Posted on 02/22/2021 9:55:50 AM PST by sodpoodle
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the second poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also." The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story? Look at Congress -- over 300 Lawyers!!!
The lawyer is still breathing....................
Due to my life-experiences, I saw that one coming.
At church yesterday, the sermon was about the section in I Corinthians with guidance about Christians suing each other over light and transient causes.
One of our deacons was chosen to give the sermon. He’s a lawyer and enjoyed the irony.
A heartwarming story about a lawyer. I thought it might have been about a cruise ship, loaded with lawyers, sinking with all passengers lost.
What, he didn’t even bill them for his advice?!?
Sort of like an ABA convention getting hit by an asteroid. A net benefit to Planet Earth.
Pelosi, Biden, Beto, and Cruz haters are ALL disappointed that Cruz couldn't book a cruise that could be torpedoed.
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, Hell has air conditioning, ice water, flush toilets, and escalators, and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how are things going down there?"
Satan says, “Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, ice water, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next!"
God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's clearly a mistake – he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here immediately!"
Satan says, "No way, I really like having an Engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a Lawyer?"
What do you call 100,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
hmm i thought it would be 1300 lawyers at the bottom of a lake
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. As St Peter drives him to his new place, they pass several small 2-bedroom ranch houses w/ Popes mowing and watering their lawns.
Arriving at the lawyer’s place, he sees a sprawling mansion on 5 acres w/ a swimming pool and a gardener doing his lawn.
“This is my place? How come popes get ranch houses and I get a mansion,” he exclaims.
St Peter says, “We got 85 popes up here....but your the only lawyer we’ve got.”
Difference between and lawyer and a prostitute?
** Prostitutes stop screwing you when you’re dead.
I thought is was going to be a story about a lawyer being set on fire.😁
A: A Rottweiler
I grew up in Ontario. The first lawyer joke I ever heard was, “What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of Lake Ontario?” The answer: “A good start.”
The good news is that they eat lawyers and piss gasoline.
When my son was in law school, a window washer sadly fell and crashed through the atrium at theIDS Tower in Minneapolis. The building houses numerous law firms. I asked my son how many lawyer’s business cards did he think were in the victim’s hand before the paramedics arrived.
It’s only a heartwarming story if the lawyer dies.
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