Posted on 01/17/2023 6:21:54 AM PST by dennisw
· WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden has called on Americans to refrain from cooking with gas stoves for the next two weeks to help "flatten the curve".
"It's real simple, folks," said President Biden. "These gas stoves have brought upon us a terrible pandemic of asthma, brain damage, and scurvy! Now folks, I still believe in America. I believe we can beat these stoves! And it starts with us coming together to flatten the curve of, you know, the thing! For just two weeks, America! Not a joke!"
In addition to the two week ban on gas stoves, the Biden administration has also recommended social distancing from gas stoves for the foreseeable future. "After the two weeks, if you must cook on a gas stove, we recommend doing so from a safe distance of six feet," said Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. "We advise all kitchens be marked six feet from the gas stove, and ingredients be lobbed at your pans from that safe distance. The science on this is settled. All of these precautions should be continued until Moderna comes out with their brand-new gas stove vaccine."
While many Americans have heeded the President's call, the administration has expressed deep frustration at the stubborn refusal of Republican-leaning areas. "We have to have consequences for people who refuse to follow the science, and risk the lives of others by continuing to cook with gas," said MSNBC's Rachel Maddow. "The first step ought to be a stove passport, which only allows those with electric stoves to participate in society. If that's not sufficient, then we must refuse hospital beds to those who brought sickness on themselves with their ignorant choice of stove."
At publishing time, the Biden administration had extended the two week timeframe to whenever the next President sworn in.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Perilous times demand bold solutions! Turn off your gas stove for two weeks and eat Chinese takeout and pizza. Use your microwave to heat tea, coffee, left over pizza.
Wouldn’t it make more sense to just abstain from Mexican Food for two weeks?..........................
😂thanks,dennisw
I see The Bee is reporting actual news. Smart move.
😂
President Retard probably believes this
My relatives are avoiding me because I’m keeping my gas stove...tell me I might bring gas-fumes to their house.
I saw the headline and thought it was real. That’s how ridiculous things have become in this country.
Ah but I bet all gas stove owners just bought those “Gas Stove Pads” and want to try them out ,LOL
People believe this stuff, a liberal friend told her husband to get rid of their gas stove, no kidding.
I will abstain from using my gas cooktop and fire up the 300 gallon smoker. When I start it up, it smokes up my back yard and spreads the smell of cooked meat all over the place.
True story! Not hyperbole!
Hardly satire, is it?
Thank heavens this is from The Bee.
I hope her husband gave her a thoughtful, reasoned, logical and appropriate response.
“Americans are also struggling with obesity, this will help them to... you know the thing”.
These people have gone full retard. You know that they DO NOT follow what they preach. Can you imagine biden cooking on a charcoal grill on the south lawn?
We remodeled and I investigated the cost of installing a gas line. Closest main was 100 yards away. Cost was ballparked at $25-30,000.
I will keep my electric stove.
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