Posted on 07/28/2021 8:42:42 AM PDT by sodpoodle
New Jersey Crazy Law
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. You may not slurp your soup. If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates. It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer. On a highway you can not park under a bridge. Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday. You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only. Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street. It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon. Bernards Township
It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone". Caldwell
You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue. Cranford
Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn. Cresskill
All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts. Elizabeth
It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat. Manville
It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo. Newark
It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor. Ocean City
Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday. People may not slurp their soup. Raw hamburger may not be sold. Raritan
Profanity is prohibited. Sea Isle City
There will be no boiling of bones on the property. Trenton
Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays. You may not throw a bad pickle in the street.
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God bless
I was OK until I got to the one about not giving whiskey to the animals at the zoo.
You can give them vodka and gin and rum…..but no whiskey?
Barbaric.
Every time a law is passed, there is some underlying reason (sometimes good, sometimes not) why it was proposed and passed. It would be interesting to know some of the backstories of some of these laws.
It’s illegal to pronounce both “n”’s when saying ‘Trenton’.
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald’s fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....
NAME - Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY - $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION - Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD - Reclining on my mom’s couch.
SALARY - Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT - My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING - It sucked
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK - Any
PREFERRED HOURS - 1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be ‘Do you have a car that runs?’
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising
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