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Joe Biden Claims He Is Only Human Left On Earth Not Killed By Gun Violence
The Babylon Bee ^ | February 26th, 2020 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 02/27/2020 11:29:01 AM PST by jonascord

CHARLESTON, SC—Joe Biden made the incredible claim at last night's debate that he is the last remaining survivor of gun violence on the earth.

"Tragically, 7,767,050,847 have been killed by gun violence in the last week alone, and I am the only one left," he said somberly, apparently oblivious to the living people all around him. "If anyone were left to hear me today, my message would be, 'Please, never again should we let billions be killed by guns.'"

"We must pass legislation to ensure that deadly, fully automatic blunderbusses and cannons be banned from our great land. Thank you, Mr. Cronkite."

Biden then asked for a moment to huff a few grams of Metamucil before he could continue.

"In conclusion, I'd like to thank the people of Nevada -- who are all dead -- for having me out today. It's a wonderful country," he added before turning and solemnly walking right off the end of the stage, suffering minor injuries.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: banglist; biden; gunviolence; parody
This probably should be headline news.
1 posted on 02/27/2020 11:29:01 AM PST by jonascord
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To: jonascord

[[[”Tragically, 7,767,050,847 have been killed by gun violence in the last week alone, and I am the only one left,” he said somberly,]]]

Him and Vincent Price


2 posted on 02/27/2020 11:31:32 AM PST by headstamp 2 (There's a stairway to heaven, but there's also a highway to hell.)
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To: jonascord

I was thinking of another installment of Tomorrow’s Headlines Today:

Iowa Dems to Help ChiComs Count Coronavirus Cases


3 posted on 02/27/2020 11:35:49 AM PST by FirstFlaBn
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To: FirstFlaBn

If Joe is the only one left alive who did he kill last?


4 posted on 02/27/2020 11:38:53 AM PST by oldasrocks (Heavily Medicated for your Protection.)
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To: jonascord

Time for some Russian roulette, Joe. Blame it on the Russkies.


5 posted on 02/27/2020 11:42:06 AM PST by PGalt (Past Peak Civilization?)
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To: jonascord

All those other folks you see out there are “Other Bidens”... ;-)


6 posted on 02/27/2020 11:43:05 AM PST by cgbg (The Democratic Party is morphing into the Donner Party)
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To: jonascord
jonascord :" .. he (Biden) is the last remaining survivor of gun violence on the earth."

Thats's because he stands naked on his back veranda,
and fires off a .12 gauge shotgun whenever there is an intruder.
I am not sure if it's his nakedness, or the shotgun, that scares prowlers away
especially if they are female prowlers !

7 posted on 02/27/2020 11:45:10 AM PST by Tilted Irish Kilt
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To: jonascord

Almost got me until I saw BB as the source. He’d say something that stupid.


8 posted on 02/27/2020 12:16:01 PM PST by SkyDancer ( ~ Just Consider Me A Random Fact Generator ~ Eat Sleep Fly Repeat ~)
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To: jonascord

Keef looks like Swiss cheese, but he will be fine.


9 posted on 02/27/2020 12:24:27 PM PST by deadrock
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To: jonascord

Yet if the polls are to be believed he’s going to win the South Carolina primary.


10 posted on 02/27/2020 12:28:02 PM PST by Buckeye McFrog (Patrick Henry would have been an anti-vaxxer)
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To: jonascord

Babylon Bee is kinda funny. In a mad magazine sort of way. I crack up when I see their headlines.


11 posted on 02/27/2020 12:29:52 PM PST by vespa300
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To: SkyDancer

I believe I’m going to have to start adding Babylon Bee to the titles. Democrats are working too hard to parody intellect...


12 posted on 02/27/2020 1:19:05 PM PST by jonascord (First rule of the Dunning-Kruger Club is that you do not know you are in the Dunning-Kruger club.)
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To: jonascord

“”Joe Biden Claims He Is Only Human Left On Earth Not Killed By Gun Violence””

He made the announcement in an empty room, packed with his supporters to no one in particular


13 posted on 02/27/2020 1:55:07 PM PST by Oscar in Batangas (January 20, 2017, High Noon. The end of an error.)
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To: jonascord

The BB makes more rational sense than all the left-wing media put together.


14 posted on 02/27/2020 2:11:00 PM PST by SkyDancer ( ~ Just Consider Me A Random Fact Generator ~ Eat Sleep Fly Repeat ~)
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To: jonascord

Another day, another gaff by Uncle Creepy.


15 posted on 02/27/2020 4:56:51 PM PST by bgill (Idiots. CDC site doesn't recommend wearing a mask to protect from COVID-19)
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