should know that her piercing gaze comes equipped with a pair of 10-kilowatt laser blasters ready to vaporize anyone who would vandalize her."
According to sources, the laser eyes neutralized two climate protestors, who were instantly incinerated before the eyes of dozens of witnesses after they attempted to smear the painting with a coat of Jell-O.
"We demand that the European Union stop all use of fossil fue — AAAAAHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHH!" said one unfortunate protestor as the deadly lasers targeted him.
The laser eyes are designed to blend in with the painting, only beginning to glow red with the fire of a thousand suns once a proximity alarm is breached. The super-heated eyes will then immediately fire upon anyone who appears "grungy" or is carrying an open container of liquid. The Louvre has advised all museum guests to avoid bringing beverages into the Mona Lisa Room because the advanced AI powering the laser eyes will be unable to differentiate between an activist and a guest drinking water.
"There will be collateral damage," representatives of the Louvre said in a statement announcing the heightened security. "But that's a risk we're willing to take."
At publishing time, security had also been forced to retrofit the marble statue Venus de Milo with bionic arms and a machine gun.
In all seriousness, visiting the Louvre if you are in Paris has to be at the top of the list of places to visit.
Besides the Mona Lisa, the Venus De Milo and other incredibly famous works of art are on display, when I was there, they are all protected from idiots like these climate protestors, I still favor severe beatings these fools.
Do theze protesters really think their vandalism endears people to their cause, whatever their cause is?
Her hair is Harlow gold
Her lips a sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold
She’s got Mona Lisa eyes
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
No doubt powered by hamster wheels.
Is it too much to ask for the Mona Lisa with frisken Laser beams?
Actually, they could rig up a sprayer to spray red indelible ink at anyone throwing something at it. It would be easy to retrofit.
Bring back the stocks and they will go away...............
Red Light, Green Light in Squid Games: Paris.
Most of these protestors are well to do upper middle-class children who have never suffered the consequences of their actions, a severe beating from the security personnel is warranted and would serve as a real deterrent to these idiots.
It’s like when they block traffic on major highways, a few of them getting run over would stop the entire thing.
DaVinci equipped her eyes with a tracking system centuries earlier.
It’s a sad state of the world when you wish satire could be reality.
One can wish...
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