'Starbucks Made Me The Wrong Drink' And 10 Other Times Capitalism Failed

The Babylon Bee ^ | August 23, 2022 | The Babylon Bee and The Tuttle Twins

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Hey capitalists! You still think your system is perfect? Well, think again! Capitalism is one of the worst things to happen to humanity and we'll show you why.

Here are 10 miserable failures of capitalism:

1. The hotel breakfast was out of waffle mix this morning: Say what you will about the gulags, they NEVER had this problem.
2. Your Che Guevara t-shirt was delayed during shipment: Virtue signal delayed! Lame!
3. Google Maps on your iPhone 13 Pro Max sent you to the wrong end of the park for the abortion protest: It was inconvenient.
4. That time you stubbed your toe on your Roomba on the way to make your morning espresso: Every single day, capitalism is literally trying to kill you.
5. There are just too many entertainment options and streaming services and it's stressing you out: Capitalism doesn't care about your mental health.
6. When you go to the store to pick up some sugar-free almond milk for lactose intolerant vegans, and you can only find the kind with sugar: UGH!
7. The time AOC's head got stuck in a fence: Without capitalism, the fence wouldn't exist — with Communism, it'd be an impenetrable block wall separating East and West Berlin that you couldn't get your head stuck in.
8. Loot crates in video games: Evil. Pure evil.
9. The McDonald's ice cream machine broke down and you can't get your soft serve: Why would capitalism allow this to happen?
10. You don't want to work and you're broke: This leaves you with only as much wealth and luxury as a mid-tier noble from 200 years ago. Terrible!

[EvilCapitalist]

I’d love to see the first sentence of number 7 happen.

[SkiKnee]

I seem to remember Bernie Sanders complaining that there were too many brands of deodorant. Capitalism provides more choices than people need I guess.

[Tell It Right]

11. Capitalism didn’t protect you from monkeypox even with the fee you paid to get into the bath house orgy.

[Captain Peter Blood]

Well Bernie probably doesn’t use any , he likes to smell.

[mountainlion]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlc5Bii_Qf8

[Boogieman]

Bernie Sanders once tried to convince people that bread lines were a good thing.