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Silly old Stuff for Seniors
email from friend | 3/30/2020 | unknown

Posted on 03/30/2020 3:19:05 AM PDT by sodpoodle

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.

He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:

'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

A senior citizen

said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'


'Do I know her?

'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys

are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?' ' Twelve thirty..'

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. . ..! A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis'

Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh.

TOPICS: Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: elderly; humor; jokes; memories
They seem familiar - sorry if I've posted before - but they are still funny,
1 posted on 03/30/2020 3:19:05 AM PDT by sodpoodle
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To: sodpoodle

Made me laugh! Thx!

2 posted on 03/30/2020 3:26:50 AM PDT by BTerclinger (MAGA)
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To: sodpoodle
Harold meets Shirley at a retirement community in Florida. Every day they take a walk around the lake, and sit and talk. After a few days, the old guy asks, “Can I ask you something personal?” She says sure. “While we sit here, would you mind if I drop my pants and you hold my penis while we talk?” She thinks it a bit odd, but says sure, and this goes on for a few days.

Shirley is looking for him one evening, and asks at the desk if they’ve seen Harold. They say that Harold went for a walk with Stella. She goes outside, and sure enough, she sees Harold with Stella at the other side of the lake. Harold has his pants down and Stella is holding his penis. That night, a devastated Shirley sees Harold and asks “Harold! I thought we had something special!” Harold says “We do!” “Then why with Stella? Is Stella prettier than me?” “No” “Is she a better conversationalist than me?” “No” “Does Stella have more money than me?” “No”

“Than what does Stella have that I don’t have?” He looks at her and says, “Parkinson’s”

3 posted on 03/30/2020 3:29:33 AM PDT by FatherofFive (Islam is EVIL and needs to be eradicated)
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To: FatherofFive

I cant decide if you are a worse person for posting that joke or I am for laughing out loud at the punch line.

4 posted on 03/30/2020 4:05:54 AM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (Our parents/grandparents were called to war. We have been called to sit on the couch. We got this!!)
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To: sodpoodle

I pasted the story of Morris onto the group page of my old Fighter Squadron from the ‘60s.

Thank you!!!

One of the old duffers was last seen chasing his teeth across the kitchen floor

5 posted on 03/30/2020 4:55:18 AM PDT by Oscar in Batangas (January 20, 2017, High Noon. The end of an error.)
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To: FatherofFive


6 posted on 03/30/2020 5:05:28 AM PDT by KSCITYBOY (The media is corrupt)
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To: sodpoodle

Love ya....Stay Safe....Sac

7 posted on 03/30/2020 5:11:00 AM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: sodpoodle

I represent those.

8 posted on 03/30/2020 6:30:10 AM PDT by Rappini (Compromise has its place. It's called second.)
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To: sodpoodle

A well dressed elderly man walks in to a bar and takes a seat next to a very good looking woman.

He asks her: Do I come in here often?

9 posted on 03/30/2020 6:35:46 AM PDT by Texas resident (The American media is our enemy)
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To: Texas resident
"What's a good lookin' bar like this doing in a place like you?"

10 posted on 03/30/2020 7:24:33 AM PDT by MikelTackNailer (thought we had the Commie's beat. Now we have to do it all over again.)
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To: MikelTackNailer

Hey, at least Biden wasn’t mashing the button on the garage door opener. Good for him.

11 posted on 03/30/2020 7:27:02 AM PDT by Texas resident (The American media is our enemy)
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To: sodpoodle

A couple has been married for 40+ years when the wife decides to divorce her husband. A few years pass and they run into each other.

Woman: Well, you are looking well, Glad to see you are doing ok

Man: Better than OK!! (as if to rub it in). I”ve found a lovely 20 year olf blonde who caters to ALL my needs....if you know what mean. I’ve never been so happy!

Woman: Glad to hear that. But I too have found some one who makes me more happy than you. He is also 20 and Oh my!

Man: Why do you think you are more happy than me?

Wife: Why?? Simple math. 20 goes into 70 more times than 70 goes into 20!

12 posted on 03/30/2020 11:03:25 AM PDT by llevrok (Avoid the virus. Don't touch strange knobs.)
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